Baby mama drama
I just woke up and there was a dream so fresh in my mind that I had to share it with you.
I had a baby, and like 10 minutes after getting home from the hospital, the kid picked up a piece of hot yellow pepper from the couch and ate it (because, you know, a one-day-old baby could TOTALLY do that and plus, my couch cushions are LADEN with hot peppers). Of course, it got really sick almost immediately--shaking and crying and sweating and puking--and I had to rush it back to the hospital. The doctors were all like, "Wow. We've never had a new mom manage to fuck it up that quickly."
So then I go home, and on the way home we stopped at the store. Well, somehow the baby fell out of the cart (probably because--and I remember this clearly--I had this one-day-old-kid SITTING UP in that seat in the front) and of course, it bumped its little head and I had to go BACK to the hospital. The same doctors were there (because it was like half an hour later), and they looked at me and went, "SERIOUSLY?!"
And I started crying and said, "Well, what the hell do *I* know about being a mom?!"
And then I woke up.