Checking in.

Yes, I've been a little busy lately. Work has been part of it, of course, but a larger part is my new "special friend." I'll call him Jeff (mostly because that's his name). Jeff and I have been spending a lot of time together. In a very short time, I've grown incredibly comfortable with him. On Sunday, for example, we just sat around and watched the race (Newman had a horrible finish, but don't get me started on that). It just felt so natural and relaxing to be around him. I felt...happy. And it's been a while since a guy has made me genuinely happy.

Keep your fingers crossed that I don't mess this one up.

I've got your low carbs right here.

This low-carb craze is really irritating me. I mean, come on. We've seen how many fad diets come and go? If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to eat right and exercise. You need to work off my calories than you consume. Period.

I'm sick of turning around and seeing "Atkins friendly" this and "low-carb" that. And now, I just read on Yahoo! news that Krispy Kreme is coming out with a low-carb donut. Yeah, because THAT'S going to make the donut healthy. Yeah, because THAT'S going to make the donut healthy. Now, you can eat ALL THE DONUTS YOU WANT TO. They're low on carbs!


COME ON.

Eat as many as you want!

I remember.

May 25th is the two-year anniversary of "the accident." I'm sad, reflective and pensive (and a walking thesaurus, apparently), but...it's not affecting me as much as I feel like it should. I'm not distraught or anything. And that makes me feel guilty as hell, frankly.

I guess I've reached the point where I'm officially moving on. I will never forget, I will always wonder why, and my heart will always break when I think of all that he's lost. I will continue sending him letters and calling his parents...though not as often as I did at first. Someday, I imagine, I will probably stop completely.

If something ever changes on his end, I would be there for him as long as he wanted me to be. But as things stand, I can only do so much. It's taken me two years to accept that.

I will never, ever understand why things like this happen. I will never again be the same Jen that I was before the accident. But even with all that has happened, I am so incredibly glad for the time I had with him. I wouldn't trade it for anything, even though it led to the worst kind of heartache.

Tomorrow, I will go through my usual day. I will live my life. But I will remember.

Wow.

I had a pretty good date today. By "pretty good," I mean "10 hours long." We saw a couple movies, ate a couple meals....his name is Jeff, he's 29 and he's just as into me as I am into him.

If only he didn't live Downriver, I think he just might be perfect...

;)

I don't think we're in Motown anymore, Toto.

On Friday, some severe weather rolled through metro Detroit. Around 2 pm we actually had to have the kids take their "tornado positions." There were a lot of tears, of course...but then I pulled myself together. ;) No, seriously, the kids did great--they were upset, of course, but the whole thing was really scary. Green sky, high winds, heavy rain, hail...the phone was ringing off the hook with parents telling us to take shelter. The principal and main secretary were gone yesterday, which meant that 2 other staff members and I had to make the call.

The whole day was one of the most adult days of my life. I can't remember ever being that scared--not for myself, but for those 350 kids whose lives we were suddenly responsible for. Being able to stay composed and calm on the outside when I was terrified on the inside, being the one that those kids were looking to for reassurance that everything was going to be okay...it was really a "grown-up" moment for me.

And I hope I never, ever have to do it again.

Hopes and fears.

I had a job interview today (same position, different school). It was at 7:30 in the morning. I barely know my NAME at that hour, let alone possess the ability to charm an interviewer (AND pass the grammar and proofreading tests I had to take). However, I actually think it went pretty well. Rather than just showing my "interview personality," I was able to relax enough to let my real self come through. (And if the real me came through, then we all know I don't have a chance in hell of getting this job.) She said I should hear something within a week...

Now for the "fear" part. I'm scared of a few things. I'm scared of falling in love. I'm scared of heights. But those fears I confront. I take them on and attempt to do something about them. There's one particular fear, however, that I haven't been able to overcome.

First of all, let me say that I took an unexpected detour on the way home from work today and spotted some horses. And just seeing these Animals of Death brought THIS on...

Okay. You know how you can feed a horse by putting an apple on your flat, outstretched palm? I can't. The thought terrifies me. I am convinced that the horse will bite my hand off in an apple-induced frenzy. I don't know if there was some traumatic childhood incident that I've blocked out or what, but I CAN NOT DO IT. I can't even TRY to.

What are YOU all scared of?

This is why I love my job.

At job #2 today, I noticed one of the first graders standing in a huge puddle, stomping around. "Catherine!" I yelled from across the playground. "Get out of there!" I was pretty surprised, because ususally she's a really well-behaved kid. I motioned her over to me and asked what on earth possessed her to go stand in a puddle. She looked at me and said,

"I was teaching my feet how to swim."

An exciting update.

Remember my "how to" dilemma from earlier this week? Well, I think I've decided on "how to write a haiku." It's fun and creative, it will get them thinking, it will involve the whole audience and incorporating some boardwork shouldn't be too difficult.

Thanks to everyone for your sugggestions. (Well, ALMOST everyone.)

And they shall call her...

I received some spam today addressed to "hammerdownblog." I have decided that from now on, this is how I would like all of you to address me.

Thank you.

Save a life.

I tried to donate blood today (they're having a drive here at school), but I got turned down because my pulse was too high. "Are you under any stress?" the nurse asked. Noooooo. Also, it couldn't POSSIBLY be because my job involves running around after little kids all day. Or the fact that, after my Tuesday trip to visit my friends at the E.R., the docs had me back on a short burst of steroids again.

However, just because *I* couldn't donate doesn't mean that YOU can't. Visit the link below to find a donation center near you.

You'll save lives. AND you get a cookie.

American Red Cross

People really DO read this thing.

I've had a few of you note that I haven't posted in a while. There's really nothing that I have a burning need to write about--but, to keep everyone happy, I'll try to come up with something.

Oh! As a possible part-time job this summer, I have an interview with Kaplan (the company that helps high-school students study for college prep exams, like the ACT and SAT). As part of our audition, we have to teach a five-minute "how to" lesson. It cannot be "test prep" related (which I assume means topics such as "how to study," "how to take an exam," etc.). It has to INCLUDE the audience and should include boardwork ("writing on the board" for you laypeople).

So...I need help coming up with something fun and original. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to post them.

And the dirty suggestions some of you have been coming up with are not helpful. Amusing (and a bit flattering--I didn't realize so many of you consider me to be a "how to" expert in...THAT), but not helpful.

Go fly a kite. No, really.

Today at job #2, I remembered that I had a kite in my trunk from a couple of summers ago. Since it was mildly windy I took it out and proceeded to run around with a bunch of kindergarteners to 5th graders, trying to get the damn thing airborne. We never really succeeded but wow, did we have a lot of fun. And I WAS able to keep them, and myself, occupied for like 2 hours (neither of which is an easy feat).

So seriously. Grab a friend or a kid * and go fly a kite. Just choose a windier day than we did.

*Preferably a kid you know, and not just a random child off the street.

Thanks for nothing.

I had just gotten back from taking "my" fourth graders out for recess when Josh sat down next to me.

"Miss Krzys, you look like you've been running," he told me.

I was touched. The other teachers all know that I've been exercising regularly and have lost some weight, but it was great to have one of the kids notice. I wondered what differences he had observed. Did my legs look more muscular? Did I appear thinner?

"Why do you say that?" I asked, already smiling at the forthcoming compliment.

"Because your face is all red and your hair is sticking out all over," he answered.

Even at a young age...men suck.

Perhaps the problem is with all of YOU.

So I had my performance review for Job #2 today (an after-school childcare/latchkey program). It went very well, actually. My highest scores were in the "interacting with kids" category (I believe the word my supervisor used was "flawless"--but I digress). When she rated my interaction with the rest of the staff, she said (and I quote) that I was "incredibly laid back and easy to get along with."

Now, I know that some of you (Kory, and most of my ex boyfriends) may beg to differ. However, it's becoming more and more obvious to me that I do have two distinct personalities. Not in a multiple-personality kind of way (though, again, some of you could probably present a hell of a persuasive argument), but there's the Jen that people see at work and in more casual situations (easy going, cheerful, etc.)...and then there's the Other Jen. The short-tempered, emotional, sensitive, moody Jen. And this more temperamental side, unfortunately, tends to come out among those of you I feel closest to.

So, if you've fallen victim to the Mean Me, then....congratulations! Chances are, you're someone that I can really trust and let down my guard around. Now get the *%& away from me and go $%*# yourself. ;)

My next big idea.

I'm going to start playing the violin again! See, I work as a special ed assistant at an elementary school. Part of my job is to accompany one of our E.I. (emotionally impaired) 4th graders to certain classes, which includes specials (music, art, gym, etc.). Well, lately in music, they've been deciding if they want to be in band or orchestra next year, figuring out which instruments they want to play, etc. And it's SO EXCITING. And it made me think back to the 5th grade, when I started playing the violin (for a year, until I got bored with it and switched to the clarinet). But I'm older now, and I was in band for years, and I can't even remember how to read music but I know it would all come back to me pretty quickly...

Anyway, I found a couple of places here in town where I could get the violin (not too expensive, either; also, the music teacher told me to check on eBay and stuff). And music lessons are only $15 for half an hour (at least, I THNK that's what the guy said, but it was pretty loud in the break room when I called. Hell, maybe it was $50. Note to self: check on that).

So...yeah. Yes, this is the same girl who is a bit financially strapped at the moment. However, I NEED a creative outlet, I need culture, and I need a good way to destress every now and then.

Plus, who knows. Maybe I'm a prodigy in the making.

It was free, and I was bored.

So...I went online and got ordained as a reverend on Friday. Yes, I'm serious. I am now Reverend Jennifer Lynn Krzys with the Universal Life Church (ULC) . The ULC has only two beliefs, or doctrines: to "promote freedom of religion" and to "do that which is right."

I can legally perform marriages, funerals, baptisms, last rites, baby-naming, ceremonies, etc. Yes, that's right--I'm like Joey from Friends!

I do, however, have to buy certain certificates (baptismal, wedding, etc.) to fill out and provide as proof of legality, so...if you plan dying and having me conduct your funeral or something, let me know now so I can stock up. Or maybe I can just buy a "Ministry in a Box" (yes, they really sell that).

If you'll excuse me...I have to go do something reverend-y.