Thursday, July 24, 2008

Shit. Shit. Double shit.

So, um, apparently LCB has found my blog. (THAT was an interesting phone convo.) He likes that he has a special nickname but wishes it was something like "Mr. Big." I told him not to flatter himself.

Oh yeah. And we had lunch today. And you know what? It was really, really great. It was my FRIEND Shawn, not the LCB Shawn. The Shawn who can STILL make me laugh more than any other guy I've ever dated. Did it make me sad to see him? Maybe a little, perhaps. But only because I realized how much I've missed him being in my life the last couple of weeks.

I KNOW that you guys don't understand why I stay friends with exes--and probably especially in THIS case. In fact, in my "I miss Shawn" post, I said that it sucked that the way we ended overshadowed all the good. And maybe it will always be that way, whether I like it or not. Maybe our friendship will never be quite the way it was--I mean, I DID take a pretty hard emotional punch to the gut and a bitch-slap to the face (and then a kick to head)--figuratively, of course. And with everything that went down--yeah, of course, I see him differently. But the way I look at it is--he can't cheat on our friendship, ya know? (LOL, does that make sense?) He never once let me down as a friend, and he proved that again today.

(And yes, this truly is platonic. He's still dating that girl from work. Do I still care about him? Well, DUH. When you feel that way about someone, it doesn't just go away after 2 weeks. But in all honesty, being with him today was kind of the best of both worlds--I had my friend Shawn back, but without all of the stress and beating-my-head-against-the-wall of a "relationship.")

Shit, I haven't figured it all out yet, either. But maybe I can do that while we're mini-golfing next week. ;)


Renee said...

*sigh*. Just be careful.

Jen said...

I thought about this more while I was out walking just now (what? doesn't EVERYONE walk at 10:30 pm?)--for the 2nd time today, btw, PLUS karate.

Anyway. The cheating thing was shitty, yeah. And there's NO EXCUSE FOR IT. (ahem) But--quite honestly, he never felt the same things I was feeling. And I think that he stuck with it (and me) for so long because he DID care about me and we DID have so much fun together. And you know, maybe he wished he felt that way and was hoping it would come. I dont know. Now granted, in a perfect world, he would have broken up with me BEFORE the whole sleeping-with-someone-else thing (or NEVER GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER WITH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE). But I do think that he tried. and i meant what I said before--i DO feel happier and less stressed now that we're broken up. and it's really the best of both worlds if I can keep THAT but still have the laughter and friendship. i just have to make sure that i CAN keep other feelings out of it.

it was a really long walk. =-)

Anna said...

Ditto Renee's comment.

Whatever makes you happy

Jen said...


Anna's "whatever makes you happy" and/or "i hope that works out for you" generally mean "dude, you're a dumbass"


Anonymous said...

I TOLD you he would find it.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, what Renee said.

sparkydiva said...

whenever you're ready for ME to bitch-slap YOU back into the REAL world, let me know. i'll be happy to do it.

here's the precursor - lying cheating bastard isn't worth the sweat you've been working up in the dojo trying to GET OVER HIM!! be continued

Jen said...

Brandi--but how do you REALLY feel? Heh

Anna said...

lol Jen! Yeah, that's what whatever makes you happy means but I think it's nicer how I say it ;)