Saturday, October 15, 2005

Cam update.

I called Cam's mom today. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot new to report. He's still at the rehab place; they have to make their home "barrier free" before he can live there again. He's not in a wheelchair (he's walking by himself now, though sometimes he falls down), but he needs special handles to grab onto in his bedroom and bathroom--so they're working on getting an addition built on their house now. They hope to have him home for good by the holidays.

His speech is still very slurred. His mom and dad can understand him, of course, but others have more of a problem. The more you're around him, the easier it is to understand him.

His short-term memory is still shot. He doesn't remember a whole lot from day to day. They have to keep reminding him of events, conversations, etc. He HAS gotten to the point, though, where he'll blame his memory lapses on his brain injury (as in, "I don't remember. I have a brain injury," which is kind of funny. That sounds like him). ;) There are times that he doesn't remember life at all before the accident--he's actually asked his parents if he's always been like this. He asks them if he's ever been married or if he has any kids. He doesn't remember me, though. He does, however, remember Tweak (the cat he got me for our anniversary, who now lives with Mom and Steve). It's nice that he remembers the cat he had for about 4 months, yet the woman he was with for a year and a half has failed to make an impression.

I told his mom that I'm leaving this part of the state soon and I'd love to see him before I go. "If he doesn't remember me, then he can just make a new friend," I told her. She said she'd bring it up and let me know if he's open to a visit. Frankly, though, I don't expect to hear from her. I told her that I still think about him all the time and I'd make sure to always let them know where I am, just in case they ever need to find me. You never know when he'll change his mind.

I'm never going to really be able to "get over" him.

4 comments:

Jen said...

Yeah, but like I said before, I can't really even be mad at him now...he's not that person anymore, you know? That Cam and this Cam are literally two different people.

LoraLoo said...

I'm very new to your blog, so I'm guessing a lot here. Despite how sad I got reading about Cam, it sounds like he's doing better and it's good to hear. I hope his Mom contacts you... even if he doesn't remember you now, could he later? Besides, he sounds like he could use all the happy faces he can get right now.

Jen said...

Hi Loraloo:

The short story is, Cam and I dated for a year and a half. We had broken up but were still living together (I was moving out at the end of the month) when he was in a car accident in May 2002. He was in a coma for 6 weeks and for a while, they weren't even sure if he'd make it. As he started to come out of it, he was still unable to talk, but I visited him regularly, first at the hospital, then at the brain injury rehab place they moved him too. I still loved him fiercely, even though we had broken up and he had been kind of a butt to me towards the end of our relationship.

As he started to talk, though, we realized that his memory was gone, and he didn't know who I was. He told his parents that he didn't want to see me anymore. (His memory comes and goes; there are times that he remembers bits and pieces, but he doesn't remember ME. One time, when his parents asked about "Jen," he started describing an ex who had come before me, who had REALLY screwed him over, which may have been part of the reason he didn't want to see "Jen."

I wrote to him every week for about a year; sometimes he read the letters, sometimes he didn't. Three and a half years later, I still check in with his parents to see how he's doing and to see if he's changed his mind.

They say that how he is now is pretty much how he'll always be. He was 26 when the accident happened; he had an engineering degree. Now, he's blind in one eye, with severe brain trauma, and will need help for the rest of his life.

OK so maybe that wasn't TOO short, but at least I hit the stuff that people new to Jen's World need to know.

So yeah...he's come quite a long way, compared to where he was. (He's had to relearn EVERYTHING, and for a while, he was just one step up from a vegetable--no exaggeration.) But compared to how he was, and how he SHOULD be? It's just heartbreaking and it's something that, even now, I think about every day. I'm not the same person I was before the accident, either. And I hate that this happened to him. I would give ANYTHING to change it.

LoraLoo said...

You're right, that's heartbreaking. You are a good person - you're still around (considering you'd broken up), and he's not really knowing who you are. I can't imagine what it's like to watch someone so young struggle so hard after being a complete, vibrant person. My heart goes out to him and his family, as well as you...