Why I became a teacher

And it's funny, because I've been extra super-bitch on them lately. (Part of it is getting them ready for middle school, part of it is because they're starting to act like they ARE in middle school so I have to take them down a few pegs and get them back under control.) I guess they're kind of like men....treat them like crap and they just want you even more. ;)

Ooops, my bad

I TOTALLY forgot to post about that whole life-changing-moment thing last week. ;)

Okay, so the horoscope in Glamour for May said that on the 4th, I would meet someone who could change my life. So I circled the date on my calendar (yes, I'm an uber-dork) and anxiously awaited for the fatefull day to arrive. Now, before you get too excited, it was NOT my soulmate (son of a BITCH, that bastard better show up soon)...but it was still pretty cool.

That day, Tuesday, I was doing a site visit at one of our other schools. (You know--go in, observe, offer feedback, etc.) I was at the high school again, but this time, instead of business and social studies classes and shit like that, I got to watch a morning of English lit classes (all grade levels, 9-12).

And I fell in love....with high school English.

I thought teaching HS school would be totally scary and intimidating and not something that I would EVER consider....but it's not like teaching, say, middle school. In other words, the kids aren't tools. ;) They're mature and they've calmed down and--

--I'm getting excited just thinking about it--

I could discuss novels. All day long. And get PAID for it.

At an intellectual level that I could only DREAM of at the 5th grade, or even middle school, level.

It'd be relatively easy to add on high school English certification (I'm certified now in English for grades 5-9, so I could actually walk in now and do freshman classes, but if I wanted to go any higher I'd have to get the extra licensing)--it's just a matter of taking the subject area exam (4 hours, $200, but all things considered, entirely doable). I got a study guide online and there are definitely some things I'd need to review, but I got an 85% on my the practice exam (that was only 30 questions, compared to 75 on the real one, PLUS I'd have to write an essay analyzing a literature piece, so I'd have to brush up on my English lit and writing terms, shit I haven't even DREAMED of being able to talk about or teach in the last few years)--but overall, I'm in pretty good shape. apparently, at least as far as subject knowledge, etc goes.

SO. That's where I am right now. I don't know if I'd be able to make it happen by the fall, but I could spend the next year getting all of that into place (and networking with the principal at the high school--and since it's in our "family" of schools, it'd be more of a transfer than anything else)--and then possibly make the jump the year after that. That would give me an even five years at this school, and at this general grade level. Then, if I still feel as strongly about it as I do now (cuz let's face it, sometimes I get all fired up about something and then the excitement just kind of dies out)--well, THEN I'll know it's a step I should definitely pursue.

But it was just....so....AWESOME, and inspirting, and exciting, watching the kids and the teachers involved in those kind of conversations and debates...about BOOKS (The Great Gatsby, FYI, which I checked out of the library that same day, since I'd never read it). Yes, my friends, THAT would just about be a perfect job for me (besides working with dolphins or working as a book editor in NYC, which I would actually kind of hate because I'd be miserable in NYC, but the book editor part would be sweet).

So...we'll see if it actually pans out, but it looks as though I met a whole BUNCH of people on the 4th who may very well have changed my (career) life.

Get your motor runnin'

I’m used to friends and family—you know, people who have actually RIDDEN with me—giving me shit about my driving*. I’m not so accustomed, however, to getting it from strangers.

*And again, I don’t know WHY. Let the record show that I haven’t been in a car accident (caused by me) since 1995, and I haven’t even had a ticket since 2006 (and that was a really gay one—getting into the turn lane too soon).

Anyway, I was at the tire place today, getting two new front tires. (Since I’ve never rotated my tires, my front tires were worn down to the cords, while my back ones were practically brand new.) While the guys were working, I wandered over to the grocery store and the nail place, for a much needed eyebrow wax. When I returned, Benji (my tire guy) and 2 other guys started in on me almost immediately.

“Hey, Speed Demon is back!” called Benji from under my car.

I tried to look both innocent and offended. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Oh please,” one of the other guys said. “No one’s tires can look like this unless they’re hauling some ass.”

“I’ve never seen a woman who rides their tires so hard,” added the other guy.

“Oh, and also?” added Benji. “Some people actually slow DOWN for speed bumps.”

“I do!” I exclaimed.

Benji just raised an eyebrow at me.

“Well…the big ones,” I muttered.

“ 'Cuz your alignment is shot,” he went on. “You’re a teacher, right?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Are you actually running over small children in the parking lot?”

The other guys, of course, found this to be hi-LAR-ious.

“Your car is totally out of whack,” he added.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my grin. "Okay, I get it," I answered.

As I was leaving, I heard Benji yell, “Remember….speed bumps are your friend! And slow down!”

Family, work and God

On a lark, I typed "Krzys" into Facebook the other night...there are a LOT of people, it turns out, with Krzys as a first name (Krzystof), but not too many with the same last name. I found a couple, though, and I've been emailing with a guy named Jerry, who is a few years younger than me and a lawyer in Ohio. We are trying to find a common link--we know that, with this last name, we HAVE to be related somewhere down the line....we just don't know how far back we have to go to find the link. It's still pretty interesting, though, since it isn't every day that either of us "meet" someone with the same last name as ours.

In school-related news, there may be a change coming for me for next year. Remember when I was given the opportunity to switch to middle school language arts last year? Well, that choice has (tentatively) presented itself again. Although I felt very good about my eventual decision to stay in 5th--and I would be more than happy to do it again for yet another year--I have to say that the fact that this chance has come up for the second year in a row makes me wonder if it's some kind of sign/signal. I will also say that if I DO make the switch, it's because the principal wants me to be one of the middle school lead teachers for next year. (Our MS is growing, and she thinks it may be time for 2 leads rather than 1.) If I'm definitely offered a lead position, I'll absolutely make the switch. (She hasn't decided for sure if she's doing that yet for next year, but she's definitely leaning towards it.) Otherwise, I'm not QUITE as sold on it but am definitely tempted.

Anyway, all be decided in the next month or two, so I'll let you know.

Last, I went to a new church last weekend, a Presbyterian one, and I LOVED it. I think it's definitely my new church. I can't say I'll go every single week (I didn't go today, for example--but it was really rainy and yucky outside and I force myself to leave my nice warm bed), but I do want to attend much regularly than I have been recently (which would be never). Everyone was really nice, the sermon was very interesting and relevant and I felt this odd feeling of at-home-ness there that I've never experienced in a church before. (Plus, no one died, which has become a factor in my church-hunting.)

Easter and stuff

Hello, everyone. I hope you all had a blessed and/or fun and relaxing Easter, depending on your religious beliefs. =-) Mine was actually great; spent the day with friends. Easter wine (which was just regular wine consumed on Easter), a fancy dinner (well, for us) and cornhole were all a part of the day's festivities. Oh, and my non-cooking ass was promoted from bringing cheese and crackers to deviled eggs. And they turned out really good!! (Is it bad to eat deviled eggs on Easter? Ha.)

As many of you know, I had a rather eventful Easter morning. I went to church (which is noteworthy in and of itself), but while I was there, an older (I think) gentleman crashed or coded or whatever. They had him in the room where you usually take crying babies and wiggly kids, so of course there was a huge glass window looking into the worship area. They closed the blinds while they were working on him but not all the way, and I had a clear shot into the room. I of course tried to focus on the service, but it was virtually impossible with everything going on. And can I just say, it was very unnerving that they even continued with the service. I mean, I know Easter is an important one, but you had a gathering of 300+ religious souls and a man literally dying in the next room. Shouldn't we have stopped and, oh, prayed for him? Anyway, I could see volunteers giving him CPR and then the medics when they got there. They were still working on him as they hurridly wheeled him out, but it didn't look good. Many of you have asked what ever came of that situation, and I don't know. I watched the news that night but they didn't say anything, and I'm checking the news websites now; I'll let you know.

So that's about all right now. Spring Break so far is fab; pool time with friends, reading, watching movies....*bliss.* Will probably hit the beach one day this week, too. Weather is perfect....85 and sunny. How are all of you?

Happy April Fool's Day!

Yesterday was the last day of school for the students before Spring Break. Teachers still had to report, even though our grades were due yesterday and most of us are pretty much caught up on our paperwork. So our day has been spent socializing and counting down the hours till our official SB "meeting" at Pott's at 2. A bunch of teachers who are slap-happy and bored? Oh, and April Fool's Day to boot? You know no good could come from this.

Well, yours truly happened to come across a website listing office April Fool's Day jokes. Here's the one I decided to pull on Hot Teacher (my skydiving buddy), who has been gone on "lunch" for like an hour and counting.

Tidal Wave: Take about 20 (or more) paper or plastic cups, place them on the victim’s desk and fill them with water. Then take a stapler and staple them all together. You can also put the cups on the floor blocking their door, or just about anywhere.

We (I recruited 3 assistants) only did it with 10 cups, since he could have walked back in at any minute. and we taped them all together (a combination of duct and packing) instead of stapling them, which wasn't working so well.

Here's the finished product. Oh, and the part of the door that just happens to be showing above our handiwork? Well, that's just the icing on the cake.

Hi, all. It's Junior Blogger again :-) Our little girl is growing up, *sniff*, and has bought a dining table and chairs for her apartment! I have a couple of pictures to share, along with the email telling about this feat. It must be known, however, that I was excluded from this email when it originally went out. Does anyone else wonder how this could happen? How, when going through one's address book, clicking on those important enough to receive the email, one could leave out a person one has been best friends with since first grade? For 27 years? And then one sends an email saying "could you post these pics and the email about my kitchen table?" There's an element of discomfort, like when someone says, "Oh, I'll see you Saturday at Susie's party!", only to see the look of horror cross your face as they realize you've not been invited to Susie's little shindig.

But I digress. Let's not get caught up in the details. Plus? LOL. Jen won't even SEE this part, unless I email it to her. I think I shall :-)

Now, my friends, on to the aforementioned email and pictures from Jen. Hers is typed in black. Because that's the color of her heart. I mean, what? Err. Never mind.

I wanted to take a moment and share with you a not so small victory.

I put together the table and chairs seen below--BY MYSELF. I had to do EVERYTHING, down to attaching the seat cushions to the legs. It took just under 2 and a half hours (because part of the time was spent disassembling something that I had just erroneously assembled--backwards, in the wrong place, etc). Most of it was done with one of those annoying allen wrenches (the L looking things), but I did borrow an electric drill from the maintenance guy here at school to help speed up the process. (Note: I'm totally buying myself a drill. SO MUCH FUN.)

Anyway, one of the legs on the table looks slightly crooked (you can't tell here in the picture) but overall I think I did a really good job. I've never undertaken a project like this all by myself before so I'm incredibly proud. And it looks really good in my apartment!! (And a neighbor has sat in one of the chairs and it didnt' collapse

Don't you wonder how Jen got this home in her little Kia? I do. Oh, I think I have a picture of that, too. And her caption, which cracked me up.


















This is how a Michigan redneck-turned-Florida cracker gets a dining room table home in a Kia.
Bahahahahahahaha! She used jumper cables! I love it. Congratulations, my friend, on your first major household project. Victory!!!

My life in pictures

Okay, not my whole life, but here's a couple that I thought you might find entertaining. (Note: the pics themselves won't be up until Renee gets a chance to post them for me....could be an hour, could be a week. So we'll see.) ;)

The first is a nomination I received for Staff Member of the Month. (I don't know who wrote it, either, which makes it kind of cool.) It says (in case you can't tell; I don't know how clear it will be when it's posted): "For always enthusiastic about teaching and showing her students that it can be FUN to learn." Awwww! If you're chosen as Staff Member of the Month, the only thing that really happens is that you get the good parking spot right in the front of the school instead of having to park way out in Siberia. Oh yeah, and the honor and the glory, of course. ;) Still, "it's an honor just to be nominated." (Heh.)

The second pic is the newest addition to our classroom decor. Unfortunately, one of my angels or another have been called down to the discipline office on almost a daily basis (gossiping, drama, etc). So finally, I decided to create an incentive plan; each day we go where we DON'T receive a call from the dean of discipline summoning one of my lovelies, we color in another notch on the meter. When we make it to 30, they get a reward (to be determined later).

And yes, in case you can't read it, it IS called the "Save the Drama For Your Mama Meter."

(I've had many visitors to my room, because the other teachers think it's hysterical and wanted to see it for themselves.)

So that's what's new in my world. Only a week or so left until Spring Break....and trust me, we teachers need it just as badly as the kids do.

Lots o' updates

I'm finally broke down and hit the library so I could update you all (not that Renee didn't do a fabulous job herself; I shall definitely use her services again in the future).

(That's what he said.)

Random bits of information:

1) I am working on quitting smoking again, and I dare say that this time, it may finally take. It will be 2 weeks on Monday. I'm making the supreme sacrifice of skipping my after-work meetings for a while, as it would be impossible for me to drink and sit with other smokers without doing it myself. So I'm a loser with no life, but I'm a SMOKE FREE loser with no life.

2) Speaking of which, I currently have a cough which may be tuberculosis (or, according to my kids, Valley Fever, which is the disease afflicting a character in a book we're currently reading--a 1930s Mexican migrant worker in California). I don't know if it's from the quitting or allergies or what, but I may break down and go to a doctor soon. Or not, since I'm relatively sure it's a combo of quitting AND allergies, which are particular horrendous here in Florida this year. I haven't gone this long without a cigarette in years, so Lord knows my lungs have to expel some nasty stuff.

(I'm sexy.)

3) Random story that I'm sure you guys will find entertaining: yesterday at parent pickup, one of my students was picked up in a different car. "Who's that?" I teased her, eyeing the driver's shaved head and muscular build. "Is that your mom's boyfriend?"

"NO!!" she giggled. "It's her friend."

"Uh huh," I said knowingly. "Her FRIEND." The word "friend" was accompanied by air quotes.

"It is!" my student said. "My mom has lots of friends."

"I bet she does," I said, grinning.

It wasn't until I opened the door for C, my student, that I realized the driver was a female.

Awesome. Not only did I just accuse her mom of being a lesbian, but a rather trampy one, at that.

4) Speaking of our novel (Esperanza Rising), we had to have an impromptu geography lesson when I realized that a large part of the class didn't know where Mexico IS.

It gets worse.

I also had students who:
1) thought Mexico and New Mexico were the same thing
2) thought Mexico was part of the United States
3) don't understand the difference between states and countries
4) don't understand the difference between countries and continents
5) didn't know that North America is actually made up of 3 countries, not just the United States
6) didn't know that Canada was right above us
7) didn't know that Canada and the US weren't the same country
8) thought that Mexico was part of South America (since it's south OF America...but hey, at least that's a somewhat acceptable mistake, although not at the 5th grade level)

Finally, I told them we had to stop for the day, since they were "making my heart sad."

I think that's about all for now. I promise to update again much sooner than last time, either myself or via my superfabulous proxy.

Have a great weekend, all!

'Sup, blogland? It's Renee again. Jen had the pleasure of Anna's company over the weekend and asked me to post these pictures of them boozing it up in the glorious sunshine!

Jen, enjoying a second of whatever that is... fuzzy navel? Hurricane? You couldn't have gotten rid of the empty glass, you lush?

*snicker*

That's what you get for asking me to post stuff :-)

The new mom, enjoying a well-deserved pina colada!

Ah, sunshine, sunglasses and short sleeves! I'm so jealous, but if any of us needed that weekend away, it's you, my friend! I hope it recharged you and will get you through til Spring finally makes an appearance in the midwest!

Jen still doesn't have internet at home, so she emailed this post to me and asked me to post it. Yay! Thought she'd never post again :-)
Renee

It's been awhile (again) since I posted, so I figured I'd better check in. This has been an incredibly busy few months for me, which is why my regular posting has slowed wayyyy down.

School is great. The big state tests that you hear all about each year are next week already (how is that possible??). I made my poor students do 5 hours of math yesterday. Our math FCATs are this Tues and Wed, and unfortunately, there's a LOT I haven't gotten to yet. (Partly because I have the low group and everything takes longer, but mainly because the FCATs are in March and they cover a full year's worth of material--so some of it we don't even get to until April and May. Yeah, makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?) We have mathapalooza again today....for 5th graders, my kids are holding up pretty well. I'm letting some of their misbehavior slide this week because hell, I"M getting cranky and bored and restless. =-) We also have reading next week, and then 2 days of science the week after that. I'm very, very nervous this time around. I think part of it is because my class last year did so incredibly well, and I feel the pressure to "deliver" again this year. We'll see what happens, I guess.

Shawn and I aren't talking (again). LOL. This time it's because his girlfriend found out that we'd been hanging out, and of COURSE she's incredibly jealous of my fabulousness. Anyway, she gave him the ol' ultimatum (get rid of her or else), so he did. He DID say that we could be Secret Friends, but that we couldn't talk on the phone anymore or even hang out that much, and while the old Jen may have gone for that, the New Jen, who is strong and actually has some pride, told him to go f*** himself. I'm hurt that he ditched a friend for a girlfriend who I know is not going to be a forever thing, but what are you going to do?

In happy news, our beloved Anna will be here in Ft Myers with me in about 7 hours. I'm so excited!!! I only have her for the weekend, and she'll be gone for most of Saturday at a wedding in Orlando (the reason for her Florida trip in the first place), but I know we're manage to squeeze in a lot of fun in between. Tonight, I'm having a dinner party for her with about 10 of my nearest and dearest (I, however, am not HOSTING the dinner party, mostly because 1) I don't cook and 2) I don't have a dining room table, but I did ORGANIZE the whole thing. One of my fellow teachers, Linda, is the gracious hostess, and what an extravaganza it shall be....) We will, of course, be visiting the great Ft Myers Beach and the Gorgeous Gulf at some point, probably on Sunday (she doesn't fly out until 6 pm or so). The weather won't be that great by Florida standards (high 60s, low 70s)--but at least it will be sunny and clear all weekend and it's a hell of a lot better than the current weather in Minnesota. Stay tuned for an exciting update (and possible pictures).

Okay my kids are coming up.....I hope you all are well!!!

And in a surprising turn of events, my Baby Daddy just donated $40 to my March of Dimes walk!!! Didn't see THAT coming. LOL. Yup, he's definitely still trying to get in my pants. ;)

Down but not out

So....rough week at work. I was able to vent to Renee and John at dinner last night (holla!!), but long story short:

Our company has these "benchmarks" 4 times a year, designed (in theory) to replicate and predict how our students will perform on the FCAT, that all-important state test, in March. The problem is that the students who have been with our school for a while know that these tests basically dont mean shit (for them, anyway) and therefore don't really try on them. Like, at all.

The problem for ME, however, is that when the results come in, it looks as though I am failing miserably at my job. It is "projected" that my students (and all of 5th grade, as it turns out) will bomb the upcoming FCAT in spectacular fashion. Now mind you, last year my kids sucked on this benchmark and still kicked some FCAT ass. The difference is that LAST YEAR, we had a principal who knew us, knew our school, knew our students and knew ME. She believed in us, had our back, and trusted us when we said that our kids were on track.

Our new principal, however, does none of the above.

So when these "preliminary" results came out, let's just say that we had a meeting where she basically made us feel about THIS big. (You can't see me, but my fingers are, like, a millimeter apart.) Oh, and she p0inted out that our 5th grade scores were THE LOWEST 5th grade scores in the entire company.

OH. And she told EVERY OTHER TEAM THAT IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. (Yes, literally pointed out, very explicity, to every other grade, just how "low" 5th grade was....and that we were the lowest in the company.)

I cannot tell you how demoralize that is. Not only does our principal not believe in us, but she points out to EVERY OTHER GRADE just how sucky she thinks we are.

The only thing keeping me going is that I believe in my kids, and I believe in myself. My kids are working their asses off, and IF, **IF** they don't do well on the FCAT, it's not for lack of trying. It's because...well, they're low students. And a third, A THIRD. of them are ESE ("special ed" in other states). Not to be all cocky, but I was a "Star" teacher last year, which means I was a TOP performer in my company--not my school, but my COMPANY...yes, the same company in which I am now firmly at the bottom--last year. Am I a fantastic teacher? Hell no--and any teacher who tells you they are is full of shit, since any teacher, regardless of how long they've been teaching, ALWAYS has room to grow and improve. But do I do well with the kids I have, in the situation I'm in, with the resources I have, especially considering the fact that I am pretty new to the field? I'd like to think so.

Regardless of what happens in March, I'm giving everything I have, and so are my kids. I cannot possibly give any more, and neither can they.