Monday, November 10, 2008

Crazy is as crazy does

I'm going to crazy doc today, and it's a good thing. Don't get me wrong--my new meds have been working very well at keeping me "down"--as evidenced again last night, when I went off on LCB while he was here. Everything that I've been keeping in for the last 4 months or so of this little love triangle came out--but it was the most sane "fight" I've ever had. Sure, I yelled at him and said some harsh things...but all of it, as even he admitted, was true and deserved. (And really, there's no NICE way to call someone a "selfish, self-absorbed man whore".) But the only thing I threw at him was a tshirt....and I didn't punch him in his stupid lying mouth, so that's a definite step up. And I was even able to actually TALK at various points, calmly and rationally.

But I think that the pills are actually sending me in the OPPOSITE direction and making me a little down. I haven't been to karate in like a month, guys. I told Sensei it was because I had to get all of my Masters stuff done before the deadline here in a few days....but then I couldn't get motivated to work on THAT, either, so I'm probably going to fail the semester. I just didn't CARE. Frankly, I was probably going to drop my Masters work for a while anyway, because right now karate is way more important to me and I've seen that it's impossible to juggle EVERYTHING. But I definitely feel a lot more "blah" these days, and although I'm sure part of it is being stuck in this whole LCB Seventh Level of Hell situation, I really think there's more to it. She might just try a whole different med (AGAIN), but I know that it's not uncommon for BPs to be on one med to keep them from going too high and another to make sure they don't go too low. And let's face it: my kind of crazy probably needs more than one kind of med. =-)

I also have a regular doc appointment this afternoon--I had gone in for some bloodwork just to rule out a physical reason why I've been so tired and blah-like, but my gut says that those tests will come out normal.


anna said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling down! You have a lot on your plate. Maybe the doc can just lower your dose of the med you're on. I hope they can help you find a good balance to get you back to karate and whatever else you want to do.

Renee said...

I ditto what Anna said. You do have a lot on your plate, and it'd be hard for anyone to balance it all, but especially if your meds have you feelin down! And knowing how important karate is to you, I'm really surprised to hear that you haven't been there in a month! I hope she can find a happy medium for you! Let us know how it goes!

And as said before, I'm proud of you for letting LCB's LC ass have it and know how he's making you feel. And the way you handled things is a HUGE step! Hell, I don't have bp and I might have punched him in his stupid lying mouth :-) Good job for not!

Jen said...

I was right, though, with the blood tests. Other than a possible UTI situation, everything came back normal.

"I don't suppose a UTI infection could make me sleep a lot and lose interest in my everyday activities?" I asked hopefully--cuz I just didn't want "depression" to be the reason.

"It'd have to be a hell of a UTI," she answered. (LOL, she's about my age and really cool.)

And before that, the PA was just updating some things, including the plethora of crazy pills I'm on, when I said something that made her laugh (I don't remember what).

"Girl, you're crazy," she said, laughing.

"Yeah, that's kind of why I'm here," I said with a straight face, and she realized what she said and started laughing again.

anna said...

LOL at the "Girl, you're crazy" exchange!

An infection in the body can bring you down some. That could be part of it.