Tuesday, July 28, 2009


So I got to go see Amanda (my daughter) yesterday. It was like most of our other visits--we met at the Muskegon mall and hung out, then went to dinner--except that this time, we brought Paige, Tyler and Savannah. Amanda told me that when Andrea first found out they were coming, she was pretty pissed, but you know what? AMANDA wanted to see them--these are her cousins--and that's the point of an open adoption...so she can know her birth family. The girl is 17 in January and she doesn't know her cousins OR her aunts. Anyway, once we got there, Andrea seemed fine with it. Good thing, too, because I purposely didn't tell them till we were on our way. ;)

The coolest part was seeing Amanda and Paige together. They'd only met once, it was like 6 years ago (Paige barely even remembered it) and neither one of them knew "the truth" yet. Now they both do, and it was so cute to watch them. They kept glancing at each other, clearly trying to look for similarities and scope each other out. Paige especially loved hanging out with Amanda, because Amanda is now a cool high school girl and Paige is a soon-to-be junior high girl. And Amanda just LOVED Paige. For a while, it was just Amanda, Paige and I walking around the mall, going into random stores, etc. I inducted Paige into the Religion of Bath and Body Works, and I bought her her first lip gloss there. It was the first time I've hung out with Paige not as a kid, but as--as corny as this sounds--a young woman. We had a blast. Interesting side note: considering that, DNA-wise, Paige and Amanda are virtually the same person (their mothers are sisters and their fathers are brothers), they really bear NO resemblance to each other--but we discovered that they have a birthmark in the same exact spot on their right arms.

For dinner, we went to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Katey's kids, the sheltered children that they are, had never been to one, and they were just blown away by the notion that you could eat pizza AND nachos AND mac and cheese AND pa-sketti--and keep going back for more!! And when we set them lose on the dessert bar? I think Savannah almost passed out from sheer giddiness. And Tyler, who normally eats like a bird, packed away more than he's ever eaten in his life. Normally, I'd say no to 2 bowls of ice cream AND a piece of cake AND a cupcake--but hell, we had to get our money's worth, right? ;) (Katey was thrilled when we finally got home around 10 and the two youngest ones were bouncing off the walls, LOL....but that's what aunts are for, especially aunts who only come home twice a year.)

We took lots of pics, so I'll probably email those out later. If anyone (like Fred, although I'm pretty sure he doesn't even read my blog anymore, AHEM) would like to see them who isn't normally on my email list, just shoot me an email.

Amanda's a really great girl, and I pray that the rest of her birth family gets the chance to know her soon. Amanda said that Andrea is thinking about letting her come to see us on her own in the somewhat near future--and that, of course, is when she would make her debut. I've been waiting over 16 years; another year or so will be a piece of cake.

Monday, July 20, 2009

A few early pics

Nee and Jen, BFFs since 1983

Kish and Nee, BFFs since 2005. ;)

E! Hollywood Story: When Bipolars Drink. No, just kidding. I was totally fine...not sure what was up with the crazy eyes.

Renee performs that ever-popular bar trick, Balancing a Lime Slice on Your Hand. (This was, of course, immediately followed by a shot of tequila.)

Here, the new mom gets her WELL DESERVED drink on.

I have 2 comments here. #1: Anna, we look ADORABLE! #2: NICE CAMERA WORK, KISH!! We're to the LEFT!!

And, in closing: the only pic of me in which I am neither drinking nor making an alcoholic treat. Go me!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Fly on the wall

Fred mentioned that he'd love to be a "fly on the wall" during our girls' weekends. Well, now you ALL can be, with this posting of our traditional Quote List. Some of the following statements just sound dirty when taken out of context, some of them ARE dirty and some of them are just amusing/entertaining (at least to us, at the time, after consuming copious amounts of alcohol). I realize that a few of these may be the "you had to be there" type of funny, but I'm sure that there's at least one or two on here that ANYONE can appreciate.

So hoist your drink in the air and let's toast to the revelry that was the 5th Annual Girls' Weekend.

(Key: J is Jen, A is Anna, R is Renee and K is Kishelle...duh.)

"OMG, that is FULL of sins!" -K

"I look CUTE!" -J. ...and K's response: "If you say so."

"Jen's lain with a LOT of men on the beach." -R

"Not five! FIFTEEN!" -K

"Sorry, watchin' the dick." -K

"I'm the one who's gonna get blamed in THIS foursome." -Random guy from Meijer

"Tell him to call 1-800-stop-f*cking-with-Jen's-head-or-I'll-kick-your-f*cking-ass." -K. And my response: "That's more than 7 numbers."

"The eye of the frickin' tiger!!" -K

"I'm very animalistic, okay?" -R

"Oh, honey--drag queens are prettier than you." -A

"I've got a triangle hot box." -R

"But if he grows his hair out a little bit? TOTALLY Jesus!" -J

"God created the monkeys that created us." -J

"She did a 380...wait what is it? A 360?" -K. (Note: she was talking about someone who made a total and drastic change and was therefore talking about a 180.)

"I can't believe I almost carjacked that girl!" -J

"And to think I slept with that tiny little white boy!" (the speaker of this qoute shall be kept anonymous, but it was one of the married ladies)

"Okay, so my NEXT question is..." -R. (Note: this is funny because there was no previous question. This was spoken completely out of nowhere and WAS her first question.)

Note: the following were between the hours of midnight and 2 am...but as you're about to see, you probably could have figured that out yourselves. (You'll also notice that the ratio of "J" quotes significantly increases, LOL.)

"I've never wanted to be an island so badly in my life." -A

"It looks like my neck exploded and vomited...ASS." -J

"I'm like a streak of awesome." -J

"That one made my nipples hard." -J. And K's response: "If I had nipples like yours, I'd want them hard all the time, too."

"Suck it like you're getting paid!" -J

"My head didn't move but all of a sudden, I had craziness occuring near my ass!" -J

"Jen talks with her elbows!" -A

"What's ON me?! ...Pie!" -R

"Something's happening in your middle area, and it weighs a LOT." -J

"Is this my STD?" -J

"Look at the drunk sista with the big words!" -R

"It's hard to believe I'm 32 and not married, 'cuz I'm just a pile of sex!" -J

"My eyes feel drunk, but the rest of me doesn't." -R

But wait--there's more! Pics will follow....

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Cheesecake martinis are good, especially at 11:00 am.

Will post full report on Sunday night. Until then, if you need us, we'll be HERE...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Flight had worst turbulance ever. Lots of jerks & sudden drops. i finally threw up my arms coaster-style and said "whooo!" Ppl laughed; attndants not so much

Monday, July 13, 2009

Oops, I did it again

Okay, so NO BIG DEAL AT ALL, MOM, but I might be back in a sling again (and by "might," I mean, "I am"). LOL. My crazy doc put me back on lithium, which can fuck with your balance....yadda yadda yadda, I fell on my right arm over the weekend. I finally went in to the doctor today, and I have a SLIGHT, VERY SLIGHT, MOTHER, fracture to my right elbow, and the only reason he's worried is because it's the one I broke a year ago. He gave me the sling just to MAKE SURE it doesn't get any worse, but as you may remember from last year, I barely wore the damn thing even when my elbow was outright broken, so I can't imagine I'll be wearing it very much now. ;) However, as of tonight (Monday), it does hurt like a bitch, so I'll wear it the next couple of days, and I'm SURE I'll be fine--like I said, he wouldn't even have worried about it that much if I didn't have a "history" with this elbow, and he said that because I broke it I'll always be more "susceptible" (ooh, big word) to injury in this area, and he did say to expect some "discomfort" when I fly home on Wednesday (because one thing I did notice, even after I had healed this winter, was that the altitude hurt my elbow like a mofo), and he ALSO picked up on the "arthritis" in my elbow (thanks, bitch, cuz I need ANOTHER reminder of how old I am)....this is a really long sentence, LOL. Anyway, I'm fine. I just have a sling again for when I need it over the next couple of weeks.


Mother fucker, I'm going to need one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" things pretty soon.


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Color me blind

When Mis and the boys were here, we realized that I was unable to differentiate yellow from orange (I swore upside down that a Ford Mustang was yellow; Missy, Donovan, Anthony, and 2 innocent bystanders that I accosted in the Coldstone parking lot all told me it was orange).

At the wedding last night, it happened again. A new friend and I were cattily watching a particular girl grinding out on the dance floor.

"...unlike that hooker in the green dress," New Friend commented.

"No kidding," I agreed. And then: "--wait. Green?"

New Friend looked at me oddly. "Yeah...."

"Her dress is green?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Might one call it...blue?"

New Friend looked back out at the dance floor. "No, it's definitely green." **

"With blue undertones?" I asked hopefully.

The fact that this happened twice in the last couple of weeks kind of threw me off. Is this something new? Or have I always been like this and it's just now becoming more obvous; perhaps it's worsening? I've always been virtually unable to discern navy from black but hell, who doesn't? This extension to yellow/orange and green/blue is new to me. Can one GO color blind or are they always that way? (FYI: color blindness, unlike what many people may think or assume, does NOT mean that those affected only see black, white and gray. They can often see color, but the hue--or "degree" of color--may be skewed.)

At any rate, it's not a huge deal. I can see colors and, in general, can tell yellow from orange or
green from blue (at least I think so, LOL). It's just odd that it's becoming more frequent.

** I surveyed many other wedding guests last night, and they all immediately said "Green." So it wasn't a matter of the dress being a blue-green "in-between" color; we're not talking a po-tay-to /po-tawt-to situation here.

PS--I've done some research, and it's much more rare for a woman to be colorblind than a man. "For a woman to be color deficient, her father must be colorblind and her mother colorblind or be a carrier." And I'm pretty sure my dad isn't colorblind. So...my eyes just suck, I guess. Probably because I'm getting so damn old.
Just wed

I went to a wedding last night. It was pretty much my ideal dream wedding.

To begin with, it was on the beach. The bride came down a huge staircase (to that newer version of "Somewhere over the rainbow"--you've heard it in a million commercials), walked down a boardwalk-type bridge and then came out onto the beach. She got to wear a beautiful wedding dress BUT didn't have to worry about girly, uncomfortable shoes. It's the best of both worlds--Holla!

Her groom met her here.

It was a small (60ish people), informal, relaxed wedding.

I loved it.

Congrats, Kelly and Rich!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Are you my (baby) daddy?

I had the weirdest dream last night, one that I HAD to share with you all. I found out I was pregnant--and that it was twins. And that part was SO real, the pregnancy part. I remember flipping out when the nurse first told me ("I can't even take care of myself, I'm not ready to be a mother!"), I remember telling my family, I remember telling my friends ("Hey, Gang Bang is knocked up! What a surprise!" LOL--actually, that part may very well happen someday, ha ha), I even remember interviewing for the right doctor (my decision was based on who made the best pizza--which, of course, is how ALL dedicated, protective, nurturing moms-to-be choose the person who will deliver their precious children).

When she told me I was pregnant, though, the nurse also informed me that the babies were part Irish. (How she picked up on their ethnicity from a SONOGRAM is beyond me, but go with it--it's a dream, bitches, not CSI.) When I stated that I wasn't Irish, she looked at me as if I was a dullard and stated the obvious: "Well...then their father must be, right?" And that's when it hit me--I didn't KNOW who the dad was. I actually hadn't even thought of him up until that point.

So I began the search for their father. And no, this wasn't a Maury Povich, "who my baby daddy because I've slept with seven men in the last 24 hours so it could be anybody" type of search, either. It was--it's hard to explain--more of a "looking into the future, who will the father of my children be" kind of search. Men would come into the picture and I'd look at them and say "No, it's not you" and then they'd just kind of fade away and I continued on my journey until the next man would appear. (I *thought* I'd found him at one point, but then at the last minute I asked, "Wait, are you Irish?", he shook his head no, I said "Son of a BITCH!" and continued my search. Even in my dreams, I have the mouth of a trucker.)

Finally, right before I woke up, I found him. He stood in front of me and I looked up at him and said "It's you!" He said yes and reached down to take my hand. ('Cuz I, for some reason, was sitting on a step...probably exhausted from my search--or else full from all the pizza, LOL.)

And then I woke up, incredibly pissed off because I never got a look at his face. But at least I found him.

(I'm glad that my biological clock isn't ticking much, or anything.)

Tuesday, July 07, 2009


I don't care what you thought or how you felt about Michael Jackson, this moment at the end of his memorial service should have been like a kick to the stomach.

We only saw and knew a very, very small part of Michael, but we have to remember that there are 3 children who are going through an emotional nighmare right now. Losing a parent is heartbreaking at any age, but to have it happen so young--and under this kind of media attention--is unfathomable. I don't know what's to become of these three children, but I predict we'll see a lot more of them. Much as William and Harry carried on their mother's legacy, I think Michael ingrained something into his kids that they will carry with them, and share, for the rest of their lives.

So to those 3 children, especially this brave little girl who stood in front of a worldwide audience of who knows how many million, to share her love for her father: you have many thoughts and prayers with you. And know that you made, and will continue to make, your father very proud.

(Yeah, I know, I don't usually get so serious and sappy on here. But this moment truly touched me, and I wanted to talk about it.)

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy 4th!

I've actually had a great start to the day. I got to be IN a parade today, out on the "rich island", otherwise known as Sanibel. My friend's husband is the GM at Sanibel's Lazy Flamingo, and every year they have a "float" (although I use the term loosely, LOL) in the parade. Ron buys TONS of swag like frisbees, footballs, baseballs, etc, as well as a couple hundred dollars worth of candy. My job was to look pretty and toss all the Flamingo stuff out into the crowds.

The funniest part, though, is that over the years, Ron has build quite the reputation for himself as the Water Gun Guy. He started by taking a few of the little water guns and squirting the crowd as he rolled by. Well, it's gotten bigger and bigger (as have his guns), and this year he was fully equipped with a huge tank of water, hoses, Super Soakers, etc. It's hysterical, because the crowd is ready for HIM, too--he was getting ambushed by the spectators every couple yards or so (some of them even had water balloons). Apparently, it's become something of a Sanibel tradition. People look for the Lazy Flamingo float because of the water fights and also because they give away the most (and best) free stuff. Needless to say, by the end of the parade, all of us innocent bystanders on the float were drenched too, but it was a lot of fun. I've already promised my services for next year.

Tonight, I'm hanging out with a friend. Liz, the friend I was with today, invited us to go along with her family to the Sanibel Causeway (which is truly beautiful, by the way--overlooking the Gulf) for the fireworks, so we'll see how things shake out. For now, though, I'm taking a nap (I was up at 6 am!).

Have a safe and happy 4th of July, everyone!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Disney recap

It will be impossible, of course, to recount the entire day without writing the longest post ever. Suffice it to say that even with the rain, the boys had the time of their lives. Here are some highlights.

1) We arrived about 10 am. The rain began while we were on the ferry to the Magic Kingdom and continued for most of the day. At times it was just a light drizzle; at others, it actually rained pretty hard. Luckily, some of the lines were indoors (in fact, we got in line for one roller coaster, a kiddie one, simply because it WAS inside. A. really liked it, though). Still, the rain helped with both the temperature (which was pleasant all day) and the lines.

2) When we walked through Main Street and got our first glimpse of the castle, I think I got just as excited as Donovan and Anthony.

3) We hit all of the major attractions other than It's a Small World, since we were souvineer shopping instead. That's okay, though. Yeah, it's a Disney classic, but I was there with BOYS, after all--boys who are almost 9 and 13.

4) We lucked out on the lines for 2 of the major rides, Splash Mountain and Thunder Mountain Railroad. The first time we walked by TMR, it had just closed due to technical difficulties (not the rain). When we checked back later, it had literally JUST opened up; in fact, we were one of the first people in line. We had NO wait! Then, we Fast Passed Splash Mountain--twice. (That's when they tell you what time to come back and you get to enter the ride through a separate line and bypass everyone else. Man, it was exhilarating to walk by allllll those people.)

5) Space Mountain was closed--till WINTER. So that really sucked.

6) The parade was cancelled due to the rain; however, we were close enough to the start of the parade route that still got to see them all walk by on their way back to--wherever they go. So we lucked out there, too.

7) A & D both got to meet Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Minnie, and many more that I'm sure I'm forgetting. We waited in line for about 45 minutes for Mickey (this was the highlight of A's day at the park--it was the #1 thing he'd wanted to do). We got some great pictures.

8) We stayed long enough to see dusk start to fall and the castle start to change colors (see previous pic). The color changed every 5 minutes or so. It was beautiful. We couldn't stay for the fireworks, though, because they started at 10 and that's when the last shuttle back to the hotel was leaving. HOWEVER,

9) As we were on the monorail back to Epcot (where the shuttle was actually picking us up), THOSE fireworks kicked off. The monorail driver actually stopped it mid-track so we could see the show. We TRULY had the best seats in the house; we were RIGHT in front of them. It was so cool; a great end to the day.

10) Missy and I both loved, loved, loved Pirates of the Caribbean (a "pirate-themed boat ride" that landed us in the middle of a pirate battle, but trust me, that description totally doesn't do it justice). It was, as dorky as this sounds, magical and enthralling. I couldn't take it all in fast enough. And the wait was only like 30 minutes. The boys' favorite ride was Splash Mountain (a close second for Missy and me). The second time we were on it, everyone, including A, kept our hands up for the entire plunge. It was awesome (the fall was like 5 stories! I looked it up).

Those, as I said, are just the highlights. There was so much more to our day, but it was SO good. It was a day that those boys really deserved.
Dreams really do come true!!

I don't know if the magic of the Magic Kingdom is rubbing off on my regular life or what, but I just checked my mail from the last few days--and something truly momentous has finally happened. I've dreamed of this day for as long as I can remember, and although at time my faith has wavered, I've never given up hope. Today, that faith has paid off.

I have FINALLY been selected to be a Neilsen "family."

You know the TV ratings you are always hearing about? Well, those are calculated by surverying a sampling of the American public, finding out what they're watching at any given time. And now, *I* get to be one of those people! I have to keep a TV diary (I'm not sure for how long yet; I've been too excited to actually sit down and read all the info, LOL) of everything that I watch and for how long. (It makes me wish I had Cinemax, so I could enter in a whole lot of late-night porn.) AND they sent me $4! I guess they want to know what single spinster teachers in their early 30s are watching these days.

So...yeah. Seriously, I've wanted to do this for years. I'm so excited.

I just dropped Missy and the boys off at the airport. This place is so quiet that it's actually loud, if that makes any sense. I've really, really enjoyed having them around. It was really nice to be able to spend that much time with Donovan and Anthony. Usually when I go home, I'll spend a few hours over at their house, but we've never been together for a week like this before. I had a blast with them. They really are truly great kids--very funny, very sharp, very smart, very sweet and loving. I'm lucky to have nephews like them. Oh, and Missy isn't bad either. ;)

I'll post a full recap of our Disney adventures later, but for now, I'm going back to bed. I just jumped online to post about the Neilsen thing, because I am THAT excited about it. It's truly a pretty noteworthy event. ;) In the meantime, though, I leave you with these camera phone shots that capture the beauty of the Magic Kingdom and Epcot at night. (I have the MK pic as the wallpaper for my phone and it looks amazing--like the kind of picture you would pay to download. The Epcot one is blurrier but you can still get the general idea.)