The bane of my existance

I hope that there's a special place in hell reserved for the evil bastard who invented THESE:

They're called Bakugans, and my classroom is INFESTED with them.

They start out in the closed position, so they look like a small, harmless ball. As soon as you attach them to a magnetic object, however (like, oh, I don't know, a DESK OR DESK CHAIR), they shoot open (see above). If you're old school, they're kind of like magnetic Transformers.

I thought they were pretty cool at first--for about 5 seconds. Now, they're just a giant pain in my teaching ass. The above picture show just ONE DAY'S worth of intercepted Bakugans. And I plan to keep them in my Toy Drawer (not THAT one, you freaks) until the last day of school. If I'm lucky, the owners will forget I have them and I can sell them on eBay.

And while we're on the subject, the Second Most Annoying Thing to a Fifth Grade Teacher are THESE:

They're called Tech Decks and apparently, they are infinitely more interesting than Lowest Common Denominators (that's LCDs to you).

4 more days, 4 more days....

(FYI: I've tried for 20 minutes now to fix the spacing on this post and it's still screwed up...I give up.)

Awesome

My day (at least my "work" day) started with me rear-ending a guy in the Mickey D's drive-thru (really, "rear-ending" is too strong a word. I started digging in my purse for change and didn't realize that my foot was sloooowly coming off of the brake--until WHACK. I just kissed the guy's bumper and there were no marks--but he was quite the dick about it, to be honest. A true accident with no damage whatsoever, not even a paint scratch? Is that REALLY worth getting all shitty over? But I digress). It ended with part of my tooth chipping off (got emergency appointment with dentist at 3--large cavity, will need filling and cap, no root canal). However, I'm going to dinner tonight with my 5th grade team so I'm really excited about that. It's become a Christmas tradition of sorts. The husband of one of my coworkers is the manager of a restaurant out on Sanibel Island (a very nice, rather ritzy island off of Ft Myers), and every year they invite L's fellow teachers (which, for 2 years now, has included yours truly) out for dinner on them (including drinks--holla!). Last year it was OBSCENE, with the husband just bringing out food by the tray full; since everyone is watching their budget a bit more carefully this year, I don't expect it to be quite as grand, but it still promises to be a great time.

And by the way: remember how last time I had teeth issues, I had had a DREAM about it just a few days prior? Well, it happened again this time. I shit you not, and I WISH I had posted about it so I had proof. It was maybe a week ago that I dreamt a tooth fell out and now, here we are again. Now last time, the dream was VERY specific--it was the exact tooth that later broke off and everything. This time, my dream wasn't that clear and I don't recall what tooth actually came out. Still, this is my 2nd "tooth premonition" in the last year or so. Next time I have a dream like that, I'm going to the dentist BEFORE my teeth start falling out.

Pray for me

Today was the kind of day that makes me wonder why I went into teaching.

I can't even explain to you the horrible-ness of it. Seriously, they were awful. Not listening, arguing with each other (AND me) and tattling. I got THREE "Miss K, I'm mad at you and here's why" notes dropped on my desk (it's something I set up at the beginning of the year but rarely has it been invoked). (One of them was really funny, though: "Miss K, I'm EXTREMELY mad at you because you gave me a check and everyone else was talking and you didn't do anything to them. Are they specialer than me or something? I am VERY MAD. You are usually fair and nice and pretty but I am mad today. You were my favorite teacher but now I might go back to Mrs. L from fourth grade." We were dying over that one in the break room.) I had to give 5 detentions, one kid busted another over the head with a water bottle ("but he called me a fat ass, Miss K! I'm sorry to say a bad word but he did!") AND--wait for it--I had to break up a fight at lunch (which is not as easy as it sounds, since one of them was my "big boy," who's got a good 5 inches and 50 lbs on me). And don't even get me STARTED on the kids all the other teahers sent into my room (that's what happens when you're the team lead--but at least it helped me to see that it wasn't just my kids). And there's still SEVEN more days till Christmas break.

The only good part of the day was at the very beginning. While they were working on some math problems, one of my boys was singing the chorus of Rihanna's Disturbia (the part that goes "Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum"). As I was walking around checking work, I joined in (I love that song). They stared at me, shocked (because to them, I might as well be 90. A grown up is a grown up, and actual age doesn't matter). "You KNOW that song??" Seriously, they were flabberghasted, totally blown away. So then they started testing me. One kid broke into "So What" by Pink and I belted it out like I was on American Idol (an Expo marker was my microphone), which earned me a lot of applause. Then, for the final round, one girl was like, "I got her, I got her," and started singing Beyonce's new one, Put a Ring on It. Now, I JUST heard that for the first time this week, but I've heard it enough in the last few days that I was able to bluff my way through it pretty accurately (there may have been some dancing involved). And THAT made them fall out of their chairs. So that part was fun. And to their credit, they went back to working on their math problems pretty easily after that. So I was thinking, Sweet! This is going to be one of those GOOD days!

But it was all downhill from there and I swear, I'm researching other careers online right now. At the moment, long-distance trucking has a pretty major edge.

Karate Klutz

I just learned a particular section of a new kata that Sensei thought would take me at least 2 classes; I have it down pretty well after 1. So I come home and immediately practice that section (any time I learn something new, I need to run through it right away at home, even if it's just a few times, that very same night--because for some reason, it's sometimes hard for me to transfer the moves from the dojo to my own living room floor). Anyway, I'm spinning around, looking very karate-like, nailing these 180-degree turns...until I back into and trip over my roommate's reclined Laz-E-Boy.

Ooh! I found this clip online. The gentleman here is actually in my direct lineage: he's my sensei's sensei's sensei's sensei (draw pictures if you have to). I actually recommend watching this with the sound OFF, as he does this breathing thing that may distract you (it's for focus and inner strength; we do it, too, but not nearly like that). Anyway, this will help you see what a "kata" is, first of all (this is the 2nd one I'm learning, to get to green belt). Beginning around :33 is the section I learned tonight (MUCH harder than it looks, FYI)--and :45-ish is where I had the run-in with the chair at home just now (literally, just now--it was so funny that I stopped practicing and came in here to tell all of you about it).



And FYI, here's the one I had to learn for my first promotion. Mind you, he's a master and again, it looks WAAAYYYYY easier when HE does it than it actually is (I'll still be working on this for years and years, although I know the basic steps), so you may not appreciate the amount of blood, sweat and tears that went into this...but here you go:

Christmas Spirit--thanks, Nik!

Most of you who read this blog also visit Nikki's but I figured that I might reach a couple more people who, at the very least, could possibly pass this on to a couple more (and so on). There's a man in my hometown of Holland, MI who, for almost the last 20 years, has been bringing Christmas to the kids of the area homeless shelter. Well, due to the economy and changing times, even Santa needs some help this year. You can help to bring Christmas to these kids by donating here. Please, at the very least, visit the auction site and think about it. And if you can't, maybe you know someone who can.

Times are tough for EVERYONE, but I don't know too many people who have it worse than these children, especially at the holiday season.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=280292568033

Well, it's not quite what I was looking for....

I went onto You Tube because I was looking for the best Hallmark commercial I've ever seen (the tactless brother who gives the toast at his sister's wedding reception); it's not up there yet, but this was. Every woman alive loves that scene in Top Gun--combine it with a marriage proposal, and you have the best clip EVER.

(Note: before playing, you'll have to scroll down to my music player on the right hand side and click on the pause button, or it'll feel like you have schizophrenia.)

And how was YOUR Sunday?

Just another typical December evening here in Florida.

Yeah, I know. I'm a bitch and you all hate me. But with sunsets like this--who cares?

;)

Christmas, teacher style

Last night, we had our school Christmas party.

Imagine a group of teachers (anywhere from 3-7 of us) who regularly go out for after-school "meetings" to vent and decompress.

Now take those same teachers--and add about 40 more, some significant others and a variety of drinks.

Yeah.

Some highlights:

As some of you know, earlier in the day, I'd had a bit of a run-in with a verbally abusive parent who'd been berating a sub. By the time I showed up at the party about an hour later, that story had spread like wildfire, and I had to repeat it--including my "Well, perhaps your child was acting up in class because THIS is the behavior they're learning at home" punchline--no less than 15 times. Once we'd had some drinks in us, some of the teachers decided it would be fun to reenact the confrontation. One volunteered to play the role of the parent, and another one said, "Okay, and I'll do Jen."

At which point, A., one of the hottest male teachers--no, one of the hottest men ANYWHERE--and a member of the "after school club," shouted out from the back of the room, "Why not? Everyone else has!!"

As the room just fell apart, I tried to put on a shocked and indignant face. But come on--that zinger was WAY too good.

Another highlight was the raffle drawings--I won a gift certificate for a $100 tattoo!! I was initially pretty geeked, because this was the prize that I had thrown all of my raffle tickets in for. Surprisingly, so had a LOT of other teachers. Next to the day of pampering at a spa, this was the most sought-after prize of the evening. L., a tiny, curly-haired 65-year-old teacher (who, by the way, is actually a regular attendee of our "meetings," as well) even threw a ticket into the tattoo drawing (granted, there was a lot of peer-pressure and goading from us). And she made the solemn vow that if she won, she'd follow through with the tattoo. (She was also on her second scotch at the time, but whatever.)

By the time the various drawings were held, L. had had to leave. However, she was there in spirit as we all started chanting her name as they drew the winning ticket. They announced that I was the winner, and everyone still hooted and hollared for me. As the clapping died down, though, I stood up and made an announcement:

"Listen up! Shut up, A. [He was shouting random comments.] Dude, I said SHUT UP. L. promised me that if she won, she'd get a tattoo. SO, I need your help here. As far as we're concerned, L. won the drawing tonight. Okay?"

Heheheh.

(Side note: I called L. today to give her the good news that she'd "won" the tattoo. Her response? "Awww, fuck." LOLOL.)

The official party was over around 7:30--a nice, respectable time. Some of us, though, hung around for a bit longer. ;) There may have been some shots involved, too. Okay, there may have been a LOT of shots. (Don't worry, Mom: I waited for a loooonnng time before I drove home. We didn't leave until almost midnight.) And the coolest part is that I bonded with some people that I don't normally associate with outside of work. (For example, I discovered that both the office manager and the registrar are both dirty, dirty people.)

And the FUNNIEST part of the evening: apparently, the place had planned to surprise us with a cake (the mother of a student runs this restuarant and had arranged it). So while the group of 10 of us were sitting in the bar doing shots, the owner came out and said, "We completely forgot about this, but we have a HUGE cake back there waiting for you. If you want, we can drop it off at the school for you on Monday. Or we can bring it out now."

Hmmm. Now we were in quite the pickle. I mean, this cake was meant for the whole school to enjoy. And there were only like 10 of us left.

So we did the only reasonable thing, of course.

We told them to bring out the motherf*cking cake. (Hey. We were HUNGRY.)

I know you can't tell here, because it turned out kind of blurry (which is appropriate, as it looked pretty damn blurry that night, too, LOL), but this cake was ginormous. Here's the before pic.

And here's what it looked like after we had hacked into it.

Never in my life has a cake tasted so good.

For the record

I love me some Britney Spears. I always have. And I remember, when she first started acting weird (shaving her head and stuff), I turned to my mom and announced, with absolute certainty, "She's bipolar." This was after I had finally sucked it up and started treatmnet but before she was officially diagnosed, mind you--and sure enough, a few months after that, the news of her diagnosis hit the press.

Now, she has a documentary out called "For the Record" that's been playing on MTV. I have to tell you, I know that a lot of people might think it's cheesy, but watching it makes me cry. I can absolutely relate to her. You see the Britney when she's genuinely happy; the Britney when she just puts on a "happy face" so that people won't see how badly she's struggling and drowning and feeling alone but God forbid you let people actually SEE it; and the Britney when she finally gives up pretending because she's SO far down and she can't keep up the facade anymore and it feels like looking up from the bottom of a pit and the light is so distant that it seems like you'll never see it again.

And even though some people may watch this and roll their eyes and write her off as another spoiled, rich celebrity, I have to tell you that it was actually hard for me to watch this documentary. Because even though the word "bipolar" never comes up, she does talk about "going from one extreme to the next," and that "the cool part is SO cool, and even though the heaven part is like HEAVEN, I've been to both places." To which I say: Amen, my crazy sista! And while I do think that yes, as it becomes more socially acceptable, the "bipolar" label is going to become overused, much as the "ADD" label has been slapped on every kid in schools today who doesn't want to sit still and listen. As I often say--and I saw this on a tshirt once--"I was bipolar before it was cool." Because even though those closest to me accepted the diagnosis--hell, WELCOMED it--and loved me anyway, there was (is) still a definite stigma out there about BP.

And that's the thing: pretty soon, you'll be able to announce that you're bipolar and people will look at you like, "Yeah, who isn't?" without even batting an eyelash. But it isn't going to take people like me coming out of the BP closet to change the status quo. It's going to take those in the public eye to step up and admit to the diagnosis for it to become more mainstream and accepted.

So....yeah. It bothers me that even now, in this documentary, she doesn't come out and use the dreaded "b" word. But there's a select group of us out there who truly understand what she's talking about when she says that these days, she no longer feels like her life is out of control. In fact, she says, "it's too IN control. There's no passion anymore, there's no excitement." Roll your eyes all you want to, but if that doesn't express how it feels to go from a hypermanic state to being on the very medication that is supposed to "fix" you and, instead, takes so much of the joy and creativity and happiness OUT of your life, then I don't know what does.

I can go through this entire documentary and point out each and every line that is a veiled reference to bipolar disorder. Am I reading too much into it? Am I looking for shit that isn't really there? Is she, when it comes down to it, just another spoiled, messed-up celeb? Sure, there are people out there--maybe even some of you--who think so.

But then again, being bipolar is something that you can't possibly understand from the outside looking in.

Please, sir, may I have another?

The good news: I've recovered from the flu, as evidenced by the fact that I ate--and kept down--chicken wings at my post-work "meeting" today (which, by the way, lasted for a record 5 hours--yeah, we had a lot to talk about). Whoo hoo! However, now that I'm over THAT, I have an ear infection (which could explain my recent dizziness and light-headedness). LOL--Brandi, are you adding this to the book?

It's not official yet, but I've been tugging on my left ear like a little kid since Sunday night (after a not-so-smart weekend swim in relatively cold weather). Finally, during our planning period at the end of the day, one of the moms on my team noticed what I was doing ("Uh-oh, I know what THAT means. Let's go"), marched me down to the nurse's office (never mind that, technically, I'm their supervisor--when it comes to stuff like this, they TOTALLY baby me; it's kind of cute) and told her to check out my ear. While I indignantly informed them that I was fine and that this whole thing was "gay," Nurse K. put her light-stick-thing down my left ear and actually WHISTLED before announcing, "Dude, there's some shit going on in there" (no kids were around, obviously) and telling me to go to the doctor for some medicine.

I protested, "But I haven't had an ear infection in YEARS."

(Sidebar: since the COLIN RAYE CONCERT, Mother. Remember that? When I had a fever of 105, an asthma attack, malaria, the Eboli virus, leprosy AND a double ear infection and you were all like, "Bitch, sit down and suck it up, I ain't leaving Colin Raye"? Remember that? But I digress.)

And Nurse K. said, "Well, you're making up for it now. You got a situation in your ear."

"You got a situation in your ear"????? THAT'S a diagnosis now?

As it happens, I have an appointment to see my doctor either this week or next; I have to call to find out for sure. I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later because apparently, I have a situation in my left ear.

But other than THAT, I feel pretty damn good. I had a 5-hour talk with The Girls (and one Very Hot Guy) today, and I'll tell you what, it sure as hell opened my eyes. I LOVE my Florida friends. Don't worry, Girl Tribunal--when you can't be here to physically slap the shit out of me, they do it for you. =-)

I'm kind of digging this song these days...

Hot N Cold
Katy Perry

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS
Like a bitch
I would know
And you overthink
Always speak crypticly
I should know
That you're no good for me

[CHORUS]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(You) You don't really want to stay, no
(But you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now you're plain boring
I should know that
You're not gonna change

[CHORUS]

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bipolar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

[CHORUS]

Checking in
Now updated with pics!

I figured I should throw something up since it's been a while. I don't have much to say, really. Thanksgiving was good; the 5 day break was even better. Of course, per tradition, I got sick right at the end of it (I often get sick around holidays), so I came home from work early today. I'm feeling pretty crappy--and freakin' HUNGRY because nothing has stayed down since Saturday night.

So with Thanksgiving done, this is the time of year to look ahead to Christmas break (about 3 weeks!) and my return to the arctic tundra of Michigan. I'll be there for about 10 days--arriving around the 20th and leaving sometime before New Years'. As many of you know, Christmas with my crazy-ass family is DEFINITELY my favorite time of year, and I'm really looking forward to it, especially now. I'm not really feeling the holiday spirit this year and I'm definitely feeling "down", so seeing the family and friends back home should help.

Oh, here's a random thing that was still rather note-worthy, at least for me. One of my friends (well, a friend of a friend, but I think that maybe they could become my friend, too) has a dog--and I WASN'T ALLERGIC TO IT. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't be around any type of dog, even little ones, for more than 30 minutes or so without starting to feel pretty miserable. Well, this dog was a schnauzer (I probably jacked up the spelling of that one), which has HAIR and not fur. (It doesn't shed or anything, even--you just cut the hair every so often, like you do for people.)

Update: here are a couple of pics of mini-schnauzers, the kind this friend had, so that you can fully appreciate the cuteness:

I spent several hours around this dog (not THIS dog, but one like it) and I was totally fine. It was pretty amazing for me, actually. My friend had told me ahead of time about this magical Hair Dog and that I shouldn't have any problems around it, but I was still skeptical--hell, I'm the girl who's allergic to ELEPHANTS. (No, seriously. I rode one when I was a kid, at a circus or something when it came to town, and I was promptly taken to the ER for an asthma attack...LOL. Only me, right?) So, yeah. Maybe I COULD have a dog someday...after all, the psychic DID see a dog in my future (she was pretty definite about this particular point, actually).