Friday, July 18, 2008

Quite possibly, the biggest 'tard moment of my life. No, seriously.

Just moments ago, I finished loading the dishwasher and was rinsing out the sink with that spray-hose thingie. As I replacing it back into its holder, my finger accidentally hit the nozzle and I blasted myself in the face.

Now this, by itself, wouldn't be that bad. It's happened to everyone, right? (Maybe not, but that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.) HERE is what made it so bad:

I then continued to spray myself in the face for a solid 10 seconds.

I don't know if it was the shock of the cold water virtually bitch-slapping me in the face or what, but I froze. My brain shut down. For normal people, the ensuing thought process would go something like this: "Cold water. In face. Me no likey. TAKE FINGER OFF TRIGGER." For me, though: it was like my brain went incommunicado with my limbs. No such message was sent. In fact, no message was relayed whatsoever.

Which is why I just stood there and blasted myself in the face, choking and sputtering like someone had just thrown me overboard, for 10 seconds.

FINALLY, my brain wired the following message to my hand: "Hey, dumbass. TAKE FINGER OFF TRIGGER." And I did. By this time, my shirt was drenched, my hair was soaked, and I had a small flood on my kitchen floor.

And that's when I started laughing my ass off.

9 comments:

Nik said...

Okay, I've been laughing for the past 10 minutes, but I've calmed down enough to comment now. There's really not much to say, honestly, I can't stop laughing picturing this scene. Only you Jen. You crack my ass up. I gotta give you props for actually telling this story and willingly making yourself look like a douche in telling it.

sparkydiva said...

wanna hear something worse?

my husband asked me to get him a glass of water because he was thirsty. mind you - he HATES kennedale water. but, being newlyweds, i happily hopped up to get him a glass of water. the kid had put a rubber band on the sprayer handle thingie, so when i turned on the fawcet, i got drenched. and yeah, my brain shut off, too. i wonder if there's a connection. i wonder if that handle thingie is connected to our brains...

the kid and the hubby were conspiriing against me after we'd been married only a week. this can't be good, right??...

Jen said...

Hahahhahhha. That's funny, B. But at least you had a REASON--I mean, you were essentially framed.

I was just a douche all by myself. ;)

PS--Nik, I'm willing to bet money that you're the one who voted "They all irritate the shit out of me." ;)

Renee said...

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! I'm with Nik-- I'm dying laughing and I can't believe you're TELLING everyone about this :-) LOLOLOLOLOL.

I also just voted. They all irritate the crap out of me. Celeb gossip makes me want to stick a fork in my eye.

keesh said...

I started laughing at first because I have done that before, but I started laughing harder once you said you stood there with it on for 10 seconds. i have to agree, pretty big tard moment :). but your tard moments make us laugh so hard Jen :).

Jen said...

And that's the thing--this story was too damn funnny NOT to share, you know?

Anonymous said...

You loaded the dishwasher and rinsed out the sink????

Anonymous said...

You loaded the dishwasher and rinsed out the sink????

Anna said...

And this is when I started laughing MY ass off! OMG! LOLOL!!!!! I'm dying at work trying to stop laughing uncontrolably! I actually spit on myself reading and laughing.