Sadness setting in.
I KNOW he's a lying bastard but it makes it even worse not knowing what (if anything) was sincere and real. I really, truly thought that he cared, that we had a good thing going and hell, we were FRIENDS. We laughed till our stomachs hurt and tears came down our faces. We could toss zingers back and forth like nobody's business.
And I think it's just because I hurt from the procedure today and I'm sad and lonely even though I have my friends and my elbow hurts and I have stitches now that look like fucking whiskers coming out of my nose.
And he's a lying bastard, but I miss him. I know I shouldn't. I know he's not worth it. I know that I'm lucky I found out now before it went even further (farther?) and I ended up even more hurt and betrayed.
I know I'm not going through all this crap and procedures by myself but right now, I kind of feel like it. He was supposed to be here to help with all of this. I feel like I got my ass kicked, physically and otherwise, and right now, I miss him.