Sunday, April 30, 2006

Pictures of our trip

Again, most of these pictures kind of suck ass due to how dark it was in there, but trust me, it's a GREAT time. They go out of their way to recreate the period, from table settings to the building itself to the way everyone (including the servers) spoke.

This was part of the ceiling inside the lobby. ("Lobby" isn't really the right word--it was HUGE--but it's where everyone gathered and looked around while they were waiting to go inside.)

This is the Lord (the THE Lord, mind you) ;) who addressed the crowd from a balcony in the reception area; he gave us the rules for the evening, explained how everything worked, etc.

This picture REALLY came out dark but I wanted to try to capture our pewter place settings because they were so cool. I adjusted the contrast, brightness, etc and this is the best I could do. (The battery was too low for the flash to work on my camera, plus I was scared of spooking the horses.)
Inside the arena

These were all taken as the knights were getting ready to come out. You can see the rows of tables (kind of). Each long table seats 9 (so our group had our own table, which was cool--and let me tell you, they DEFINITELY knew we were there, LOL).

Fog filled the floor right before the knights were introduced.

"Our" knight (who threw me a flower, but only because I was standing up and screaming like a damn Knight Groupie. We were in the very first row, center, so I was pretty hard to ignore.)

Our knight again, preparing to do battle. (Damn, that's hot.)

Medieval Times

Yesterday, Missy, Nikki, Steph (another sister), Lynda, her husband Shawn and some people Missy and Nikki work with took a little road trip to just north of Chicago. We were going to Medieval Times, where we would experience "the magnificent age of chivalry, pageantry, knights, jousting and tournaments" and "partake in a sumptuous feast as a spirited tournament unfolds before" us. (I took that straight out of my souvenier program, since they described it way better than I could have.)

Anyway, it was really cool. I'll be posting some pictures shortly. Unfortunately, the actual "arena" part was pretty dark during the actual show, so it was hard to get any good shots of that. Plus, once the actual jousting and competitions started, I was too busy yelling for "our" knight (shown int these pictures) to really worry about taking many pictures. Each section was given a knight to cheer for. We women really got into it, hollering and cheering and shouting--I haven't yelled like that since my last concert--but most of the guys seemed to be too cool to stand up and wave their flags in support of their hero. ;)

We had to get there at 4:30 for the 6:00 show. We thought it was to help facilitate seating and maybe that was part of it; the bigger reason, though, seemed to be so we could mill around their lobby, buying souveniers and EXTREMELY expensive drinks (although they DID come with collectible glasses).

The show really was exciting. I had a great time. I wouldn't recommend driving three hours out there, watching the show and then driving three hours back all in one day like we did, but if you live close to one of the locations (or if you make a weekend out of it), I HIGHLY recommend it. Renee and Kish, I think this is something your boys would love, even if they're not into "medieval" stuff at all.

I drove with Dan, Mike and one of the other girls, since Steph's van was full and, silly me, I didn't want to sit on the floor during the whole trip. (I'm high-maintenance like that.) It was a little weird at first, since I didn't know the other two at all and I've met Dan like once, but three hours in a car will bond you with someone. Plus, Dan had a laptop with a GPS system on it that was really fun to play with and various computer games. (Our drive home was spiced up when we got pulled over; apparently Dan was going 42 in a 30, but we were lost, didn't know where we were and the cop took pity on us. Plus, as he said, "If you're just coming from Medieval Times, you probably don't have any money left anyway, so I'm just going to give you a warning.")

All in all, good times. Thanks to Nikki for putting that whole thing together! (Kish and Renee, I have a DVD and that program, if you wanted to look at them to see if it's something you'd be interested in--especially you, Renee, since you live so close.)

Friday, April 28, 2006

"You're stupid!"

***WARNING: This post is rated R for explicit language***

As most of you know, I live north of Chicago; almost to Wisconson. So when I come "home" to Holland, I have to drive through Chicago and around the lake to get there. I usually have my son in the car with me, so aside from speeding, I'm always on my best driving behavior.

Last weekend Brent stayed home with my husband while I went to Holland for the March of Dimes walk and to drink the night away with Jen :-) I was very much looking forward to the drive, even though I was leaving at rush hour on Friday. Not a big deal, because at least I could listen to cds instead of a SpongeBob video or Moose Songs or something else that makes me want to drive off the road.

Traffic SUCKS (to be exact, I didn't touch the accelerator for 2 hours), and to make it worse, the express lanes aren't open. But it's all good, cuz I'm singing my heart out and I know it will all be worth it because I'm gonna have fun over the course of the weekend.

Now, even though the express lanes are closed, there are still the off-ramps for them that would merge into my lane (my motto for driving in Chicago is to Get Left, Stay Left, so I'm always in the left lane). Suddenly, the little Mazda in front of me pulls a road block by getting between the left lane and the merge lane. I looked in my rear-view to see a black SUV flying up the merge lane, thinking his stupid ass is gonna get a little further ahead in the stopped traffic by pulling this little move. What a jackass, right? I'll be damned if I'm letting him in front of me, so I immediately follow the Mazda, thinking it will be a little more effective cuz I have a Soccer Mom Van. SUV guy is not giving up. I'm about a frog's hair from the Mazda's bumper; couldn't get closer if I wanted to. Still, SUV guy is inching his way closer-- so close our mirrors are almost touching. I'm getting PISSED and even more adamant that he's not getting in front of me, when the bitch in the passenger seat looked at me and said, through closed windows, "Let us IN!"

Oh, hell no. You do NOT expect me to let you in after pulling such an assinine move. She actually looked SHOCKED that I wasn't letting them in. Like what they did was acceptable and *I* was in the wrong. I rolled down my window, being thankful that Brent wasn't in the car so I can do this, and said "FUCK YOU!" She looked quite taken aback, and rolled her window down.

Stupid Girl: "what did you say?"
Me: "You heard me, and you are NOT getting in front of me; that's NOT what that lane is for and you know it!"

At this point, I contemplated throwing my bottle of water at her, but something made me not (probably my desire not to be in jail during the charity walk I was to participate in the following day).

Stupid Girl: "You're a BITCH!"
***And my brilliant response?***
Me: "Well... you're stupid!"


There were at least three cars behind me that also did not let them in. That ass clown would have been better off just staying where he was in the first place. Them being behind me is all the more reason to be thankful I didn't chuck my water bottle at Stupid Girl; they could have taken my license plate # and that would have sucked for me :-)

The moral of this story, ladies and gentleman, is to drive like a normal person; don't act like you own the road. If you act a fool, be prepared for a barrage of foul language and, possibly, full water bottles that would be thrown mostly out of frustration, but still hard enough to hurt at least a little bit.
I Love My Son

Brent drew me the cutest picture yesterday. He's all about cop cars, fire trucks, ambulances, etc. He loves seeing them, asks a million questions about them, always draws them, play with his Hot Wheel ones constantly. At a classmate's birthday party at a fire station last month, he chatted with a firefighter for 15 minutes. Unheard of for him.

The picture is of a police car and an ambulance, and underneath each, he wrote what they are, "just in case you didn't know, Mom". I'm not sure why, but his funny spelling made me misty-eyed. He turned 5 in February; I think he did a pretty good job. "Ples" was written under the police car. "Ambleis" was written under ambulance. He pronounces it "amblience", so it was pretty close to how he says it :-)

Just had to share with everyone how adorable my son is :-)

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Who, me?

Your Inner Child is Angry

You're not an angry person. But when you don't get your way, watch out.

Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want. Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Happy Anniversary!

I just realized that this past Sunday was a very monumentous occasion here at Broken Road. April 23 was the TWO YEAR anniversary of the beginning of this blog. Two damn years. I can't believe I've actually stuck with it for this long. Hell, I can't believe that YOU guys have, for that matter.

This blog has provided a way for "my girls" (including LoB and Fred)--no matter where *I* am or all of YOU are--to stay in touch, have fun, offer support and guidance and, for some of you, waste valuable company time. It's actually brought some of my respective friends--who otherwise may never have met--together. And, of course, it also provided the basis for the infamous Blog Party last summer (speaking of which, I do believe it's time to start planning Blog Party 2006....).

While composing this entry, I looked back at some old posts....and oddly enough, it was on this exact date last year that I realized our first "anniversary." We may just have to change the anniversary date to the 26th, since this is the only date I can apparently remember.

Anyway, thanks for another great year. I'm excited to see what this next year has in store for us all (LOL, I feel like it's New Years or something).

That's the total number of days that elapsed between receiving my hot, stylish and fun Britney skates and actually SKATING in them. (For the record, I actually took them out of the box the very day I got them, thank you very much. And they were QUITE the hit with Paige and Tyler.)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Walk

Well, we did it--and we finished it in just a little over an hour, too. We really knocked out those miles pretty easily (although I did get a little more tired towards the end, due to the countless free bottles of water I was carrying in my backpack; for some reason, I felt the need to pick some up at every station we came to). Good times were had, hands were compulsively washed and laughs were shared. I saw Tyson for the first time since our "break up"--it actually went just fine and we had a good time walking together and getting caught up. We did an unofficial count of the money raised by the entire team (which, mind you, was just 6 of us or so), and we came in just short of $1500. Not too bad!

I'm still too traumatized to talk about the breakfast that FOLLOWED the walk (let's just say that Greg ended up meeting my mother and she was in FINE FORM), but I'll try to post about that part later. I'm still waiting to see what happens at Part 2 of Jen's Hell on Earth tonight (some of us, including Said Mother, are going out bowling tonight, and he said he was going to meet us for a little while for that, too--to "talk to my mom some more." I, frankly, am sure that he was just being polite and is halfway to Canada by now).

Friday, April 21, 2006

Bring Ted’s Daughter to Work Day

Today is Bring Your Child to Work Day, here at the office. For the record, I voted against this day from the beginning. I don’t have kids yet and am not all together fond of them. They’re noisy.

Anywho, parents were only allowed to bring one child. This caused several parents to have to choose between their children, causing life-long grief and counseling issues for those left behind. Ted has two kids and wanted to bring both. Because I’m a sucker and can’t say no to anything (or maybe because I’m a sweet, giving, angel of a person – no, that can’t be it), I finally ended up agreeing to bring Ted’s 12 year-old daughter to work so that she could come, too.

It’s been quite a day around the office. We had a few dozen kids running around the place. I believe a fight may have been broken up in the boy’s room. The girls made t-shirts and decided to write sexy girl on most of them (these are 6 to 12 year-old girls, mind you). The CEO's gumball machine was quite the attraction. We ate our breakfast, lunch and had a cake & ice cream snack.

When I got my kid, we set her up with an email address, something every girl needs. It actually went surprisingly well and our hour flew by!

Update: Aw! She just came over and thanked me for sponsoring her and that she had fun! Maybe kids might not be so bad after all…

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Theme song for your life

Out in MySpace land, there's this "bulletin" (which are kind of like email forwards) which states that the #1 chart-topping song on either the day you were born or your 18th birthday (depending on the version you read; both are going around) is said to be your life's theme song.

For me, that is either If You Leave Me Now by Chicago or I'll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men.

I'm not exactly sure what to make of that (I'm either going to have a really bad love life or a damn GOOD one, LOL)--but either way, check it out yourself at and post the results here.
Checking in

So far, Greg and I were together Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and we're going to hang out tonight, too. We're getting the time in now because the rest of the week is pretty busy--Thursday night we're taking off because he has his daughter, Friday night I really SHOULDN'T do anything because I have to get up early for the walk on Saturday (and the earliest night I've had so far has been midnight), Saturday I'm really hoping that I'll get to hang out with Renee and whoever else wants to join us and Sunday I work at Penney's.

He's just so great to hang out with. We do absolutely nothing and it's the best time I've had in a while. Last night, for example, he made baked spaghetti (which was PHENOMINAL) and we watched the Wings game until he got pissed off, and then we went out for an hour-and-a-half walk around the neighborhood, just talking about EVERYTHING. He calls me during the day just to say hi and to say he's thinking about me. He's a total smartass and cracks a lot of jokes, but every now and then he'll pop out with something so sweet and sincere that I'm literally rendered speechless. He's got this amazing side to him--he's been through a lot (he lost his brother when he was 16, for example) and as he begins to talk more about it, I'm just that much more impressed with the man he's become.

Okay, I'll stop now. Just wanted to check in and share my happiness (before it blows up in my face). The way he talks, it sounds like he's planning on sticking around for a while--he'll mention us going camping this summer, for example, or how his dad will love me (I guess he's a boob man, LOL)...and yet I'm still holding back, because I'm trying not to let myself get TOO excited or hopeful about the future. I've had too many disappointments to really believe that something THIS good could really come along, or that this could actually BE something. I'm trying to "go slow"--we both are, because we've both been hurt--but damn, when you click with someone this strongly so quickly, when you start finishing each other's sentences on the first date and can just sit there in absolute silence and have it feel like the most natural thing in the's hard not to let your mind wander.

I am SO lucky to have someone like him come into my life. I'll tell what you what, if he is my reward for all of the crap I've had to go through to find him, then it was all absolutely worth it.

Monday, April 17, 2006

I'm in love!

This was the best Easter EVER.

I had two dates this weekend. The first one, on Saturday night, was with a great guy--29, lives in GR, works in marketing. This one has potentional, I thought, so I even had Missy do my hair beforehand, just so I'd make the best possible impression. We went bowling, ate, watched a movie at his place....We have so much in common, he makes me laugh, and he's a genuinely NICE guy.

As it turns out, though, this isn't the guy who ended up ROCKING MY WORLD.

There was this other guy I've been talking to on His name is Greg, he's 29 and he lives here in Holland. He works on some dock somewhere. We've been talking a LOT the last few week or so, both online and on the phone. We were on the phone for 2 hours on Friday night. "We're gonna be inseperable, aren't we?" he asked. I really didn't think much more about it, though, than "Hey, this could be a really good friend." I mean, at the time, I was too focused on the date with the other guy, the one with "real potential." Greg was just this crazy, funny guy who made me laugh (and, occasionally, drove me nuts; he's a bigger smartass than *I* am, even).

But before and after (and, truth be told, even a few times during my date with the OTHER guy, I kept thinking about Greg. He called me on Sunday to say happy Easter, and we decided to just meet up for an hour or two (or "get it over with," as I put it). And, just like that, I went. No prepping (my first attempt with the straight iron had been earlier that day; it looked OKAY, but not nearly as good as when Missy had done it the night before for what I thought was my "real" date), no stressing--I just freshened up, changed out of my "eating sweats" and went.

And, at the risk of sounding dramatic, I do believe it changed my life.

Now mind you, it's not just me. ;) (Shut up, it's not.) Before we met up, we had jokingly talked about eloping--but I swear to God, if we had had more money, I'd probably be in Vegas right now (the subject did come up last night).

He's....he's...GOD, YOU GUYS. HE IS SO INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL. He's a smartass and he talks a great deal of shit, but he's also got this sweet, sensitive, caring side. Like me, he uses his smart-assed-ness as a shield, sort of, to keep people at a distance. (And we can already call each other out on that.) But when the "other" him comes out, it just...blows me AWAY. He's probably one of the most loving men (hahhahahha....the first time I typed that, I actually wrote "loving mans") I've ever known. A lot of that comes out when he's talking about his daughter, who is just under a year and a half and the absolute center of his world. This man is SUCH a devoted and loving father, and I think that's what I admire the most about him.

Plus, he's not bad to look at AT ALL.

When we first met in person, I thought, Holy hell, this guy is WAY too cute for me. Seriously, that was my very first thought. I mean, I'm not the Elephant Man or anything, but let's face it, I draw more people in with my sense of humor than my stunning good looks. So as soon as we both stepped out of our cars (and instantly starting bullshitting with each other), I thought, "Oh yeah, this one is becoming just a friend"--not because I didn't want more, but because I thought, "No WAY is this going to happen. He's too hot."

At one point, we stopped by his parents' house because he needed to pick something up (they're in FL right now), and he kissed me in their kitchen. Later in the evening, we were talking in his truck while he was dropping me back off at my car, and he said, "Wow. I think I had my last first kiss in my parents' kitchen." At first I thought he meant that, before me, his last first kiss had been there, too. But then I realized that he meant his last first kiss....EVER.

The funniest thing, Kishelle, is that his last time is T***. Yes, they're related. He's Doug's second cousin or something like that (I think their dads are brothers). And Renee, he went to our junior high, but he was a year ahead of us. (He went to HHS, too, but neither one of US really did. Still, you might know him.) If, IF this is it, I walked right by The One back in like 1991 on a daily basis. Yet, it took me THIS LONG to find him?! (Neither one of us remembers the other one from school, though. He said he was going to try to dig up his old yearbook at his parents' house to find me; I begged him in the name of all that is holy not to. After all, junior high was not my most flattering time, LOL.)

HE REMINDS ME OF CHRISTOPHER TITUS, if any of you know who that is (actor/ comedian); both in how he looks and how he acts.

Now, I KNOW that you've all heard me say "I'm gonna marry this guy!" before, and I've even thought that I meant it once or twice. But never have I come home from a first date and THIS. (And I can't put into words what "THIS" is...terrified and yet perfectly calm at the same time.)

I'm either getting married or headed for a spectacular heartbreak.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I'm an asshole.

At least, that's what one of my students informed me today.

A. (he's in 1st or 2nd grade) was in a timeout on the wall at recess today and he called another student a "stupid head." When one of the other teachers overheard him, she reminded him that we don't call people stupid heads. As she was walking away, he muttered, "Whatever, asshole."

My head snapped up (I was in hearing range). "WHAT did you say?" I demanded, sure that I must have heard incorrectly.

"I said 'asshole,' " he repeated.

Now at that age, kids often use swear words without really knowing what they mean; they're just repeating what they hear at home, in movies, etc. So the first time a child uses a bad word, we first have a little talk with them to see if they even know what they're saying.

"A., do you know what that word even means?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied, "and you guys are all assholes."

"A.," I said firmly, "that is a word we don't EVER use at school, do you understand?" (Yes, he shouldn't use it at all, since he's SEVEN and all, but I'm only responsible for him at school.)

I then calmly turned, walked away and (once I was out of sight) started laughing to myself. I mean, he was so matter-of-fact in the way he simply stated his opinion of us. (The other teachers were biting their lips, too. Is it bad that we were laughing or are you all seeing the humor in this, as well?)

Later on, I was going inside to grab an incident report and the other teacher in question asked me to grab her one, as well.

"Whatever, asshole," I answered under my breath as I walked by. She was still laughing when I came back outside.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Swayed over to the dark side

Well I've fought it for a couple of years, but I was finally sucked into the dark underworld that is MySpace. I hear it can become quite addicting. At first I resisted simply because it was "the cool thing to do" and "everyone else was doing it," but now enough of my friends are on there that I figured, what the hell.

Anyway, if any of YOU are on there and want to add me, come find me at (yeah, I'm not very original).

Sunday, April 09, 2006

You Are a Relationship Doormat!

Surprise, you ruin relationships. Bet you didn't see that one coming :-) While you're a nice, understanding, and caring girlfriend - you don't put your needs first.And deep down, it's probably because you worry about getting dumped.So speak up for yourself, weed out the losers sooner, and you'll find a guy that *deserves* you.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

What the hell is a tender roni?

I first heard it in a Bobby Brown song, of course, but then on my way home from work tonight, I realized that Michael Jackson uses the phrase in "P.Y.T" too (I know, I'm only about 20 years slow with that epiphany).

So since I'm old and desperately uncool, what the hell IS a "tender roni"? Am I one?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Nitrous Frickin’ Oxide

(Yeah Baby! At long last, I make my post about the lovely gas at the dentist’s office.)

I’ve had a long-standing fear of dentists. My latest dentist resolves this problem by giving free doses of nitrous oxide, God bless her heart. I’d never had it until I went to her but now I get it whenever I need anything remotely scary done.

Whenever I’m given the gas, I think “Man, this is the best idea EVER! I’ve gotta post about this amazing experience!” I create entire posts about the wonders of nitrous oxide in my head and laugh to myself at how utterly witty I am. But when I come off of my happy high, I don’t seem to be able to remember anything about it (huh, what a shocker).

Last night as I received two fillings, I decided that this time I was gonna do it! I really was gonna post, by golly! I made a real attempt to remember all the amazing things I’d post about. This is what I remember:

1) My dentist has pretty eyes
2) Fly crawling on the ceiling
3) I wonder why I don’t get high anymore for fun, just when I come to the dentist
4) I wonder how they keep from laughing at me when I have all this funny-looking stuff stuck in my mouth

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Field trip

Today (meaning Wednesday), I had my first work-related field trip. I'm the one who actually had to organize it, plan it, etc, so I started relatively small: the Holland Museum. It actually went pretty well (they didn't just do boring "museum stuff": they had an I-spy scavenger hunt, and the kids got to decorate wooden nickels, play dress-up with old clothes and EAT WINDMILL COOKIES).

For the most part, the kids (who, I must say, behaved pretty well; of course, Mr. Brian and I threatened them with everything under the sun if they DIDN'T act right) seemed to enjoy it, except for one of the older boys who complained that there was "too much informational talking and stuff." On the bus ride back, I asked what their favorite part of the trip was. In order, here are the results:

1) The cookies
2) The elevator ride from the main floor to the basement
3) The free balloon each student received

Even so, I'm still considering the day a success, as I returned back to work with the same amount of children I left with and my kids didn't do anything to get us permanently banned from the Museum.
Emotionally trying day

NOT ONLY did Eminem file for divorce from Kim (AGAIN, after being married for less than 3 months) this morning, but Mandisa was voted off American Idol tonight!! (Seriously, I almost fell off the treadmill. BUCKY outlasting MANDISA?? That boy must have shamrocks for testicles, because he's one lucky bastard.)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Forgive me, Lord...

...for I have sinned.

I actually bought BRITNEY SPEARS skates.

In my defense:

a) they look pretty sharp (see photo for exhibit A)
b) they're way cheaper than other "quads"
c) they're Skechers, so at least they're SOMEWHAT cool and, most importantly,
d) I'm going through a breakup and am NOT THINKING CLEARLY, dammit.

And, like the ad says, "Catch their eyes while cruising around in Britney Spears' signature roller skate, exclusively by Skechers! ...Like Britney, these Skechers' skates are hot, stylish, and fun!"

HA. So don't be hatin' while I'm crusing around with my hot, stylish and fun ass.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Son of a...

As some of you have already heard, Tyson sucks.

Just when I thought things were going pretty darn well, I get an email informing me that, in fact, they were not. He said....oh, let me see how he put it...."I'm a big f*cker with my head up my ass."

Oh, wait, no, those were MY words.

What he ACTUALLY said was that he was feeling "that things are unbalanced and that we're on different pages", that he's "not moving forward in this relationship like [I] seem to be" and that "at this point right now [he's] not feeling that things are moving in a good direction." Those are the high points.

Again, I thought that things were going well; we have fun together, we have a good friendship, we have GREAT chemistry and we're very comfortable together. Or maybe not.

He said he was going to call me tonight to talk about it, but that was before I sent HIM an email saying that it seemed like he'd already said everything there was to say. It's already 8 pm and I haven't heard from him, so we'll see.

Seriously, I give up.

Sunday, April 02, 2006


I went skating last night (with my mom. On a Saturday night. Shut up) and I have to say, I'm really getting hooked on it again. I found a nice pair of skates on eBay for like $50 (that includes shipping)--now mind you, I'm not talking about roller blades/ inline skating, I'm talking about the old-school quad skates ("quad skates" is the cool term for "skates with four wheels"). I'm really excited about it and I want to get really good at skating: my ultimate goal is to be able to be like the Cool Kids who can skate by crossing one foot in front of the other.

I know some of you are probably laughing at me right now, and I'm going to give you a chance to sound off. I'm going to let you vote--take bets, if you will--on how this whole skating thing is going to pan out. Here are your options; please cast your vote in the comments section.

How long is this skating thing going to last?

1) Please. Those skates will never make it out of the box.
2) It's all fun and games until someone breaks a bone (which, knowing her, will be within the first week).
3) Actually, considering the fact that she's been trying to get into shape for the last year, she might actually stick with this one.

Saturday, April 01, 2006


I've found a girl who's even clingier than me.

C., one of my after-school kids, has a crush on J. C. literally attaches herself to J. by wrapping her arms around his waist and not letting go. Have you ever tried to play basketball with your boys with a smitten girl hanging on you? J. has (and he's still pretty damn good, actually. I think the boy's got a future in the NBA).