Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Updated with new pics
The **63** pictures we took at Blogapalooza 2006 are now in. The ones I've posted here are just round one and are mostly of me; not because I'm egotistical (shut up) but because I haven't gotten permission from the other girls to put their pictures out in cyberland yet. I'll be posting more (hopefully) in the next few days...so keep checking back.
On a technical note, these are really blurry; I'm not sure if it's my computer or if they're just that way because we were under the influence and operating a new camera. However, some of the blurriness is due to me trying to enlarge the size of the pics; when I save them off of the photo album, Renee, a lot of them are really small (thumbnail size), and when I try to enlarge them they get really blurry and distorted. Can you see if you can resize them (the originals) and send them as attachments? I'm not going to make you do that to all 63, don't worry. I just wonder if it can be done for a couple of the other ones I'd like to post once I get the okay.
The Pony: Learn It, Live It, Love It
The obligatory pre-drinking alcohol shot
My "poker face" (or, "I'm buzzed yet trying to concentrate")
I just like how my hair looks in this one
Me and my mirror image (we were so in sync all weekend; we even bought the same purse AND sunglasses).
Let's play poker, bitches!
Best friends since, oh, 1983 or so
Our lovely, if somewhat competitive, hostess
"I'm gonna WEEEEEEEEN!"
On the way home: I look like ass but damn, I
love my new shades! (Thanks, Kish!)
Sunday, June 25, 2006
As a side note, when I got home I found the ENTIRE family (all 4 of my sisters and all 9 nieces and nephews, plus a boyfriend who just won't go away) here for a late Father's Day celebration. The highlight was definitely the impromptu baseball game that developed with some of the kids, us aunts, and Mom (sort of) and Steve. I don't know if you've ever played in a game with a 3 year old batter and a 2 year old pitcher, but if not, you're missing out. (The game was made more difficult by the fact that Tyler, the 3 year old, kept picking up the "bases" and taking them with him when he ran.)
Now, I don't want to say that my family's competitive, but at one point I actually heard Nik yell to Mom, "Throw the ball to me and we'll force Tyler out at home!"
I have to wait for Renee to send me the pictures (we won't be able to post them all because there are so many and, well, some are just dirty), but for now, here's a recap of the weekend. I'm sure Anna, Renee and Kish will all have their all viewpoints to add as well, though.
We left West Michigan around 9:30 on Saturday morning. The drive across the state was relatively uneventful until we reached the outskirts of metro Detroit and hit (what else) construction traffic. As par for the course in the land of asshole drivers, some drivers ignored the "lane closed ahead" signs and, rather than merging with the rest of us into one lane, continued to cruise down the now-empty lanes, effectively "cutting" ahead of us in line rather than waiting like everyone else. Renee alternatively shouted obscenities out of her driver's side window and propped her elbow up on the windowsill, giving the finger to every jackass that flew by. After traveling 2 miles in an hour, we finally snaked our way through the construction zone and were at Anna's house within half an hour.
The drinking commenced around 2 with the strawberry champagne that Anna had bought ahead of time. After the bottle was gone (at about 2:20), we decided to go shopping (a Blog Party Weekend staple). Now, due to my upcoming move, I am on a strict budget; I have to save every dime I can (which means no more cigarettes, but more on that in a later post), so I couldn't partake in the shopping activities the way I wanted to (both Victoria's Secret AND Bath and Body Works were having their semi-annual sales, so this fact caused me physical pain). Still, we had fun at the mall and I was able to make a very small, very frugal purchase that was SUCH a good deal, it would have been financially irresponsible NOT to buy it.
After the shopping and the massage chairs (OH. MY. GOD.), we went to the Pony Express for cheap dinner and drinks. The Pony is my FAVORITE Detroit-area dive bar; mixed drnks are like $2.40, the food is really good and the waitresses are virtually naked (that's not one of the reasons that *I* like it so much, but it's definitely worth noting). Kishelle almost got in a bar fight with an old drunk guy over an umbrella, but that's neither here nor there.
Next up: chick flicks and more drinking, of course! We rented Steel Magnolias, which Renee had never seen (quick shout-out to Mammoth Video Man, the best superhero ever), stopped by the liquor store (I think the clerk wanted to come home with us, after we went in there looking for "something for shots; we don't really care what") and returned to Anna's for the duration of the evening. After crying and sniffling our way through The Best Chick Flick Ever, we made our way into the kitchen for games and more--you guessed it--drinking. The games were Scattergories--which, by the way, is ESPECIALLY hard to play when you're a bit under the influence--and something called Tripoli, which is so impossible to explain that it shall hereafter be referred to as "cards." (This is where we took the majority of the weekend's pictures, so that gives you something to look forward to.)
In hindsight, we consumed quite the variety of alcohol this weekend, everything from the strawberry champaige to appletinis to chocolate martinis (or cosmos or some shit) to fuzzy navels to Liquid Panty Removers (which is what I'm now calling those drinks we made in the blender for our Steel Magnolias drinking game; next time, ladies, I don't think we need to dump in the ENTIRE bottle of vodka). We started doing shots of grape Pucker around 12:30, I believe it was.
We got up around 9 the next morning (well, that's when *I* got up, and we all know that nothing good happened till then anyway), made breakfast and resumed our game of "cards." The three of us left Anna's around 1:30 or 2 and got back to Holland around 5. As I mentioned in the comments section of the previous post, the cops got briefly involved around 5:20 or so, but everything got sorted out and Renee did NOT, in fact, have to post bail.
All in all, it was a great weekend. Thanks to Anna for being such a great hostess, and thanks to Renee for taking the most flattering picture EVER of my boobs. Oh--and thanks to Kishelle for the brilliant addition of those yummy-flavored stogies (yeah, the cigars came out around 10 or so. Good times).
Saturday, June 24, 2006
What could POSSIBLY get me up at the crack of dawn (i.e., 7:45) on a Saturday morning? BLOG PARTY '06!!!! In a little over an hour, Kishelle, Renee and I will be heading across the state to the home of Anna, our lovely hostess for this year's soiree, where a weekend of drinking, debauchery, and good old-fashioned female-bonding will commence.
We'll post a recap when we get home. Have a good weekend, everyone!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
After a week and a half of planning to move to Ft. Myers, I was officially offered the job tonight (6th/7th grade language arts and reading). I unofficially accepted; she's faxing the job offer letter, insurance information, etc for me to review tomorrow.
I'd be moving the first weekend of August (I was able to push them back a little).
So...I guess that's basically that.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
They found the bodies of those two US soldiers who were recently missing in Iraq. Unforunately, they weren't just killed, they were tortured. Quite severely, it appears. Reading this article (I'm including an excerpt below), it makes me sick--physically ill to my stomach--to think of what these young men (23 and 25; of them, I believe, had an 18 year old wife) must have gone through. I can't even imagine the horror of their final hours and minutes. I just hope that God was with them, and that they're with Him now (but frankly, I can't imagine how even God could have comforted them in the midst of something like that).
I DREAD the details of this that will undoubtedly come out in the next few days and weeks.
Maj. Gen. William B. Caldwell IV, the American military spokesman, said "the remains" of what are believed to be the two Americans were found near a power plant in the vicinity of Yusefiya, about three miles from the site were they had been captured by insurgents.
General Caldwell declined to speak in detail about the physical condition of those who had been found, but said that the cause of death could not be determined. He said the remains of the men would be sent to the United States for DNA testing to determine definitively their identities. That seemed to suggest that the two Americans had been wounded or mutilated beyond recognition.
"We couldn't identify them," the American military official in Baghdad said.
Maj. Gen. Abdul Azziz Mohammed Jassim, the chief of operations of the Ministry of Defense, said that he had seen an official report and that he could confirm the two Americans had been "killed in a very brutal way and tortured."
"There were traces of torture on their bodies, very clear traces," General Jassim said. "It was a brutal torture. The torture was something unnatural."
Monday, June 19, 2006
This Florida thing is looking more and more like a go. I got a call from the principal this morning; she said she checked out my references and they were all positive, especially one from the wonderful Mrs. R., and that they were "very interested" in me. She (the principal) was going to call tonight or tomorrow to talk to me in more detail.
As I said in a recent email, I'm adjusting to the idea of moving to a new place, starting over wthout knowing anyone, etc. For me, right now, the biggest obstacle is the financial/logistical aspect of the move. I have to have first month rent, deposit plus the cost of moving. The estimated quote for a uHaul truck was $1100, so I don't think that's going to work. Towing a uHaul trailer behind my car would only be about $150, but I'd have to have a hitch installed on my car and I don't know yet how much that's going to be. I wouldn't think more than a couple hundred, but what do I know. Option C is renting some kind of cargo van (where the hell do you go to rent a cargo van? Avis and Hertz only have SUVs) or an SUV, bringing whatever I can fit into it and then getting the rest when I get down there. (Initially, I'll just be staying with someone I find via roommates.com, so I'll be moving into a furnished home/condo/apartment and will only have to worry about a bed right away; the rest I can find through classifieds once I'm there. At some point, once I'm settled into my job and the area, I can start looking for my own place, unless I really click with the person I live with and we both want the arrangement to continue for a while.)
So that's the latest, bearing in mind that I haven't been officially OFFERED the job yet (but that seems to be a very imminent and real possibility).
Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions?
Friday, June 16, 2006
Back from my trip to Detroit. I had a close call at first, though. For a while there, I panicked when it appeared that I had lost something very crucial--namely, my infamous lead foot. I got on the freeway heading out of town and realized that, after months of driving in Dutchville, I was no longer able to haul ass the way I used to. I'd get up to 75 and suddenly, both hands would be at the 10 and 2, I'd be clenching the wheel and I'd think, "Damn, I better slow down." Luckily, I rediscovered my lead foot (and my balls) right around Ionia.
(No, Mother, I wasn't SPEEDING. I was "keeping up with the flow of traffic." Driving too slowly, especially in Detroit, is more dangerous than driving too fast-ly.)
The trip, although tiring, was definitely well worth it. Damn, it was great to see the looks on those kids' faces when I walked in. (And I got to do it again in 2 other classrooms, as I visited the 6th grade "team" of teachers.) I've really missed those kids. Mrs. R bought me lunch, but I reciprocated by helping her pack up her classroom. Then, I headed over to see Jeff--
Side note: did anyone else besides me NOT realize that the "J" who has been occasionally posting on my blog, such as in the American Idol post, is JEFF? And Jeff, that is NOT you in that pic.
--before I left town. This was the first time we've seen each other since I left back in November. We only hung out for an hour or so--I had to get back on the road--but I think it's safe to say that he is clearly still in love with me. ;) However, this little detour meant that I left the metro area DURING RUSH HOUR. ON A FRDAY.
Needless to say, my trip home took a bit longer than my trip there.
But I made it safe and sound and now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going back to sleep. I'm freakin' tired.
Me with the best teacher EVER. Seriously, if I beome even half as good as her someday, I'll consider myself very lucky.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Katey had her baby today. She was induced this morning around 8 and he (yes, it's a boy) came FAST--within a few hours. She barely had to push; she said he "slid right out"--surprise, surprise (snicker).
His name is Blake Nicholas; he was only a little over 6 and a half pounds (or something like that) and 18 inches long (I think). He was born around 11 this morning. (Hey, after this many babies in one family, you just start estimating.) He's pretty cute; here are a couple of pictures. (I'll be emailing the other ones.) Katey feels just fine; she said she's not even sore (I'm laughing again, very bitchily). Mom and baby will be coming home sometime on Friday morning/early afternoon.
Paige looks so grown up here, doesn't she?
Aunt Spinster and Blake
I'll be shooting into Detroit for a few hours tomorrow; it's my kids' last day of school (the ones I student taught with) and, as I may be gone before their next school year starts, I really want to go to see them again and say goodbye. It's only half a day, so I'm leaving at like 5:30 in the morning (I know. Shut up); Anna, I'll probably be on my way back before you even get out of work, but I know you won't be too heartbroken because I'll see you next weekend for BLOG PARTY '06, BABY!!!!!!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Steve was channel-surfing tonight when he came across a round-table discussion on the Spanish-speaking station (Telemundo or whatever it's called)....although how anyone was able to focus on the CONVERSATION, I don't know.
And on an unrelated note, BMG accidentally sent me two Marvin Gaye Gold's instead of one (it's a 2-CD set of his greatest hits). Including shipping, it was only like $8. Does anyone want it? If not, I'll have to send it back (and pay shipping AGAIN).
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
The principal called tonight; we talked for about half an hour. The majority of the conversation focused on the logistics of something like this--was I serious about relocating, what I would have to do to obtain my temporary Florida certification, etc. She's going to have another call me tomorrow--he actually moved there from G.R., believe it or not. She didn't really ask me a lot of questions--at least, not yet. She has to hire *20* teachers, though, and she sounds pretty interested in me so far. She also asked me which grade I'd like to teach (right now, she just has elementary teaching positions left, instead of the middle school level but that could change; also, at least I'd get my foot in the door and who knows what might open up for the following school year).
I'm emailing her my references and then she said she'd call back and "we'd have a conversation." I don't know if she means that that's when she'd actually do the interview part of if that's when she'd offer me the job (because really, wouldn't you interview someone BEFORE you checked references?). I have to tell you, though--if this happens, it's going to happen FAST. Their first day of school is July 31 or something like that.
My stomach is in knots and I feel slightly ill. I WANT to do this, but I'm scared shitless. Still, maybe this is meant to happen. First of all, for those who knew me back then, I came within WEEKS of moving to Florida for college. So maybe it's inevitable that I end up there. Secondly....due to the Typo of '06, Florida may BE the only state who will hire me now, since I may have put myself on the persona non grata list at the majority of schools in West Michigan (and some in Detroit). Maybe it's a sign. Maybe the Powers That Be are telling me, quite clearly and in flashing neon lights, "GO TEACH IN FLORIDA. Michigan isn't where you should be right now." Or maybe I'm just making UP signs to try to make myself feel better.
Not to mention the LOGISTICS of moving. Damn. (Is there anyone who can take a few days off near the end of July to help me cart my shit down there?)
Let's not get TOO ahead of ourselves, though. I'll let you know what happens after she checks my references.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
I received an email today from a principal in Ft. Myers, Florida who wants to do a phone interview regarding several elementary teaching positions available for next year at her charter school. (I have my resume posted on teachinflorida.com.) The starting pay is quite comparable to that of teaching jobs in Michigan.
I still don't know if I'd actually have the cojones to pack up and move, but I'm certainly going to do the interview and see what happens.
And for the record, my cover letter is NOT posted on that site. ;)
Friday, June 09, 2006
I have just discovered that most of the cover letters I've been sending out have included the following line:
"After working in the advertising/ pubic relations field for several years, I decided to follow my dream of becoming a teacher."
Once you're done laughing hysterically and wiping the tears from your eyes, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL I DO NOW. Do I:
1) Send a revised cover letter/resume with no mention of my previous typo?
2) Send a revised cover letter/resume with a note stating something to the effect of, "After discovering a typo in my previous cover letter, I would like to resubmit my materials." OR
3) Pretty much write off the districts I've already applied to and just move on in the future with my new, typo-free letter?
And for the record, I've read this letter I don't know HOW many times, and so have a few other people, including my mom (because they always say to have outside people read your letter and resume, for this exact reason--to catch typos that your own eyes will miss, since your mind reads words the way they're SUPPOSED to be)--and no one has caught this MOST unfortunate mistake.
HOLY HELL. I am mortified. This is NOT GOOD.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I've been crushing on a particular dad ever since I started working at TT. His daughter is 3 and therefore not one of my students, but since I'm the closer every night, the late kids all "condense" into my room around 5--so I'm the one who has her when he picks her up around 6. We've had a mild flirtation going on, but he's just a flirt by nature--plus, he is HOT--so I really didn't think too much of it.
Last night, we had a TT night at a local restaurant--10% of the sales went to our center, so we were really pushing the families to go. I talked HD into going; they were going to stop by the park afterwards, but I (jokingly) told him, "Well I won't be able to get there till 7--so maybe you can go to the park FIRST and then we'll see each other at Culver's later." Lo and behold, he pulled up at almost exactly the same time I did, just before 7. Mom was with me, so I couldn't sit with him and his daughter, A.--I had to settle for stopping by their table a couple of times to socialize (as I did with ALL of the TT families, of course). ;)
Well TONIGHT, when he picked A. up, he mentioned that they were going to Crazy Bounce (for those of you not familiar with this magical place, it's a huge warehouse filled with giant moonwalks, GINORMOUS inflatable slides, etc). I said, "Oooh, Crazy Bounce, A.! I'm so jealous! I've been wanting to go there!" HD said, "Why don't you come with us, then?" I laughed it off at first, thinking he was joking around. "No, really!" he said. "Meet us over there!"
"I can't go without a kid," I told him. "Sure you can," he said. "You'll be with us."
I changed the subject because I was getting all flustered and nervous (HD has that effect on me), but HD stuck around for another 20 minutes or so, just chatting with me while his daughter finished playing. Finally he said, "Okay A., let's go to Crazy Bounce."
"Have fun, guys," I called as I wiped down the counter.
"Maybe we'll see you there," he said, smiling at me.
"Are you serious?" I asked. "You really want me to go?"
"Yeah!" he said. "I'll let them know at the front that we're waiting for you and that you're with us."
"All right," I said. "I'll be there."
I got there about half an hour later--I was done with work almost right away but I had to swing by Walmart to get a pair of socks (LOL, of COURSE the pair I was wearing today had a gigantic hole in them). He saw me come into the lobby area and came out to greet me. It was really cool, because we had the WHOLE PLACE to ourselves--seriously, no one else was there for the first hour or so, and only 2 other families came in during the entire two hours we were there. It was AWESOME. I had a blast and I thanked HD for "twisting my arm" and "making" me go. (And he thanked ME for coming, too.) When we walked back out to our cars, he said, "Hey, this is the second night in a row that we've hung out after you got off of work."
Still, I don't think this was a "date" or anything, and not just because his daughter was there (and man, did she think it was cool that Miss Jenny went to Crazy Bounce with her, LOL). I don't know...I mean, we were flirting and stuff, but I don't think he sees me romantically; I think it was just a friend thing. Plus, the TT grapevine says that he has a girlfriend. (He's divorced from A's mom.) And did I mention how HOT he is? WAY out of my league.
I'm not going to advertise the fact that I met them out there tonight--I don't know if there's any rules against teachers "fraternizing" with the parents--but I suspect that, being a 3-year-old, A. will announce to SOMEONE that "Miss Jenny was at Crazy Bounce with me and Daddy!" And at that point, the rumor mill will REALLY start, since I've been accused by the director two nights in a row now of flirting with HD. ("Hey," I defended myself last night. "It's all public relations and marketing. Gotta keep up a good rapport with the parents." She said I was full of shit.)
Monday, June 05, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Missy and I just discovered this store on Saturday afternoon and it is a poor shopper's paradise. EVERYTHING is $10 or under--jeans, tops, skirts, everything. It's a great, affordable way to transition your wardrobe to summer (and, in a couple of months, fall...and then winter....). And they have some really nice stuff, too. They actually have a lot of the same brands that Penney's carries, even. Now sure, for $10, I'm sure the quality isn't going to be quite as good--but for that price, I'm not going to object to a cute-ass pair of jeans with an uneven crotch seam or something.
Parents, they have a lot of cute kids clothes, too--and a lot of the kids' stuff is even UNDER $10.
I swear, when I walked in, it's like the heavens opened and the angels sang.
This place is WAY better than Fashion Bug, TJ Maxx or any of those other discount clothes shops.
GO THERE--and tell them Jen sent you.
Sat Jun 3, 6:25 PMUPDATED 12 HOURS 29 MINUTES AGO
Daughtry, in Greensboro for a day of welcome-home appearances, said he expects to announce his next career move in few months, probably after he finishes with an "American Idol" summer concert tour.
The band offered Daughtry a job hours after viewers voted him off the Fox television talent show last month. Bass player Jeff Abercrombie and guitarist Carl Bell made their pitch on the TV show "Extra."
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Here's the dream I had last night (and it was weird enough that I'm actually up at 7:30 on a SATURDAY to post about it; I wanted to get it down while it was still relatively fresh in my mind).
Basically, the sun was going to go out--yes, "go out," not explode or anything, but it was still broadcast as the official end of the world, obviously, but because eventually, without the sun, all life would ceast to exist. Here's what was particularly odd about this dream, though:
1) I was at my old school, Detroit Mercy, in the dorms, but yet my family and everyone was around.
2) Once the sun went out (it was still up in the sky and everything; it was just like someone flipped a switch in it and it just went off), military planes began bombing us. I never did find out if it was OUR military or another country's.
3) I was standing at an open window watching, and people starting running over asking to take shelter in my room with me. It was a really eclectic group of people, too. One of them was a little boy from work--not one of "my" kids, even. He was from the Three's room, but he came running over for protection/shelter. Aaron was there (yes, Anna, THAT Aaron; he had originally come to the window just to say goodbye because he, like a lot of other people, was leaving town--although where they were going to go, I don't know)--and once the bombing/attacks started, I told him he could come inside, but he said no, he didn't think that was a good idea, since we were no longer together and once a relationship is over, it's over.
4) GREG (you know, the asshole) showed up too, asking if he could come in for shelter--and in the midst of all this, in what is basically ARMAGEDDON, I actually took the time to look at him and say, really bitchily, "Oh, look who wants to talk to me NOW?" (LOL, doesn't that totally sound like something I would do?)
Anyway, it was just a really weird dream. For the record, I looked up Armegeddon in an online dream dictionary, and here's what it said. Kind of interesting, considering my most recent post from last night:
To dream of armageddon, or the end of the world, was very common in the year 1999 when many people thought the end of the world was going to occur at the year 2000. However, to dream about armageddon now is usually a deep-rooted fear that your world is about to change dramatically. By "your world" I am referring to everything around you, your job, your family etc.
From another site:
To dream about Armageddon suggests that you are feeling hopeless and out of control. The dream may be triggered from the deep emotional stress that you are experiencing in your waking life.
And very similarly, also from that second site, here's what "army" means (it's the closest I could find to that whole military aspect):
To see the army in your dream, symbolizes an overpowering force working against you. You may feel outnumbered or pressured and unable to deal/overcome this situation.
Friday, June 02, 2006
I haven't posted recently because I've been waiting for something to say. Now I have it.
You know how sometimes, you see something or hear something and you just know, on this instinctive, visceral level, that this is where your life is going to go? I don't know if that makes any sense, but I felt that way when I watched this Primetime special last night on kids in foster care. It talked about the hundreds of thousands of children currently waiting for homes IN THIS COUNTRY, and how the older they got, the less chance they have of being adopted. A lot of these kids will live their ENTIRE LIVES in the foster care system--either in foster homes, if they're lucky, or in group homes--and will eventually "age out" of the system without ever having known an actual FAMILY.
I've talked before about wanting to adopt an older child some day, but watching this show just cemented it for me. It became crystal clear to me; I just knew with an absolutely CERTAINTY that this is a road I'll be traveling down in the future. Whether or not I eventually find "the one", I'm going to be a parent--I have no doubt about that. And hell, even if I DO get married some day, I can't say, honestly, that I feel the burning desire to have my own kid. I mean, as much as I love kids, I've never been a BABY person. They're kind of boring, really. =) For some people, it's absolutely crucial they have their "own" child, and I know some couples who go to extraordinary lengths to conceive their own biological child. And for them, that's fine. But I don't have that need. Sure, it'd be nice to have a pregnancy that people are actually happy about; to have a baby shower; to do all that stuff I missed the first time around. But I'd miss a lot of other stuff, too, like countless diaper changes. Hours and hours and hours of crying. Around the clock feedings. Lugging them--and their diaper bags and strollers and Lord knows what else--around. Shit, even going to the STORE with a baby is a huge pain in the ass.
Granted, and trust me on this, I am well aware of the problems that come with adopting an older child. I'm VERY familiar with them, actually, as this is something that, in all seriousness, I've been researching for years. Foster care kids have all types of emotional and behavioral and physical problems that can be INCREDIBLY challenging. So I don't want to make it sound like I expect to take the "easy" way out by adopting an older child. But...well, I will get to bypass a lot of the hesitations I've ALWAYS had about having a baby. Having KIDS, yes. But having a BABY? I've NEVER been crazy about that idea.
I know this post is getting really long, so I guess my point is just that this show just touched something deep inside of me, and it made me realize, once again, that this is something that I truly believe I'm meant to do. Single or married, whatever road I end up taking--I AM going to be a parent someday. I'm not going to give BIRTH to him or her, but my future child may already be out there somewhere, waiting for me to get my shit together.