Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Please, sir, may I have another?

The good news: I've recovered from the flu, as evidenced by the fact that I ate--and kept down--chicken wings at my post-work "meeting" today (which, by the way, lasted for a record 5 hours--yeah, we had a lot to talk about). Whoo hoo! However, now that I'm over THAT, I have an ear infection (which could explain my recent dizziness and light-headedness). LOL--Brandi, are you adding this to the book?

It's not official yet, but I've been tugging on my left ear like a little kid since Sunday night (after a not-so-smart weekend swim in relatively cold weather). Finally, during our planning period at the end of the day, one of the moms on my team noticed what I was doing ("Uh-oh, I know what THAT means. Let's go"), marched me down to the nurse's office (never mind that, technically, I'm their supervisor--when it comes to stuff like this, they TOTALLY baby me; it's kind of cute) and told her to check out my ear. While I indignantly informed them that I was fine and that this whole thing was "gay," Nurse K. put her light-stick-thing down my left ear and actually WHISTLED before announcing, "Dude, there's some shit going on in there" (no kids were around, obviously) and telling me to go to the doctor for some medicine.

I protested, "But I haven't had an ear infection in YEARS."

(Sidebar: since the COLIN RAYE CONCERT, Mother. Remember that? When I had a fever of 105, an asthma attack, malaria, the Eboli virus, leprosy AND a double ear infection and you were all like, "Bitch, sit down and suck it up, I ain't leaving Colin Raye"? Remember that? But I digress.)

And Nurse K. said, "Well, you're making up for it now. You got a situation in your ear."

"You got a situation in your ear"????? THAT'S a diagnosis now?

As it happens, I have an appointment to see my doctor either this week or next; I have to call to find out for sure. I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later because apparently, I have a situation in my left ear.

But other than THAT, I feel pretty damn good. I had a 5-hour talk with The Girls (and one Very Hot Guy) today, and I'll tell you what, it sure as hell opened my eyes. I LOVE my Florida friends. Don't worry, Girl Tribunal--when you can't be here to physically slap the shit out of me, they do it for you. =-)


Anonymous said...

I did NOT say that.

Go to the Dr. ASAP before your eardrum blows up. IT CAN HAPPEN.

Jen said...

You're right, Mom, it could totally happen.

Also, do you know that if you stick a pumpkin seed in your ear, you can grow a pumpkin down there? IT CAN HAPPEN.

Jen said...

And yes you DID say that. Remember, I was sitting there, shivering, limbs falling off and what not, and you refused to leave till the concert was over? And THEN--and only then--you took me to the ER and they had to hook me up to the IV and sew my arm back on and cut out the gangrene and stuff? Remember?

sparkydiva said...

*sigh*...i'm gonna need another book...

anna said...

lol at y'all!

I think you need more Vitamin C in your life. Get on a multi-vitamin and try to get on a regular eating & sleeping schedule. You've got to give yourself a chance to fight off these infections. Take 2 and call me in the morning - that diagnosis will cost you $500. I take cash.

Renee said...

LMAO at everyone :-)

Jen, I hate to side with Deb on this, but my dad just blew an eardrum. Because he had an infection that he didn't seek medical attention for. No kidding. His eardrum burst and gushed blood all over his pillow. And it's taking FOREVER to heal. As if he weren't deaf enough BEFORE.

I'm glad your Florida friends are slapping the shit out of you for us :-) Tell them we love them!

anna said...

Yes, thanks to the slapping Florida friends. But if they ever step out of line, we could totally take them!

Jen said...

Anna, trust me. I'd put my money on the Girl Tribunal over my FF any day. ;) Hell, I gots way more to answer to with you guys. LOL. you all KNOW me.

And frankly, they aren't telling me anything that you all haven't said a million times anyway. (Renee, this kind of addresses your email.) Basically, their main points are:

1) Bitch, why you sweatin a guy who, after a year, STILL wasn't sure he wanted to be with you?

and 2) Even if he HAD decided to be with you, he's proven himself to be a cheater--both ON you and WITH you--so really, what have you been fighting for?

To which I say: hellz yeah! But, at the same time--and shoot me if you want, and I'm saying this cuz you guys are too far away to kick my ass--there's so much more to Shawn than the "LCB." I see the moments you guys don't see, and the BFF-ness of us, and the moments when I was with him and I'd look at him and just feel this pure happiness, and--yes, I know this is bad, but--

maybe he just needed to meet the RIGHT girl at the RIGHT time for all the puzzle pieces to fall into place, and all of his game playing would be done because maybe he wasn't ready to settle down before and I kept thinking that maybe once he was at that point in his life, he would make different decisions in his relationships than he had in the past. I just...I believe(d) in him; I saw the good in him; and I so much want(ed) that good to come out. And I felt like if I hung in there long enough, and stood by him, and showed him that he could trust me and count on me TOO, he'd realize that wow, this is the kind of girl I want to have beside me the rest of my life, someone who loves me for who I am, even the bad parts, and believes in me, and has my back. Someone who has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can trust in her to be there and support me and lift me up, and damn, she really DOES love me, and she doesn't walk away when things get bad,and ON TOP OF THAT, she is willing to wait for my stupid ass to COME TO THAT VERY CONCLUSION.

Guys, it's just...fuckity fuck fuck. On one level, I totally hear what you guys are saying, and yes, I agree, and yes, if it was one of MY friends telling me the shit I'm telling you, I would be all "bitch, run!! Run like a motherfucker!!" But...I've always been a big believer in unconditional love, and that love WILL win out in the end, and that you will be REWARDED for loving unconditionally, not screwed over. Because isn't that what love is? Can you love blindly, or stupidly? Or is love IGNORING the "common sense" stuff and following your heart, and trusting that it will work out in the end?

How do you give up on your best friend, when you know all that they can be?

But then again, if they aren't showing that same faith and trust in YOU, if they aren't as sure as you are that this is something worth taking a "leap of faith" for (ahem), is it all just a wasted effort?

And the award for the longest comment EVER goes to me.

Jen said...

But see, all of what I just posted is basically bullshit.

Because, bottom line, I knew--I FUCKING **KNEW**--that I wanted to be with him--for RIGHT NOW. and that's all I ever asked from him. That's all I ever wanted. I was never counting on forever; not even close. All I knew is that I just wanted to be with him--and that's the key, I fucking KNEW that he was the one I wanted to take the chance on--for RIGHT NOW...and then just see what happened.

And he couldn't even give me that.

After a year, he still couldn't tell me that he wanted to be with me for RIGHT NOW.

He could take me or leave me. After a YEAR, he could take me or leave me. He had someone else in the picture for almost HALF OF OUR TIME TOGETHER. Because he didn't trust in us, or believe in us, oir he wasn't sure enough, to give me RIGHT NOW.

See, just when you guys start to lose all hope in me =-), the Strong Jen comes back. Cuz honestly, guys, she's there. I've been through way worse than Shawn. Yeah, my heart is broken, yeah, he's one of 2 men that I've truly loved. But...seriously?? He needs a YEAR to decide if I'm the one he wants to take a chance on FOR RIGHT NOW?

I was crazy about that man. And if he put me through all of that waiting and stress and heartbreak just to get to "right now"...fuck it.

I love Shawn, guys. I truly, truly do. And I wanted to be with him...for RIGHT NOW. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out. I just wanted to find out. I wanted to give it a fair shot. I wanted us BOTH to see if maybe, just MAYBE, this could be what we've been looking for; if, together, we could make all those hazy pictures we both had of our futures a reality. Because--and that's the bitch--we DID both have the same dreams and hopes for our futures. And the fact that we'll never know is what hurts the most...all because he couldn't give me RIGHT NOW. Just RIGHT NOW.

And if he can't give me "right now," then I don't want anything.

I wish him nothing but the best, and frankly, I think he'll always be in my life. He's, as fucked up as this is, a part of me. The good times we had were just too good. (And believe me, guys, they were truly, truly good.) The bond we had was (is?) just too strong.

I hope he finds his "right now." And I wish it could have been me. But I think that OUR "right now" is gone. And I think he's been trying to tell me that. I just didn't want to see it.