Mitch Hedberg

...was (is) my favorite comedian. He was the guy on Comedy Central who had shaggy hair, usually spoke with his eyes cast on the ground and was very monotone. He came out with some of the greatest one-liners EVER. Mitch died a couple of years ago--officially due to heart problems, though he had had a drug problem as well.

Anyway, I found a website that generates some random Mitch-isms. I'm going to start posting them occasionally because they're hysterical.

Enjoy.

Onions make me sad, alot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions I'm sad... the plight of onions has been sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying. They think I'm just reacting.

And

The depressing thing about tennis is no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're f**king relentless.