Crazy is as crazy does
I'm going to crazy doc today, and it's a good thing. Don't get me wrong--my new meds have been working very well at keeping me "down"--as evidenced again last night, when I went off on LCB while he was here. Everything that I've been keeping in for the last 4 months or so of this little love triangle came out--but it was the most sane "fight" I've ever had. Sure, I yelled at him and said some harsh things...but all of it, as even he admitted, was true and deserved. (And really, there's no NICE way to call someone a "selfish, self-absorbed man whore".) But the only thing I threw at him was a tshirt....and I didn't punch him in his stupid lying mouth, so that's a definite step up. And I was even able to actually TALK at various points, calmly and rationally.
But I think that the pills are actually sending me in the OPPOSITE direction and making me a little down. I haven't been to karate in like a month, guys. I told Sensei it was because I had to get all of my Masters stuff done before the deadline here in a few days....but then I couldn't get motivated to work on THAT, either, so I'm probably going to fail the semester. I just didn't CARE. Frankly, I was probably going to drop my Masters work for a while anyway, because right now karate is way more important to me and I've seen that it's impossible to juggle EVERYTHING. But I definitely feel a lot more "blah" these days, and although I'm sure part of it is being stuck in this whole LCB Seventh Level of Hell situation, I really think there's more to it. She might just try a whole different med (AGAIN), but I know that it's not uncommon for BPs to be on one med to keep them from going too high and another to make sure they don't go too low. And let's face it: my kind of crazy probably needs more than one kind of med. =-)
I also have a regular doc appointment this afternoon--I had gone in for some bloodwork just to rule out a physical reason why I've been so tired and blah-like, but my gut says that those tests will come out normal.