Stressed out with a side of crazy
I am so stressed right now. Seriously, I feel like a rubber band about to snap. Here's a few reasons:
1) Although my observation went very well, work is still killing me right now. We have our big state test in 2 weeks, a test that Florida (and therefore our school) puts a LOT of weight on. Our school "grade" depends on how well our kids do, and since our principals' jobs depends on that state grade, they're putting a lot of pressure on the teachers. I'm getting it extra-bad because I'm a team lead and also because I have the lowest 25% of the 5th grade students (and how well those "low kids" do is kind of worth double--it's hard to explain). Plus, our principal keeps saying things to my team like "and we're really counting on the 5th grade, we know your scores are going to carry us through," blah blah blah. And I'm glad they have so much faith in us, but shit, what if we DON'T perform as well as they hope? FCAT prep has been made the absolute focus at our school, to the extent that we've been told to not even TEACH non-FCAT areas (which for our grade is social studies and language arts), which means that ALL DAY these poor kids are getting nothing but math, reading and science. Even in their specials (like art and PE), they're doing FCAT stuff. The kids are getting overloaded and overwhelmed, and it's affecting their behavior, and when you add their stress to MY stress--well, it's not pretty. And I can't BLAME the higher-ups for making FCAT-prep stuff job one, since again, THEIR jobs are riding on it too, but I (and all other teachers) think that doing THIS much prep work is only going to a) burn the kids out and b) stress them out MORE on the day of the actual test, but of course we can't say that to the powers-that-be. But seriously, if I disappear one day, it's because my kids finally revolted and burned me at the stake.
So that's all reason #1, but it's a BIG reason #1, and it's just bad right now. Bad bad bad.
2) I'm the spelling bee coordinator again, which I normally like, but it's THIS WEEK, and getting ready for that and everything that goes along with it (I'll spare you the details) is just adding to my stress.
3) Although I'm back on my meds and am regular with them again, I'm still suffering a bit of a "lag" from when I was IRregular on them a couple of weeks ago, which is making everything worse. And frankly, even if I HAD been regular on them all along, the stress I'm feeling at work is so bad that it may be enough to kind of "trigger" me (shit, even the "sane" teachers are going freakin' nuts), so I'm trying to keep it together, but I feel very, very ....I don't know. Not down or depressed, but....just not in a good place. And I'm throwing up alot and popping Tums like candy. it's just bad.
Those are the main issues. I'm just--GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
It'll all be over in a couple of weeks, and then we can go back to actual TEACHING...but fuck, you guys. Did I mention that it's bad?