Thursday, July 31, 2008


Brandi (SparkyDiva)'s husband is home from Iraq!!!!!!

Unfortunately, it's just for his 2-week R & R, but I know they're going to enjoy the hell out of those two weeks. (Hubba hubba)

Welcome home, Blake!!! Thank you for everything you're doing, and enjoy your time with your family.

Brandi, we'll talk to you in two weeks. =-)))))))))))))))))))

Check out her blog for the pictures (link is on the right).

I'm so happy for you!!!!
Gaaaaahhhhhhh --and good cell phone news for everyone

Today was my first frustrating day of karate. I still love it, don't get me wrong. But I'm learning the seisan kata (a kata is a series of movements, punches, blocks and kicks; "seisan" is the first one as a white belt)--it's a central component of earning my first promotion and it's HA-A-A-RD. I haven't actually counted yet, but I'm willing to bet that there's a good 100 seperate steps, movements, etc. in this kata that you have to perform in a certain order and in a certain way (a punch isn't just a "punch"--your arm, wrist and hand all have to be held in a very particular position).

At first, of course, the kata was easy, because I was only learning the first few steps. And each class, we'd add a few more and build onto it. Now, I'm pretty far into it (which is good)--but I'm so FAR into it that now I'm forgetting all the stuff that came at the very beginning. =-) Sensai warned me on my very first night that I'd have days like this. It's like teaching, I guess--some days are fantastic, spirit-lifting days that remind you of why you started it in the first place...while others leave you feeling like you're at the bottom of a well, trying to claw your way out, making a few feet of progress only to fall to the bottom and have to start all over, wondering if you'll ever see the light of day again. (Oooh, that was good. LOL. That's what we teachers call "descriptive" or "vivid" language. It's also a simile, actually, albeit a long-ass one.)

Anyway, that's how I feel right now. Sensai was right about something else too, though: days like this leave you even MORE determined to get back out there and master whatever it is you're struggling with. So, if you'll excuse me, I have some practicing to do.


Is it bad that I have a mini-crush on this 16-year-old brown belt in my class? Not in an I'm-going-to-end-up-on-the-evening-news kind of way, but he's just so shy and quiet that he's adorable. At first, he couldn't even look me in the eye. I started teasing him, though, and he's come out of his shell a little. He can now make eye contact (but only for a couple of seconds at a time, LOL). The only time he gets braver is when he's showing me how to do something. He'll catch my eye in the wall mirror and demonstrate a kick or a punch, and he can hold the eye contact then (or when we're partnered up for drills--but that presents him with a whole new set of issues, because any time he has to throw a punch anywhere near my chestal area, he gets all flustered and embarrassed, LOL). Anyway, my project continues to be to draw him out.


In the best news EVER, Yahoo is now reporting that a Superior Court judge in California has ruled that the practice of
charging consumers a fee for ending their cell phone contract early is illegal and violates state law. Whoo hoo!!!! The article states that of course, cell phone companies are already vowing to fight this vigorously, as those early termination fees are a huge part of their revenue. And this ruling brings up a lot of other issues and possible problems/concerns--but it's a start. (And I can finally switch from T-Mobile, since right now I'm locked in with them until roughly 2043.)

The full article is here
My new address

I wanted to make sure you all have my updated information:

Cardboard box on the beach
Ft Myers, FL

...I just filled my new prescriptions (and refilled some old ones). It came to $100. The Abilify alone was $60 (WITH insurance). If the Abilify works out, I'm going to register for the mail-order program where you get a three-month supply for the price of one refill. That would make the cost would be much more reasonable. But for right now: it's EXPENSIVE to be nutty, yo.

(Channeling Carrie Bradshaw): I can't help but there a market for crazy hookers?

PS--sorry to keep cracking "crazy jokes," but you all know that's how I handle the shitty stuff. If I didn't laugh about it, I'd be sad.

Or happy. Or sad. Or happy....


Wednesday, July 30, 2008


Yeah, I'm 99% positive that they're termites. I got a good look at them this morning because there were a TON in my bathroom (SO GROSS) and they absolutely resembled the termite picture as opposed to the ant picture.

Plus, I found a test online: you catch a couple and place them in a sealed glass jar. Ants can live for 1-2 days in such an environment; termites will die within hours. I put them in there this morning before my dentist appointment. One's already dead.


Brad's calling the OHA (our housing authority for the condos) today.

I'll let you know what this means for us once *I* know. Keep your fingers crossed that they put us up somewhere (a, cuz we have no where else to go and b, staying in hotels is just fun).
Shout out!

To LCB, Boat Day, choppy waters, beer fights, beach-front bars, Gigantic Asses, the hottest band singer EVER, Leaving on Jet Planes, pineapple pizza, $3 Jagers and $6* cigarettes.

(Did I cover everything?)

Pizza: $20
Shots: $30
Watching LCB sing along to songs he CLEARLY didn't know: priceless

Still no dolphins, though. Bastard.

*I realize that in Michigan, $6 is the NORMAL price for cigarettes; but down here, it's freakin' obscene.

And here's the picture I sent to LCB while I was waiting for him to get off work. I was showing him that I was ready for Boat Day and our attempt at dolphin-spotting.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I feel gassy

I just got gas for $3.87!!!! Whoo hooo!! How awesome is that?

And how SAD is it that I'm so excited?

Which leads to my question of the day: how much is regular gas in YOUR hood? Please give your location as well.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Stand back, or you may lose a hand

I just went to CVS and bought 4 candy bars, an 8-pack of Kit Kats, a bag of marshmallows and a pint of Butterfinger ice cream.

To make myself feel better, I'm going to say that it's a delayed reaction to the breakup.

But really, I just wanted some chocolate, yo.

(The good news is that when I got home, I only ate 3 marshmallows and a candy bar before I started to feel full...but the night is still young.)
Bugger off

I think we have termites. I noticed some ant-like things in my bathroom late last week and finally remembered to mention it to Brad yesterday. He said he'd seen them in HIS bathroom, too. (Our bathrooms share a wall, so that's more evidence that they ARE termites.) We pulled up a comparison on the web last night and unfortunately, they seem to resemble termites more than ants. Specifically, the antennae are more V-shaped than elbowed (major sign #1), and they have one solid body/thick waist as opposed to a narrow midsection (you know how ants' bodies kind of look like two separate parts joined together?).

Ironically, my friend Mike just had this problem about a week ago. He had to MOVE OUT OF HIS CONDO for like 3 days while they tented it. Plus, he had to throw away ALL opened food (which would be most of our cupboards and fridge). Here's where having a condo is nice, though: the condo association would have to pay for the fumigation/extermination. Plus, Brad thinks that they'd have to put us up in a hotel, although I'm not sure about that (but it makes sense--I mean, they can't just say, "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here--good luck with that."). So we'll see.


Side note: went to crazy doc today. As soon as I sat down, she said, "So you're still up, I see." ?????? I was like, "How do you know?" and she said, "Well, when I came out to get you, you were pacing back and forth, and now your leg and foot are going about a million miles an hour." I looked down and noticed that yes, I WAS a bit on the figedity side. That's when I confessed to her that I've been walking two or three times a day to release some energy and that I'm still not sleeping worth a damn, even with the elephant tranquilizers otherwise known as Seroquel. Remember how those used to knock me out? She has me taking two at night now and it still wasn't doing anything for me. She said that makes sense, as my craziness is overriding the meds right now. (She didn't say "craziness," obviously. She said "brain chemistry" or some shit, but let's call a spade a spade, shall we? Ha ha)

So anyway, she IS taking me off the Lamictal and putting me on Abilify. She did say that if the Abilify doesn't work, there are only one or two other things I can try before I may have to go back on the lithium. That would suck.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

May peace be with you

I went to church this morning! I hate to admit it, but I think this is the first time I've gone since moving here 2 years ago (and if I DID go, it's been long enough that I don't remember it). It's a Lutheran (which I kind of "picked" as my religion in my mid-20s--I'm not baptized or anything, though) church with absolutely breath-taking stained glass windows. (If I ever get married, this is totally the church in which I'd like to do it.)

At the beginning of the service, they asked first time visitors to raise their hands and introduce themselves. There were a good 150-200 people there, so--yeah, no thank you. I did, however, stop to talk to the pastor (in his 50s or 60s) and the assistant pastor (late 20s) on my way out.

Here was the conversation:

Me: (I introduced myself, and we spent about 30 seconds as he tried to master my last name, LOL.)
Pastor 1 (the older one): "Is that with a C?" he finally asked.
Me: "No, it's with a K-R-Z-Y-S."
P1: "Well, that's a doozy." LOL
Me: "Yeah. I'm pretty Polish." (Pretty Polish??? I'm such a dork.) "And I should confess that I'm a first time visitor and didn't raise my hand."
P1: "Well, that's quite all right, Jennifer. You are officially forgiven." He smiled and asked, "So what brought you here today?"
Me: "Oh, you know. I'm just kind of scouting the place out."
P1: "Well, I'm honored that you chose to scout us out today. I've been there myself."
(I really liked him)
Then he introduced me to P2, who also spent about 30 seconds trying to "get" my last name.
Me: "Yeah, it tripped him up, too", which made P2 laugh pretty hard.
P2: "So, are you new to the area?"
Me: "No...just new, I guess."
P2: "Well, thank you so much for coming. I hope we'll see you again."

What made this exchange so important is that it took place as we were all filing out of the sanctuary. There was a huge line of people behind me, and they took the time to truly welcome me, talk to me and learn about me. I really liked that. Plus, there was no pressure or anything, no trying to "sell" the church. They made me feel welcome and comfortable--and that was all.

And THAT'S why I think I found my new church.

PS--I didn't do the wafer-and-wine thing, otherwise known to you religious folk out there as "communion." I've never done it, actually. Many faiths, including Lutheran, allow those who are unbaptized to participate, as long as you share the fundamental beliefs, but I decided early on that I don't want to do it until I'm officially baptized. I don't know why, but it's something that's important to me. Symbolic, I guess.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Up, up and away

I just cleaned and organized our cupboards AND the fridge.

Now some of you may think, "Oh, that's a very good chore for a Saturday afternoon." But those who really know me--and my utter aversion to cleaning (in fact, I'm like a man that way--I just don't "see" dirt and messiness. Or I see it, but it doesn't bother me. I normally don't feel compelled to rectify the situation)--are probably thinking, "Red flag! Red flag! Something is horribly awry!"

Mind you, I did all of this in a whirlwind of activity while Brad ran to the store. He just got back and I proudly showed him all that I had accomplished.

"When do you go to your crazy doctor again?" he casually asked.




Frankly, I've been slightly on the manic side for a couple of weeks now. Nothing major, but as you'll recall, enough that my doc warned me that if there wasn't a change between that appointment and my next one, she was pulling me off the Lamictal and trying something else (probably Abilify). I hope we can find something that works, because I DO NOT WANT to go back on the lithium, as the side effects truly did make me miserable (significant weight gain, HORRIBLE acne--in fact, I still have some scarring). I know you may be thinking, "Well, at least you were stable"--which is true. In that regard, lithium truly was my miracle drug. But at what cost? If it truly interfered with my self-confidence and self-esteem--hell, my entire self-image took a serious hit--is it worth it? If I'm incredibly unhappy with who I am and how I look, does that really classify as "mentally stable"?

(I'll let you chew on that one for a moment, because it was pretty deep.)

I'm definitely coming off of the Lamictal, though. I decided that yesterday. I was feeling a bit yucky, so I pulled up the list of side effects--and was stunned by how many I was showing and never made the connection. I've had incredible clumsiness or unsteadiness (LOL, shut up--not my normal clumsiness. I mean, I'll just be standing there and lose my balance, like I'm drunk), insomnia, fever, chills, and/or sore throat; nausea and other flu-like symptoms (the "sick" feeling just started on Thursday, but I attributed that to the four-Srewdriver lunch I'd had that day with LCB), red or purple spots on the skin (I have them on my chestal area--I've noticed them for some time and thought, "Huh. That's weird," but since I only had about half a dozen I didn't really worry about it--until I saw them on the side-effect list and had my a-ha moment), insomnia (of course, that can be the manic-ness itself), loss of appetite (which I attributed to the breakup and frankly, a side effect that I'm sure not complaining about) and pale skin (which again, I've just noticed in the last few days and wondered, "How can someone who is pretty tan still look so washed-out?") Anywho, I'm sure that between my continued mild-upness and my list of side effects (some of the more serious "consult your doctor" ones include the purple spots, the paleness, fever/chills/aches/nausea/flu symptoms and loss of appetite), my doc and I will decide to try the next one on the list. (Unfortunately, finding the right BP drug--much like finding the right Pill--is mostly trial and error.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to organize all of my toiletries under my bathroom sink. (Hell, I might as well take advantage of my increased "energy" while I can.)
Stupid keys

So remember a couple of weeks ago, when I locked my Little and myself out of the car (at Domino's, no less?). Well, today we had the Big Brothers Big Sisters picnic. And I know what you're thinking: Oh dear Lord, she did it again--to which I reply indignantly: I did NOT.

I lost my entire set of keys. Somewhere, in this HUGE park, as we were walking around, my keychain fell out of my purse.

I never did find them, either. I had to call a friend to pick us up, bring me back to my place to get my spare car keys (thank God Brad didn't lock the door when he left today), since obviously I no longer had MY house key). Then my friend brought us BACK to the park (luckily, he lives pretty close to the park and so do I, so he didn't have to drive all over hell).

So I now have a new set of keys with both my house and car keys, which is good. However, I have to go get copies of THOSE made to be my new backup set. And I lost my CVS card!! Dammit! I'll have to replace that this week. (I already swung by the library for a new library keychain card thingie--I'm such a dork, LOL.)

I'm the most bummed about the actual keychains, though. I had the one that Anna got me from--Ireland, I think? And one from my trip to Vegas. Damn damn damn.

I'm buying a new purse. I lose too much shit with this one.

The picnic itself was fun, though. The high point was the Big vs Little water balloon fight. Somehow, there ended up being 40 Littles facing off against 10 Bigs (there were other kids there who weren't in the program YET but were on the waiting list, so that's probably why we were so outnumbered). I muttered to the 20-something guy next to me, "Okay, what's our strategy here?" (I'm a little competitive.) He whispers back, "I don't know, I was just planning that out myself." I told him, "I'll create a diversion. I'll start jumping up and down and waving my arms or something." He answers, "Okay, then I'll loop around the back and get them from behind." We never had a chance to put our plan into action, though: we were all pummeled immediately. I took a pretty direct shot to the head at one point (although I suspect that that one was actually from my co-conspirator, due to the angle of projection--not to mention the shit-eating grin on his face). Oh yeah--I had to flag down the ambulance, too. "What ambulance?" you may be asking. We had a suspected broken bone injury in the bounce house (how one can break something in an inflatable, padded room, I'll never know). (Actually, I'm kind of surprised that it wasn't ME who did it, LOL)

Anyway, a good time was had by all (except for the kid with the broken leg).

Friday, July 25, 2008


I found one of those websites with funny tshirts. Here are my two favorites.

And the best shirt I've ever seen...
I'm the best! Around!

So I watched Karate Kid last night (and it's funny how many lines I still remembered from watching it over and over as a kid). Now I'm all motivated to enter a tournament and Crane someone's ass.

For the rest of the night (and day) I've had the song from the very end of the movie ("You're the best") running through my head. I wonder if I can download that bad boy from iTunes.

Here are the lyrics; if you've ever seen the movie, this should be enough to jog your memory--now you can have it in YOUR head, too.

(PS--I love how towards the end, they typed in "Inspiring guitar solo." LOLOL)

Artist: Joe Esposito
Song: You're the Best

Try to be best
‘Cause you’re only a man
And a man’s gotta learn to take it
Try to believe
Though the going gets rough
That you gotta hang tough to make it
History repeats itself
Try and you’ll succeed
Never doubt that you’re the one
And you can have your dreams!

You’re the best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

Fight ‘til the end
Cause your life will depend
On the strength that you have inside you
Ah you gotta be proud
starin’ out in the cloud
When the odds in the game defy you
Try your best to win them all
and one day time will tell
when you’re the one that’s standing there
you’ll reach the final bell!

You’re the best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own


You’re the best! Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

Fight ‘til you drop
never stop
can’t give up
Til you reach the top (FIGHT!)
you’re the best in town (FIGHT!)
Listen to that sound
A little bit of all you got
Can never bring you down

You’re the best!Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!Around!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Shit. Shit. Double shit.

So, um, apparently LCB has found my blog. (THAT was an interesting phone convo.) He likes that he has a special nickname but wishes it was something like "Mr. Big." I told him not to flatter himself.

Oh yeah. And we had lunch today. And you know what? It was really, really great. It was my FRIEND Shawn, not the LCB Shawn. The Shawn who can STILL make me laugh more than any other guy I've ever dated. Did it make me sad to see him? Maybe a little, perhaps. But only because I realized how much I've missed him being in my life the last couple of weeks.

I KNOW that you guys don't understand why I stay friends with exes--and probably especially in THIS case. In fact, in my "I miss Shawn" post, I said that it sucked that the way we ended overshadowed all the good. And maybe it will always be that way, whether I like it or not. Maybe our friendship will never be quite the way it was--I mean, I DID take a pretty hard emotional punch to the gut and a bitch-slap to the face (and then a kick to head)--figuratively, of course. And with everything that went down--yeah, of course, I see him differently. But the way I look at it is--he can't cheat on our friendship, ya know? (LOL, does that make sense?) He never once let me down as a friend, and he proved that again today.

(And yes, this truly is platonic. He's still dating that girl from work. Do I still care about him? Well, DUH. When you feel that way about someone, it doesn't just go away after 2 weeks. But in all honesty, being with him today was kind of the best of both worlds--I had my friend Shawn back, but without all of the stress and beating-my-head-against-the-wall of a "relationship.")

Shit, I haven't figured it all out yet, either. But maybe I can do that while we're mini-golfing next week. ;)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

One last thing

Remember I told you about my wicked leg bruise? Well, one whole week later, it still looks pretty hideous. Random people actually COMMENT on it while I'm out running around. I figured I should document my first karate injury (and we can compare it to those I'll be receiving in the future, LOL).

You shoulda seen it last week.

Bad to the bone

The DAY my computer died (see below), my roommate did something so hilarious that I had to snap pictures of it. I've been so excited to get back online so I could share this with you. He took his portable iPod player and strapped it to the back of his bike--and then drove all over town with it blasting. Oh my God, when I saw it I almost wet myself. You be the judge--ghetto? redneck? Or just plain genius?

Holy scary, Batman

My computer died on Monday morning.

Well, not DIED, as it turns out. But it apparently got a virus that took it down pretty hard.

At first, the guy thought my hard drive might have blown--and the thought of losing everything on my HD, including ALL OF MY MASTERS WORK--had me panicked. (No, I didn't back it up on an external hard drive....which will change, let me tell you.) If it HAD been the HD, he was "pretty sure" he could recover "at least some" of my documents. Gaaahhhh!!

However, it was just a virus--I shouldn't say "just," because it also wiped me out, but apparently it's relatively easy to recover the contents of a HD when it's a virus as opposed to a problem with the HD itself. (I don't really know--he was using lots of computer talk, and I was nodding and saying, "Yes, I'm familiar with the FRT 2.0 program," or "Yes, those 4.4875 gigs ARE fantastic, aren't they?"

I was going through WITHDRAWAL, let me tell you.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

And now I drink heavily

I just had to sew a patch on the left side of my gi (karate uniform). It was the most horrifying experience of my life.

1) I don't know how to f$%^ing sew. I've never f$%^ing sewn a f$%^ing thing in my f$%^ing life (except for a vague recollection of home ec class in junior high, but maybe that was just a horrible, horrible dream). Seriously, not a f$%^ing thing. Not even a f$%^ing button.

2) I had to buy a pack of f$%^ing 16 spools of thread to get the one f$%^ing color of f$%^ing gold that I needed. The rest of the f$%^ing thread will now be used to f$%^ing strangle myself.

3) The f$%^ing pack came with a f$%^ing threader--but no f$%^ing instructions on how to use a f$%^ing threader.

4) I got the f$%^ing needle threaded pretty quickly (the old fashioned way, of course)--but then I had to f$%^ing RE-thread it like 30 f$%^ing times as I was sewing.

5) I lost f$%^ing count of the number of f$%^ing times I had to go back and pull out the last 3 or 5 or 10 f$%^ing stitches because I realized I was f$%^ing sewing OUTSIDE of the f$%^ing patch (don't f$%^ing ask).

6) Then, for the f$%^ing coupe de grace: when I was done, I had a nice length of thread left for tying my f$%^ing finishing knot. But, like a f$%^ing novice, I TOOK THE f$%^ing NEEDLE OUT ****AND**** CUT THE f$%^ing THREAD TO A SHORTER LENGTH APPROPRIATE FOR TRYING--AND THEN SPENT TWENTY f$%^ing MINUTES TRYING TO TIE IT INTO A LOOP BY f$%^ing HAND.

7) I mean, seriously. Have you ever tried to tie a f$%^ing loop in a piece of f$%^ing thread that's like half a f$%^ing inch long? I don't recommend it.

I am, however, finally done. Here are a couple of pictures. And if I did something wrong, I don't want to f$%^ing hear about it.

I can't believe people f$%^ing find sewing relaxing. I think I'm f$%^ing blind now...and, possibly, in need of a f$%^ing blood transfusion due to all the f$%^ing needle pricks.

(Yes, the material is a LITTLE puckered around the bottom of the patch there but frankly, I don't ever care. I don't think anyone will be looking that closely. If it becomes a problem, though, I swear, I'm taking it in to have it done. Whatever they charge me, it'll be worth it.)

Official product endorsement

First, we have to go back in time to Christmas. I was watching HSN (Home Shopping Network, 'natch) at home with Mom when a hair stylist came on with his line of styling products. Samy (the stylist and also the name of his products) took his models, who had freshly washed, un-producted hair, sprayed some of his stuff in it, finger styled it and fluffed it, and bam--their hair looked GREAT. It had texture, body--it looked like they had just spent hours getting their hair curled, straightened, styled. I'm telling you, this stuff was MAGIC. Of course, since I'm always looking for a good deal (i.e, I'm a sucker), I ordered a kit that had small bottles of each product he had used.

Fast forward to last night, when I finally opened the box. =-) For you to fully appreciate the fabulousness of these products, I must disclose that I am hair-styling-challenged. I can flat-iron but that's about it. So I took out the products and kind of played around with each one. And then today, I actually straightened my hair and used them again.

I don't love all of them, but there are 2 that I MUST share with you. Even though my hair is crazy thick, when I flat-iron it, it just kind of hangs there. I put some of this stuff on and BAM--I looked GOOD. My hair had body--the GOOD kind of body, not the afro-humidity-frizz that I usually have. =-) Seriously, it was awesome. I went out for a few hours with my little sister, came home, went for a pretty intense walk in the Florida heat (I even RAN twice--but that was to get out of the way of cars), came home--and although my face was all red and sweaty, my hair still looked GREAT.

So, without further ado, here are the 2 that I highly recommend: Samy Faststyle Stylist Mist (aqua bottle), which is a gel/hairspray all in one (sprays on, styles like a gel, holds like a hairspray), and then the Samy Skyscraper Volumizing Hairspray (orange bottle). I haven't used the hairspray stuff alone yet, just the 2 together (which might sound like overkill, but my hair is so thick that it "absorbs" product so I needed a double-whammy). And no, the Skyscraper hairspray doesn't give you 80s-style "tall" hair, so don't worry (although I'm sure it could be used that way if you wanted to)--just fantastic body and volume. It went on a LITTLE stiff, but after half an hour or so it had settled into great hold but my hair was touchable again (although, as I said, that could just be my sponge-like hair, LOL). Seriously: they took my already thick hair and just made it SO healthy and body-licious.

These are only available at Walgreens (at least from what I've been able to tell); they're $15 each (more expensive for drugstore brands but SO worth it--plus, each bottle is like 3 feet tall so they'll last a while). If you don't have Walgreens, you can go online to They have other products, too--stuff designed for curly hair, a combination mousse/hairspray (that's the one I wasn't thrilled with, but I've never been a mousse person, either), a dry shampoo (to freshen up without taking a shower, like after work but before going out--I haven't used that yet either, though, so I can't vouch for it yet).

The only drawback is that these 2 products are aerosol, so I'm probably bringing down Mother Earth--but damn, I'm gonna look good doing it. ;)

Go check them out. Yes, now. I'll wait. And then come back and tell me what you think.

Saturday, July 19, 2008


I started learning self-defense today.

Katey is SO screwed.



On an unrelated note: I don't know if you all noticed, but you can actually choose more than one person in this latest poll. Just FYI
My new favorite show

Rock the Reception, on TLC.

I've been meaning to watch it since I saw previews for it, but I kept missing it--until tonight. And OH. MY. GOD.

The premise of the show (in case you don't know) is about-to-be-married couples who, on their wedding day, want to do something other than the traditional shmaltzy "first dance" to a sappy love song. So they're matched with a choreographing team who designs an entire dance routine to songs like Crazy in Love or U Can't Touch This (both on tonight's episode). Although some wedding party members are generally involved in the choreography, for the most part, the whole thing is kept a secret from everyone else. Then, when it's time, the couples come out and start busting a move. The looks on the faces of their wedding guests are freakin' PRICELESS.

If I ever get married, I am totally doing this. It makes the wedding reception--and that first dance--SO unique and memorable. And I know that by telling you NOW, I'm totally ruining the surprise--but let's face the time I actually GET married in 20, 30 years (which, at the rate I'M going, is how long it'll take), none of you will remember anyway so it'll still, in essence, be a surprise. And, if by some chance, I DON'T pull something like this, I officially give you permission to totally call me out on it. In FACT, I am hereby declaring that I will pay $100 to you if a) I don't do a cool first dance b) you're at my wedding and c) you remember this post.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Quite possibly, the biggest 'tard moment of my life. No, seriously.

Just moments ago, I finished loading the dishwasher and was rinsing out the sink with that spray-hose thingie. As I replacing it back into its holder, my finger accidentally hit the nozzle and I blasted myself in the face.

Now this, by itself, wouldn't be that bad. It's happened to everyone, right? (Maybe not, but that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.) HERE is what made it so bad:

I then continued to spray myself in the face for a solid 10 seconds.

I don't know if it was the shock of the cold water virtually bitch-slapping me in the face or what, but I froze. My brain shut down. For normal people, the ensuing thought process would go something like this: "Cold water. In face. Me no likey. TAKE FINGER OFF TRIGGER." For me, though: it was like my brain went incommunicado with my limbs. No such message was sent. In fact, no message was relayed whatsoever.

Which is why I just stood there and blasted myself in the face, choking and sputtering like someone had just thrown me overboard, for 10 seconds.

FINALLY, my brain wired the following message to my hand: "Hey, dumbass. TAKE FINGER OFF TRIGGER." And I did. By this time, my shirt was drenched, my hair was soaked, and I had a small flood on my kitchen floor.

And that's when I started laughing my ass off.
The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Okay, I'M not shrinking--but my waist sure is. I've lost 2 inches since I started karate!! (I've continued with my walking on my "off" days.) Whoot! (I have not, however, lost any in my hips--yet--but I'm guessing that this is more attributed to PMS bloat, since your hip measurement also includes part of your tummy. We'll see what I come in at after my Girl Time is done. Also, as of yesterday, there was no real weight loss yet, either, but I'm sure it will come--plus I may be building up muscle, blah blah blah.)


I'm going to the pool in a few minutes!! Now, some of you may wonder why this warrants mentioning, since I live in Florida, it's the summer and "going to the pool" probably isn't a significant event. And normally it's not--except that SW Florida has been experiencing rain of biblical proportions over the last few weeks. Hell, I've been getting ready to go to the Ark Building aisle at Home Depot (I can do it. They can help). Now, due to almost NO rain season last year, we've had some pretty serious drought-like conditions down here, so really, we needed the rain. But dang, being cooped up for days and days and days on end, with nothing but dreary gray skies, has been kinda sucky. And now today--GORGEOUS blue skies with nary a cloud in the sky. (Until 4 pm, when we'll get our daily summer rain shower.) So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off for some Sunshine Therapy.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


Where the hell is Kishelle? Does anyone know/remember? Was she going somewhere? I hope it's not something with her family. =/

We miss you, Kish!!

Tonight, something very important happened in karate class.

One week into lessons, they stopped treating me with kid gloves and started treating me like a real martial arts student.

In other words, they (and by "they," I mean the black belt instructors) stopped holding back when demonstrating the different punches and kicks for me (and by "for me," I mean "ON me").

I came home with a huge bruised welt on my right shin and bruises on the undersides of both arms. And I couldn't be more proud.

Oh: and Sensai told me tonight that she wants me to test for my first promotion at the end of September (this would be a stripe on my white belt; a promotion to a new belt color would come next). Testing/promotions are held 3 times a year (every four months). Normally, you study for the entire 4 months before you attempt your first promotion--but since I came in about two months into a "testing cycle," I'd have to wait until the next promotion in JANUARY if I don't make the upcoming September one. Sensai thinks I can pull it off, with enough practice. I'm much (much, much, much) less confident, but I told her I'd give it a shot. If I succeed, it will be a HUGE point of pride for me (earning my stripe after 2 months instead of 4--how awesome would that be??)--and if I don't, it will make me that much more ready when I test in January.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to limp off to the shower.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Elbow follow-up

My bone doctor currently has three patients (including me) in different healing stages of broken elbows. Of the 3, one of us has healed normally and two of us have, through various forms of stupidity and bad judgement, have re-fractured our original breaks.

Guess which one *I* am?

I'm the normal one, baby!! Whoo hoo! Out of all his elbow patients, I'm the one who's had an "almost-perfect" recovery. (I say "almost-perfect" because he can still see a sliiiiggghhhht line on one of the X-rays; it's only visible from that particular angle and it's not even big enough for him to be worried about it.)

It was so funny, though. I told him that my elbow only hurt when I had been "overdoing it."

"Well, I hope you're not OVERDOING overdoing it," he answered, writing on the chart.

"That depends," I answered brightly. "Would you consider karate classes to be 'overdoing overdoing' ?"

He looked up and gazed at me in disbelief just as a nurse walked in for his signature.

"This one just told me that she's been taking karate," he told her. "Awesome," she answered. "That's a new one for us." (Like I said, he's been hearing this kind of thing from ALL of his elbow patients, and I guess he and the staff had been comparing notes on the different Stupid Things Patients Do During Recovery.) He also told me that his elbow patients are more likely to BE the ones who push the envelope, do too much too soon and often end up re-injuring themselves--"I'm not sure why, either," he said, "but it's definitely not just you or even this particular group of patients. I see this all the time."

So anyway, that's when he looked at the x-rays and pronounced me healed. "Now, you still need to wait two weeks before you go breaking boards or anything," he said. "But for the most part, you're allowed to resume normal activity--within reason."

"Is bowling 'within reason'?" I asked, grinning.

He just closed his eyes.

"'Cuz I'm going tonight," I added.

"I now pronounce you officially cured," he said. "Now get outta here."

Side note: I do have a condition that causes my arms and legs to straighten somewhat abnormally. Normally, when someone locks their elbows or knees, their limbs straighten at the "neutral" point--i.e, a straight line. For me, though (and other people with this particular situation, the name of which I have already forgotten and will probably never remember again), our joints go BEYOND neutral to give us almost a bend or a curve. Ironically, the break to my elbow has actually made my right arm "normal" again. He said it's not a big deal, just something to be aware of--because people with this whatever-it-is are--and here he looked up at me pointedly--"more likely to fracture those joints--you know, like an ELBOW."

So anyway--no more follow ups are required, assuming I don't do anything spectacularly stupid in the next 2 weeks.

Should be easy enough, right? ;)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

My new book idea

It just came to me last night, and I've been revising the title in my head all day to get it just right.

"He Broke Your Heart--You Break His Kneecaps: Using karate to turn heartache* into a black belt."

THERE'S your best seller. LOL

*I originally had "to turn a broken heart into a black belt," because that would be comparing two nouns, 2 specific THINGS--but then it would be repeating the first part of my title. I am open to suggestions, though.

Monday, July 14, 2008


Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up, many news outlets (like TV Guide and People, LOL) are now reporting. And their reps confirmed it.

They were together for like FIVE YEARS.

I'm actually bummed about this.

I need to get out more.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Please indulge me

I've tried really hard not to make this blog a pity party after the latest (and final) breakup with Lying Cheating Bastard. But tonight, it's hard and so I have to say:

I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss SHAWN. Not the cheating, lying, deceitful LCB, but the OTHER Shawn, the one who kept me ignoring my instincts and keeping my blinders on. The Shawn who made me laugh more and harder than any other boyfriend ever did. The Shawn I'd have so much fun with. The one who knew me surprisingly well. The one who made me smile. The one who gave me butterflies every time he called. emailed or texted or I walked in the door.

He was an almost daily part of my life for quite a while--not that long in the grand scheme of things, not a long time compared to the relationships some of YOU have had--but he was still a significant part of my life, for a long time for ME. And now, to have him gone just like that, it sucks. And the WAY it ended is what truly sucks. He took our friendship, he took my trust, and he threw it away. (Truth be told, he had probably done that long before he admitted to it.) It's like he erased all of the good memories with that one single act. And that's not even accurate. Those good times aren't ERASED. They're SULLIED.* And that's even worse.

I hate knowing that that guy, that this relationship--and all the good times that went along with it--all ended with him cheating with someone at work (and, again, there's a good chance that there were others). It's weird to have that dual-image in my head--the good Shawn and the bad Shawn. The one who made me so incredibly happy and the one who broke my heart.

I think, overall, I'm doing okay. I mean, hell, as I write this, it's only been 6 days since I got that email. In the last week, I've gone out with friends several times, seen my little sister and picked up a new hobby. I've gotten out of the house almost every day. Compared to how I would have reacted to a breakup (hell, how I HAVE acted), I'm recovering very well for just 6 days in. But I'm also wondering if maybe I'm staying TOO busy, and if, in keeping myself from really thinking about it, I'm actually holding myself back from getting over it. There's gotta be a happy medium between "bouncing right back" and "wallowing in misery," and I don't think I've quite found it yet.

Like I said, I know I'll be fine, I know the day will come when I barely think of him, and if I DO, it won't hurt. But right now...I can't believe it's only been 6 days. I swear to God, it's almost like time has slowed to a crawl. I'm trying to fill up my days, and it's almost like, the more I do, the slower time goes. Shouldn't it be going the other way?

And furthermore: how could the guy who made me so happy also be the same one who hurt me so deeply?

Right now, I miss him so much that my chest hurts.

*Mad props for the use of the word "sullied"

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Karate Lesson #2

Today, I learned that:

- I am remarkably uncoordinated.
- It is surprisingly hard to step with your right foot and punch with your left, and then step with your left foot and punch with your right--over and over again, in quick succession. For me, it proved to be a little like that old "rub your belly and pat your head" trick.
- When you're just learning karate and you're watching and working with people who have been doing this for 5, 10, even 15 years, you feel like a straight-up jackass.
- Although I suck at punching the air, if you put one of those workout bags in front of me, I can actually pack some heat. No, seriously.
- I'm actually picking up the kicks pretty quickly (thanks to Tae Bo, I think), and I have the "back kick of a mule" (her words)--again, not sure if that's a compliment or not. =-)

Overall, even though *I* feel like I'm hopeless, she said that I'm doing quite well for a beginner, and that there are certain things I've already nailed (like the kicks, the c-step) that take some people a good couple of months. The punches, however (and there are SEVERAL, all increasingly more complicated), will take me a while.


The new Orbitz commercial, to demonstrate the amazing teeth-strengthening power of its product, shows a heartbroken woman ripping apart her ex's picture, his golf clubs and even the top to his convertible (and its tires!)--all with just her teeth.

And throughout the commercial, on the bottom of the screen, it reads (I shit you not):

"Do not attempt."

Dammit! NOW what am I supposed to do tonight?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Karate Kid

I started my karate lessons tonight.

(I'll pause here to give some of you time to stop laughing...and you know who you are, bitches.)

One of the local dojos offered those of us involved in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program a special rate--and I jumped on it. In the time between learning about this offer and actually starting tonight--well, as we know, some shit hit the fan. And as any Breakup Expert (like me) will tell you, finding a hobby and something to focus your time and energy on can be a crucial step in the healing process. So can taking care of yourself physically, getting in shape, etc. Well, this takes care of both. And if I can do all that for $25 a month (and that includes 3 classes a week), I'm definitely in.

I went tonight originally to fill out the paperwork, get my uniform, etc. Well, the sensei, Annie, stayed and worked with me one on one for about an hour (after the advanced group finished). And THAT was awesome--because now, when I start MY first real class on Saturday, I'll at least be somewhat familiar with some of the basic turns and moves. Plus--it was ONE ON ONE. With a real black belt. It was SWEET.

And I gotta tell you--I wasn't half bad. She commented a couple of times that, for my first night, I was hitting a lot of the positions pretty well. And at one point, as she was demonstrating a particular move, she told me to put my hand on her shoulder as she pulled down on my arm (obviously, we used my left arm for this). She said that as she pulled down on my arm, I had to resist by pushing back up against her. Well, this lady is a 4th degree black belt, and she had to really pull down hard. "Wow," she said. "You're stronger than you look." (Was that a compliment or an insult? LOL) And when we stand in the starting position (which is actually a lot like ballet, with your heels together and your feet pointing outward), I noticed that it's actually a little difficult for me to keep my heels totally together because my calf muscles kind of get in the way (from all the walking I do). So maybe I'm not as completely out of shape as I initially feared. "I'm not the most coordinated person in the world," I confessed as we were walking out. "Then this is exactly where you need to be," she answered.

Oh--and speaking of body parts getting in the way: my boobs are already quite the hindrance. Once the last male student had left, I turned to her and confessed that I was having an issue with certain moves. I also told her that standing up straight with my shoulders back was difficult for me psychologically, since self-conscious about that area and I'm used to kind of hunching forward and disguising/hiding my breastal area. She said that yes, larger-breasted women DO have to find a way to "compensate" for that particular "handicap" in certain moves but that it CAN be done. (She also tactfully suggested that I invest in a very sturdy sports bra.) As for the more mental aspect of it: karate is all about being strong, self-confident and poised. "I can tell that you're not that way now," she said. "But you will be."

As I walked out of my first lesson (which, again, was basically one-on-one with the sensei, which is a very rare and special opportunity--but she has a small and more private, personal dojo, which I love), I realized: holy crap, this is absolutely PERFECT for me. It will help me rebuild my self-confidence and self-esteem after being unceremoniously dropped earlier this week; it gives me something else to think about, even if it's only for an hour; it gives me an outlet into which I can direct my anger, pain and frustration; and it gets me out of the house. So frankly, right now, I am SO EXCITED about it and feel like I may just be embarking on something pretty big, something that could be a part of my identity, of who I am.

"But Jen," some of you may be thinking. "You just told us that you're coming off of a manic high--which is characterized, in part, by the tendency to throw yourself into a particular endeavor full speed ahead--only to get bored with it once you come back down again. I know you're all about becoming the next Ralph Macchio NOW--but what happens once your brain chemistry stabilizes again? Are you going to drop it?"

I'm not going to say that that's out of the realm of possibility. But honestly, I feel as though this attraction to karate is more than just a manic reflex. I truly feel that this is calling to me for a whole different reason--one that will prove to be more than just a passing phase. In fact, as we were leaving, Sensei said that that's why she stayed late with me--because she could tell that I was "a sponge," soaking it all in. (And there's SO MUCH to take in, obviously--not just the moves themselves but the words for those moves, etc. It's literally like learning a second language.)

And it's awesome, because this woman is, obviously, in great shape--thin, of course, and strong. And this--karate--is all she does to stay in shape. Now, I'm going to keep up with my walking, of course--but I have to tell you, that after just an hour of karate, I'm already feeling it. I feel it the most in my stomach--standing up straight with my shoulders back automatically makes my stomach muscles tighten up and constrict. And just from the basic moves she showed me tonight, I can tell that my arms are going to get an incredible workout, too. The deliberate, controlled movements work muscles that I didn't even know I had. (I'm also getting sore because we were actually sparring--but, since I didn't know any of the moves, she would basically arrange me in a certain position like I was a poseable Ken doll, tell me to throw a punch--and then she'd block it by twisting, hitting and kicking various parts of my body. And I gotta say, I took it pretty well. Oooh! And she showed me how I could take down a man using just one strategically placed finger. And, if I had someone on their back, how to place that finger to prevent them from being able to get up, regardless of their size or strength.)

Overall: I am SO EXCITED. I'm going to practice some of the moves she showed me tonight and tomorrow. It's funny, because she said that with time, everything about me will subtly change--the way I walk, the way I stand, etc. I think that this will do incredible things for my self-confidence--it will remind me of both my inner and outer strength. It will give me something larger than myself to focus on.

(FYI: she said to plan on being a white belt for a good 7-8 months. So I have a lot of work ahead of me. Oh--and this "type" of karate, isshin ryu, has just 4 belts: white, green, brown, and black--although you may earn "stripes" on certain belts before moving up, so that each color may have more than one step).

Check out to see Sensei Annie. She's a total badass. =-)


So I know that this movie has gotten mixed reviews, but I really liked it. REALLY liked it. Yes, the first part was definitely funnier than the second half (Will Smith and Jason Bateman play off of each other very well, and I lost count of the number of times I laughed out loud), but the entire movie kept my attention. There was a weird little subplot including one of the bad guys that never really went anywhere, but that's really my only major criticism. Oh--and the special effects seemed slightly cheesy ("cheesy" isn't really the right word, but they definitely weren't up to 2008 "summer blockbuster" standards).

But yeah, overall, I definitely recommend it (it does have a lot of swearing; it doesn't bother me at all, but I just wanted to mention it for those of you who may be more sensitive to that kind of thing or who were considering bringing older kids. Other than the swearing, I do think it's an okay movie for kids to see--but stick to 12 and older).

Has anyone else seen it yet? Agree or disagree?

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Sharp intake of breath!

OMG, I hope they can climb out of the hole...I LOVE this store. Cute, cute stuff and most of it is under $10! (I love SJ Parker's stuff.)

Steve & Barry's files for bankruptcy protection

NEW YORK - Steve & Barry's LLC, once a growing force in low-priced fashion retailing, said Wednesday that it filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, the latest merchant to succumb to a harsh consumer spending climate.

It also announced that it was considering a plan to sell all or some of its assets to repay outstanding debt, and was eliminating 172 corporate and field staff positions immediately. Wendi Kopsick, a spokeswoman for the company, said no decision had been made about how many stores it would close.

The Port Washington, N.Y.-based chain operates 276 locations in 39 states and made a big splash with merchandising endorsements with actress Sarah Jessica Parker, NBA star Stephon Marbury and other celebrities.

The Steve & Barry's bankruptcy is the latest blow to malls, which are confronting rising vacancies, though at the moment the filings have been limited to smaller retailers.

Steve & Barry's officials blamed a cash crunch as a result of tighter credit markets and sluggish economic conditions. That hurt its plans to open stores and its ability to borrow money.

"It has become increasingly difficult for us to continue operating normally under these circumstances."

"As a result of all of this, our loans have gone into default, and we have had no alternative but to file Chapter 11 to enable continued operations," they said.

The bankruptcy filing marks a hard and fast fall for Steve & Barry's, founded in 1985. Its success was built on selling $10 fashions while keeping costs low by using virtually no advertising, manufacturing its own clothes and selling in large volume.

In fact, its low-price fashion formula should have thrived in this environment as shoppers have been trading down to cheaper stores. But the founders conceded that in this climate, marketing prowess and cheap prices just weren't enough.

From a sales perspective, the company's founders said that the chain performed well, with total sales in the first five months of 2008 rising 70 percent; average store sales rose 25 percent and same-store sales, or sales at stores open at least a year, rose 15 percent. In particular, its exclusive branded lines of merchandise created with Parker and others have performed "exceptionally well." Kopsick noted that the celebrity partnerships are still intact and that Parker and the other stars are working closely with the retailer. She added their support has been "incredible."

Despite what company offical describe as strong sales, that wasn't enough given the overall tightening of credit and harsh economic environment. The company noted that high costs of materials and fuel prices have increased the costs of goods and cost of operating. Company founders also noted that its customers are "feeling the pain of high food and gas prices and declining home values, and many of them are being forced to shop closer to their homes and cut back on discretionary purchases."

Full story here


I have a tendency to (in a fit of health consciousness) stock up on yogurt--and then let it sit in the fridge, uneaten and only touched when I have to move the Fortess of Yogurt to reach something else. My roommate always makes fun of me for it. ("If you want to throw money away, you can just give it right to me," he once said. "Shut up, I'm gonna eat them this time," I defended myself, and he just kind of snorted. "No, for real," I stressed.

So those 10 yogurts are still in the fridge--and today I came home with 20 more.

"Are you freakin' KIDDING me with this?" he asked as I innocently started to unpack my groceries.

"Dude," I said. "They were TWENTY for NINE BUCKS."

I'm gonna eat them this time, though.

For real.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008


So. First I should come clean (with those of you who don't know) and say that I got back with Lying Bastard shortly after my return to Florida. However, that blew up in my face in SPECTACULAR fashion yesterday when he informed me that he slept with someone else over the weekend and, in fact, was leaving me for her.


Needless to say, I was a bit upset yesterday. (And still am, but hell, it's my own damn fault. I was almost asking for it, really. "I SUSPECT you're cheating on me, but since I still have SOME measure of self-respect left, let's get back together so you can take care of that. That way, I can hang in there until you ADMIT that you're cheating on me--and then you can kick me when I'm down by telling me that after 6 months of not quite being able to commit to me, you're ready to become exclusive with her after just a FUCKING WEEK. How's that? Sound like a plan?")


Anyway, I went to my already-scheduled Crazy Doc appt. today. After talking to me for a few minutes, she informed me that I was in the middle of a manic episode and actually had been for at least the last week or so--well before this Lying Bastard shit hit the fan. I knew that I had been feeling--not depressed, exactly, but more apathetic--I just didn't feel like going out, I wasn't calling people back, etc. On top of that, however, I've been up all night, unable to sleep; I've been spending money like I'm freakin' Paris Hilton or some shit--and a few other things that are the hallmark of "up" episodes. Ironically, I am just 10 days or so from the one-year anniversary of my breakup with Dave--and, of course, the famous episode that sent me into treatment in the first place (shout out to the nice officers of the Estero Police Department. Holla!). So, I'm almost extra bummed to find out that I'm struggling with it again, since it's been a full year--which, in hindsight, is the longest I've gone my whole LIFE without a "freak out" or "melt down" or "temper tantrum" (as I would have called it before). I know that bipolar disorder is never cured, and even with medicine, you're almost guaranteed to have future episodes--the key, though, is to recognize the symptoms early and deal with it before it becomes more severe. And luckily, we caught it in time. But still, I've been all proud of myself for being "normal" this last year.

Dr. L did say, though, that it was a good thing I came in when I did, since already being in an episode and then having this added emotional "strain" added to it probably would have sent me into a much more severe, um, situation.

The funny part is that during our last appt. about 5 weeks ago, she had written me a script for a particular "sleeping pill"--you all remember me talking about it, I'm sure. It's the stuff that totally knocked me on my ass. Well, it's a special sleeping pill for people with BP--however, I thought it was an "as needed" kind of pill. As she was reviewing my chart today, she said, "Okay, so right now you're on the Lamictal and the Seroquel--" and I interrupted her and said, "No, not really." She gave me her over-the-glasses look and I clarified, "I only take that Seroquel stuff when I really need it and honestly, once my samples ran out, I just kind of stopped and went back to the Unisom and stuff."

She looked at me like I was a dullard and informed that I was supposed to be taking that EVERY NIGHT. "It's part of what helps to control your disease," she said. "It makes sure you're getting enough sleep every night, which is crucial for people with BP, but it also helps to regulate your brain chemistry during the day."

Ooops. My bad. =-)

So, yeah--I filled that script on my way home, LOL. And I'm fittin' to take one right now, actually, since I slept for, oh, 2 hours last night.

I'll be okay (both crazy-wise and heartbreak-wise)...but it may take a while.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Roadside assistance

So today, while out with my Little Sister, I locked us out of my car. It was at the end of our day; we had stopped by Domino's to pick up a pizza for her to take home (she had a coupon from school). While she was waited inside for her pizza, I went out to my car to clean it out and wipe down the interior, something I'd been meaning to do for a few days. I was quite proud of my multi-tasking and time-saving, actually.

Until my hip hit the door, slamming it shut. Not a big deal--until I tried to open it and realized it was locked. (I must have hit the lock button as I was cleaning the door.) I peered in and, sure enough, spotted my keys on the passenger seat. I used a few choice words to express my irritation and went back inside.

"Oooooooooooo, Miss Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen," said Rachel. "You said a bad wooooooooooord."

"Nuh-uh," I bluffed.

"Yeah, you did," she said. "You said the S word THREE TIMES. And then you pulled on the door handle--"she acted it out--"and then you said it AGAIN!"

(At this point, the Domino's guys--pizza maker, drivers, cashier--were cracking up. "Oooh, Miss Jeeeen," one of them said. I glared at him.)

"You could NOT have heard that from in here," I answered, realizing that I was busted.

"I read your lips," she said proudly. "But at least you didn't say the F word. If you did, it would have looked like THIS." And again she demonstrated--which sent the guys into another round of laughter.

Now the bitch of it is, we were only like 4 miles from my house, where I had a spare key. However--OF COURSE--this was a day that I forgot my cell phone--and I don't have my roommate's number memorized. Luckily, Kia offers free roadside assistance for like 3 years (shout out to Kia--holla!), and one of the guys let me use his cell phone. We only had to wait about 30 minutes for the locksmith (ironically, the amount of time for a Domino's pizza delivery). Meanwhile, Rachel set up shop at the counter, with her pizza and a 2-liter of Coke. She was actually happy as a clam.

Ah, well. It's been a while since I locked myself out. I guess I was about due.
Two things

1) A couple of weeks ago, I had like 3 different dreams that my back tooth fell out. They were so vivid that when I woke up, I had to run my tongue around the inside of my mouth to make sure that all of my teeth were still there.

Last night, part of my back tooth broke off. How weird is THAT? I can't say that it was the same exact tooth as the one in my dream, but it was sure as hell in the same area. I'm not hurting yet (knock on wood) and I hope it stays that way until Monday, when my dentist can (hopefully) get me in for an emergency crown or whatever.

2) I got a tattoo tonight! It was one that I've been thinking about it for a good year now, so it's not something I rushed into and did on a Saturday night when I was drunk. =-) I walked in knowing exactly what I wanted and gave him the artwork. It's a cover-up for the one tattoo that I regret (my sorority letters from college, on my right hip. Seemed like a good idea when I was 19; not so much at 31)--so although it was technically my 5th tat, it still looks like I have 4. I'll wait till it heals a bit to post a pic, but it's the logo for Soldiers' Angels. It's my tribute to Grimm and to all the other guys (and girls). This, like my other tattoos, is one that will always hold special meaning to me. I'm very happy with how it turned out--except that it's pretty damn big. =-)

(Brief interlude while you all go check out ), so that you know what the hell I'm talking about for the rest of this post. ;)

The soldier in the middle of the logo covers my original tat (I had it all planned out, too--since the soldier is solid black, it worked out great)--and then the red and blue wings span out behind it. Mine isn't quite as detailed as the one here; for example, it doesn't have the black shadows or whatever those are on the wings (and I actually think it looks better that way, since it draws more attention to the red and blue) and it doesn't say Soldiers' Angels at the top--but otherwise, it's pretty damn close.

So like I said, although it's bigger than what I envisioned (and it had to be, for the soldier to cover up my original one), it's still really pretty. I think you guys will be impressed when you see it.

I'll tell you one thing, though: since it was so much bigger than my other ones, the pain also increased accordingly. My friend Kelly went with me (shit, it was her idea to go tonight--and then OF COURSE she chickened out once we got there, LOL). As she was watching him work, she asked me if it hurt. I kind of winced and said, "Yeah"--but that was my only outward reaction (probably because the pain made me incapable of speech). She goes, "Damn, I've seen you react more strongly to getting your eyebrows waxed." (She's right, too. You can usually hear me throughout the salon.) Of course, she also missed the part about 10 minutes earlier, as he was working on the outline of the feathers (and anyone who's gotten a tat knows that the outline is the worst damn part) and I spewed out a slew of swear words like the chick in The Exorcist. In an attempt to reassure me, he said, "Hang in there, I'm almost halfway done with the feathers" and through gritted teeth I hissed, "Fuck the rest of the feathers!" (But other than that, I was a trooper.) ;)

And yes, the time stamp on this post is correct--I still haven't been to bed. I think it's the adrenalin from the pain (and the fact that I didn't roll out of bed till 1:30 this afternoon sure ain't helping, either).

UPDATE: It's actually looking pretty good already, so here you go...

And for the record, those are neither bruises nor varicose veins on my thigh, just residual ink and tape marks. Also, my thigh is not as big as it looks here...I'm just sayin'. Oh--and the tips of the angel wings are actually symmetrical; it's just the position my leg is in.

Here are a few more close up, for detail:

(I think the silhouette of the soldier turned out pretty kick-ass, personally.)

(The vertical lines in the blue section represent the ripples in a waving flag; it looks better in person.)

(No, I didn't suddenly develop jaundice; I moved to the bathroom to get different lighting.)

So what say you?

Thursday, July 03, 2008


Mind you, I'm slightly buzzed. Here's my deep thought for the day.

Who names fruit? For example: watermelon. It's easy to see how they came up with that one--it's a melon that's filled with water. But take cantaloupe. (Did I spell that right? I don't even care right now.) First of all, who named that? And how did they look at that particular piece of fruit and come up with the word "cantaloupe"?

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The Bionic Woman

I went to bone doc today. ;) He came in and gave me an overview of what we were going to do: keep sling on for another 2 weeks and send me to physical therapy. Then he looked at my X-rays.

"Or not," he said.

After just shy of 4 weeks, my bone has almost completely healed. "Seriously," he said. "I know where the fracture WAS, but I can't see it. It's not there anymore."

Whoo hoo!

He does still want me to wear the sling, just to remind myself not to do too much with it the next couple of weeks, but he did also give me permission to push myself with it a little more. For example, I've been extending it and working on getting back my full range of motion (rotating my arm, etc), but I've been scared to push it beyond the point at which it naturally stops, for fear of worsening the break. But since there's virtually no break anymore, I can get a little more aggressive.

"But not too much," he warned. "It's still a broken elbow, and the healing had to have been pretty recent--which means it could easily break again if too much stress is put on it. So just be careful."

I go back in 2 weeks. By then, he said, I should have full range of motion back, which means completely straightening my arm (I'm almost there; I can even straighten it all the way when I'm in the pool or hot tub) and being able to rotate my arm/hand 180 degrees, so that the palm of my hand is facing down (that's the part I've been struggling with the most).

Whoo hoo!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008


I was looking at the local blood center's list of available donation locations. It lists the main centers, of course, plus the schedule for the Blood Mobile. One particular stop caught my eye:

Lee County Sheriff Office
Gun Range/Mosquito Control
6570 Felix Romano Ave, Fort Myers

Damn. They don't fuck around with those mosquitos, do they?