Wednesday, June 01, 2005

You know what? SCREW THAT.

Okay, I'm done allowing someone else to make all the decisions that affect MY life (such as my job and where I live).

Noah came home from preschool today with an AWESOME report card; he has made so much improvement since the first half of the year. His mom is really happy with his progress and attributes a large part of that to me (I've been working with these kids since January).

And you know what? I love these kids. I don't want to leave yet. I mean, I'll have to at the end of the summer anyway for student teaching, but at least that's on MY terms, for MY reasons. Not someone else's.

So I'm talking to Jeff tonight. If he still insists that he wants me out for the summer, so be it. I'm looking into rooms for rent. It will set me back a bit financially, but screw it. I'll live in a motel if I have to. If someone else can't act like an adult, fine. And who knows, if I sit him down reasonably and calmly and outline the reasons I want to stay--if he understands that this is about more than just him or "us", that it's my job and these kids--maybe he'll agree. Or hell, if he'd even relent enough to let me stay there for PART of the summer, reducing the number of weeks that I'd have to rent out a rooom somewhere else, that'd be great.

But you know what? I'm not going to quit a job that I love and move back home, taking the chance that I'll get stuck with a job I hate--or, even worse, that I won't be able to FIND a job--and be miserable all summer. This is my life too, dammit. But I'm not DONE with these kids yet. I'm not ready to move on. There's still so much I can do with them, so much I can teach them this summer. Plus, I kind of need them, too. They're one of the few bright spots in my life at the moment.

So I'll talk to Mrs S. tonight and let her know to keep looking for a nanny (again, they'll need one in the fall anyway) but that there's no rush, because (unless she thinks I'm totally crazy by now) I really want to stick around. (She understands that my current living arrangement has been a bit "unstable" recently, so she knows WHY things have been so uncertain in recent weeks.)

32 comments:

LocuTus of Borg said...

Good girl! You are the one in control of your life! Concerning staying somewhere - there are many temporary things you can look into because it does not sound like a good situation you are in: craigslist.com, roommates.com, local newspaper. Don't "talk" to him, you and I both know where that will go ... you take control. The children you watch will also be so happy to know you will still be there for the summer.

Jen said...

I'm already on roommates.com but I dont have any furniture! I got rid of my bed when I moved in with him! So I'm not sure that will work; I'm looking in the papers still for furnished rooms.

PKD said...

Have you ever seen a teenaged dream?
My daddy was a TV,
My mommy was a magazine.

Miss T said...

Coming out of lurkedom to offer you encouragement in your situation. These things are tough to get through, but I've read through your blog (which I enjoyed very much by the way--you are a talented writer!) & I think you sound like a very strong person. Good Luck!

Jen said...

Thanks Tina!!!

And, um, thanks Keith. (???)

SparkyDiva said...

good for you! stand up for yourself and don't let him control you or your situation. is there any way you can stay with the S's? do they have a guestroom or something?

and what's up with that keith guy??

take care - good luck
~b

Jen said...

Here's my concern about staying with the S's.

I love those kids. But today, for example, I was exhausted after being there for 11 hours. I could not WAIT to go home to a quiet, kid free apartment and relax.

Now imagine, if you will, that I live there. I get done with an exhausting day and I go...wait, no where, CUZ I'M ALREADY HOME.

Now I know that I could work things out with them so that after hours time is a "do not disturb" time (they do have a tv downstairs and a guest room with a private bathroom...I know, I know, you guys are all thinking, MORON, HELLO, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER). But I'm still concerned about working where I live...but I'm going to talk to Jeff first and see what he says. Even if we can do a two weeks here, two weeks there kind of thing, that would work.

I did check out a motel and frankly, I was scared. It was in the redneck ghetto. (And I think a Redneck Ghetto is even scarier than an inner city ghetto, actually.)

Jen said...

Update on this, too. Jeff and I talked tonight; I'm staying here. He knows how important this job is to me. I've already talked to the S's and promised them that this is my "final answer." They're still looking for a new nanny, of course, but now they have through mid August or so to find someone good. She's really relieved that they don't have to try to find someone new in the next week, and she's happy that I'm staying.

And Jeff promised that no matter what happens with "us," my place here for the summer is definite. I believe him. As far as "we" go, we're not defining it. We're just...going with the flow. Things have been going pretty well lately, so we're just going to ride the wave and see what happens.

Renee said...

Well I'm glad you're taking control of your life!

I totally understand why you wouldn't want to live with the S's. I'm just concerned that Jeff is gonna be an ass for the rest of the summer.

And I just have to remind you that last week you were done because he'd been treating you like shit for so long. Don't forget that. Just because he's being okay right now doesn't make it okay that he was a complete dick two weeks ago.

And we have an extra box spring and mattress (full size) in the basement, still in moving boxes if you find you need a bed :-) It used to be up at Brick and Jane's cottage, so it has a slight musty odor, but it's a bed :-)

Nik said...

Renee, I'm so with you on everything you said! I'm kinda worried that something minor and insignificant will piss him off again and he's back to the get out of MY place kinda thing.
Jen, I'm glad to see you sticking up for yourself and I really hope you're able to make this work, if for nothing else than you being able to be with those kids! Wishing you the best!

LocuTus of Borg said...

been there, done that with the roles reversed .... good luck :S

Renee said...

LoB, do you mean you were the Jen or the Jeff?

LocuTus of Borg said...

i was in Jen's position (roles reversed meant I was not the guy in this case)

Renee said...

That's what I THOUGHT you meant; just wanted to clarify and call you a bastard if you were the Jeff ;-) Just kiddin.

Nik said...

LMAO!! Renee are we a bit angry with someone? I don't think LoB is any kind of bastard though.

LocuTus of Borg said...

Thanks Nik =) I'm too nice that's why I'm still single I guess

Rob said...

Me too LoB.. it's terrible. No one appreciates how nice I am :(

Jen said...

Yeah, Rob...THAT'S why you're still single.

Renee said...

LoB, I don't really think you're a bastard at all; you're very cool.

Yeah I am a little bent over Jeff right now, Nikki :-)

And Rob, I second Jen's statement :-)

Nik said...

Ya know, I've heard this a lot from my guy friends and I'm starting to think that it's pretty true in a lot of cases. Chicks WANT the asshole guy! There are more and more guys getting turned down with the reason being that they're too nice. What the f#@k is that all about. Dan was just telling me his experiences the other night and I hate to say it, bt more often than not, the bad boy wins!
To all the "nice" boys out there, don't give up, there are plenty of girls out here who have some sense and are looking for men, not little boys!
Renee, we'll be bent about him together!

Renee said...

Yeah Nikki- sadly, you are right. Nice guys many times do finish last. I always found myself with ass holes while growing up. Thank god I realized how good a nice guy can be!

But I agree with Nikki- nice guys, don't give up!

LocuTus of Borg said...

Thanks ... don't worry not giving up. I figure that I will meet the girl that wants to be pampered, treated like a woman, have her independence, and be sensitive to her needs. Guess I just don't like staying with those girls that always want to get in an argument .... hmmm go figure!

Renee said...

Hehehehehe. Jen is the girl who always wants to get into an argument :-)

You'll find her, LoB!

Rob said...

Nee Nee, why you agreeing with Jen? You've seen how I am. Pretty much the nicest guy around.

Jen said...

Shut up Renee, I am not.

;)

Anna said...

As messed up as it is, I agree with Nikki a bit- that girls want a guy that's a bit of an asshole. It's not so much that, but that both men & women need a bit of a challenge to keep them interested. If it's too easy, people get bored. No?

Lisa said...

You Go Girl! Finally found those balls I knew you had hidden somewhere - keep up the good work and dont let Jeff treat you like shit - always stand up for yourself no matter what! And for those nice guys - I did not know there were any left that werent married or gay! I have been looking for nice and all I find are assholes so the answer is no, all girls are not attracted to assholes, assholes are attracted to us.

Renee said...

Rob, you are very cool and a nice guy. Jen knows this too. We're just slightly sarcastic at times.

Anna, I can only attest to what it was that drew ME to ass holes, and it wasn't the challenge... it was low self-esteem. After the first ass hole depleted my account of it, I was convinced that that was what I deserved. It took a LONG time to get used to being treated so well. But now, of course, I'd never go back.

But the sad thing is, I think a LOT of girls have the self-esteem issues and (I'm gonna sound like a feminist here, and I'm really not) I think a good portion of that comes from the skinny bitches we see on magazine covers and on tv and movies and stuff. If we don't look like that, we obsess over it and feel shitty about ourselves. And then, too, are the fucked up boyfriends who verify those feelings. Women of the world, rise up! Or as my man Tupac used to say "Ya gotta keep ya head up" :-)

Anna said...

There's nothing wrong with feminism- It's just working towards HUMAN equality, which is good for everyone!

I don't mean the real TERRIBLE ASSHOLES. And don't think that Tim's at all like that. But when we started dating, we both had other priorities in our lives and so the time we got together was even more special. We've grown into each other over the years of dating and I think are generally really good to each other.

Nik said...

Renne, you quoting "your man Tupac" is too damn funny for words!

Anna said...

I don't know that I made a lot of sense with the last couple of comments. It's difficult to explain but I think the bottom line is that people need a little challenge to keep them interested.

Rob said...

Now I see why Nik was calling you ShaNeeNee, you really are gangsta. Holla!