NOTE: OKAY, I put it back up.
One last point
In that same conversation, he said something about the fact that he "opened up his life" to me and that he doesn't do that very often. I think the main problem here is that he sees that night as something I did TO HIM, as in, "I opened my life to you and you repay me by lying to me and then acting that way." What I WISH and PRAY he'd understand is that this is NOT SOMETHING I DID TO HIM. Sure, he may have experienced the fallout, but during that whole episode, it was not me making a conscious choice to basically turn his life upside down and destroy the whole relationship. He's just the poor bastard who happened to be there. =-) Now I'm NOT saying that anything I do during these times is not my fault--which is why I went on the meds, to take responsibility and take the first step in getting it under control. But he needs to understand that I wasn't maliciously, purposely doing all that. In a way, JEN wasn't there. Was Hurricane Dean particularly pissed off at the Carribean? No. Do tornadoes have a REALLY big problem with Oklahoma and Kansas? Uh-uh. Those places just happened to get in the way of the destructive paths these disasters caused before they eventually ran out steam.
And that's the best way I can put it. =-)
While we were together, he'd often look at me adoringly and say things like "Man, you're just about perfect, you know that?" at which point I'd kind of snort or guffaw. But I do, looking back, see that as a warning sign. It's like he can't accept the UN-perfect me...or that I've fallen from the image HE had of me and that's just not okay... Or something.
OKAY I'M DONE OBSESSING. I promise. Thanks, everyone. We'll move on now. I know I am. ;)