Sunday, March 15, 2009


When some friends and I went out for St Patrick's Day last night, the tent serving the jello shots caught my eye--but not for the reason you may think. See, the shots were being served by the Ft. Myers Derby Girls.

(Those of you who know me can already see what's coming.)

Yup. I want to be a Derby Girl (think girls on 4-wheel skates going around the rink, racing and occasionally body-slamming each other). I told them that I was a VERY beginning skater and one of the girls said she was, too--she just joined the team and right now she spends more time on her butt than on her feet. But they were all really nice and they're looking for skaters and it sounds really, really fun.

After talking to them and collecting the info, I marched back to my friends. "I'm gonna be a derby girl!" I announced.

And it's funny--they started to laugh, but then stopped and said, "Actually, Jen, we can TOTALLY see you doing that."

Since my sensei left, I've been unable to get back into karate--I've visited a few dojos, but I just don't get the same "vibe" from them that I got from my old place. Plus, my monthly fees would literally quadruple (from $25 a month with Sensei Annie to $100 at these other places). But I really, really, REALLY miss having something just for me. And I think that this derby thing could do kind of the same thing for me that karate did--give me something to focus on and works towards, something to distract me from the other stuff going on in my life, something to bring up my self-confidence. Whether I stick with it for 3 months or a year (or more!), this is something else I can add to my list, something about which I can say, "Yeah, I've done that." As you may have noticed by now, I take *pride* is taking on activities that are more unusual and out there--or ones that other people think I can't...just like with karate. Some people laughed when I started taking karate lessons--but I stuck with it and actually accomplished something (and I would have gone even further, if circumstances hadn't changed).

SO. I'm going to go check them out at the local rink Monday night. Monthly rink expenses, they say, run about $40 a month--MUCH more within my budget than a new karate place. Plus, I already have skates! (Hahahahaha--I wonder if I'll even be allowed to use my Britney Spears ones. How freakin' funny would THAT be? Yeah, I'd be a badass, all right. LOLOL) All that's left is for me to get a helmet and pads. They practice twice a week with bouts (not "matches" or "games") about twice a month. (Imagine how good of shape I could get into!)

And here's the most fun part. Once you become a skater, you have to come up with your "alter ego"--the name and persona you take on on the rink. The names are *supposed* to be funny, creative and out-there. Well, I tried to come up with a good one in bed last night and most of this morning. But every time I thought of a good one, I'd run to check the International Rollergirls' Master Roster of names (yes, there is such a thing)--and inevitably, it'd already be taken. Finally, I thought of one that made me laugh out loud AND is still available--so if I officially sign up for this, I will be known as:

Stacked Attack

And my number?



(Your number can be absolutely anything you want. If you check out the roster, some girls have #s that aren't even really "numbers"--like "WD40." Like the names, the numbers can be as funny and silly and stupid as you want them to be.)

To check out my (possible) new team, go to

If you're bored and want some laughs, check out (the official list of skaters' names)


Jen said...

Ooh! I just found wrist, elbow and knee pads from when Cam and I used to blade together. Now all I need is a helmet!

lotusblossom said...

I see you having a blast! I also See MANY future broken body parts! I am getting the early vote in for broken tail bone. It does sound like fun.

Renee said...

LOLOL! I was gonna say pretty much what Lisa said. It sounds like a frickin blast, but I also see broken bones in your future. You better either start drinking milk or taking calcium supplements right now! Go. Now.

anna said...

Ditto to lotus & Renee! It sounds way cool - those girls rock! I'll put my money on another broken elbow.

Jen said...

I proudly announced my new plans to my kids today. One of them, C., silently put his head down on his desk, his shoulders shaking. When he lifted up his head, he had tears running down his face from laughing so hard. He tried for a moment to compose himself, then pointed at me, snorted and started laughing again.

Well, as it turns out, my dream may be coming to an end already. They practice twice a week--but their sunday practice is from 11 pm to ONE AM. Hello??? I could have sworn that that's what the rink said when I called just now. I'm shooting them a msg on myspace now to verify.

However, here is their current injury report (and it's funny AND scary at the same time)

Fire and Ice: currently out due to a spider bite to the knee

The Alexorcist: currently out due to a dislocated elbow

Kannibal Kate: currently out due to a hurt knee

Anya Dixon: currently out due to huge knockers

Heinz 57: currently out due to being a filthy whore and getting knocked up

MessYouUp Buttercup: currently out due to a hurt knee

Renee said...

Hahahahahahaha! Anya Dixon and Heinz 57 are HILARIOUS!

I'm also LMAO at your very supportive student :-) That would suck if the practice hours really are that late... who the hell could have a real job with those hours?

Nik said...

OMG, if you are able to do this, all I'm saying is there better be some video footage for all of us at some point in time. You might wanna wrap yourself in bubble wrap, cuz you know you're gonna get jacked up. The name you picked is awesome and the injury report, frickin died laughing. How cool is this?!?!?!

Jen said...

I was at dinner with my friends last night, and the guys unanimously decided that my name should be "The Gang Bang." And it has to be with "The," they clarified, because they want to make signs and tshirts that say, "I'm here for The Gang Bang" (aka Old School). And then they were coming up with possible phrases the announcer may have to say, like if I fall down with other skaters: "And several girls are down with The Gang Bang". They were laughing so hard that they were choking on their corned beef and cabbage. Seriously, this entertained them for about 45 minutes. (It WAS pretty funny.)

Jen said...

"And look at all the skaters mixed up with The Gang Bang!"

That was another one

Renee said...

LOLOLOL. That IS a great name, but I personally prefer Stacked Attack :-)