Sunday, February 25, 2007

Nice guys don't always finish last

On Valentine's Day, I had a first date with a guy named Dave. I had a great time, and how could I not? He cooked me dinner (filet mignon), had the chef at his golf club make chocolate-covered strawberries....plus, he was a very funny, very sweet guy. Oh, and did I mention that he's successful? He's the superintendent at a golf club in Naples; in fact, he was just made a finalist for Golf Club Digest's superintendent of the year. (Pretty amazing, huh?) We hung out a couple more times after that, and by Sunday, it was obvious that he was really into me. I should have been on cloud nine, right?

If you said "right," then you obviously have not been reading this blog for very long (or you just haven't been paying attention). That would be too easy, people! Dave was a nice, sweet, sincere, caring guy. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH A GUY LIKE THAT. I'm not used to that shit. If you know me at all, you know that I talk about wanting to find a great guy and settle down, but as soon as one comes along, I lose interest--or, more to the point, get scared. See, it's easy to date the jerks. It's safer. Yes, your heart will inevitably get trampled on, but at least there's no real risk of the TRULY scary part--finding someone you could really be with and start a future with. Someone who might actually be able to MAKE your dreams come true. To me, there's nothing scarier than that. Because that, you see, is when you actually let down your guard and let someone in. That's when you have to let them see the real you. Which is why I've been pushing guys away for years. And the NICE ones, with no drama or issues, the ones who treat me nicely? Pshaw. Not interested. If there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that RELATIONSHIPS NEED DRAMA.

So, Dave comes along and for the first few dates, I wasn't sure what to make of him. I mean, I loved hanging out with him, but he was just so NICE, and so sweet, and sometimes I wanted to hit him over the head and tell him to grow some balls. He'd say something romantic and I'd get uncomfortable. It got to the point (as many of you know via various emails) that I was about ready to break it off. "He's awesome and I have so much fun with him," I said, "but he's so NICE. So BLAH. I don't think there are any sparks."

As it turns out, there are. They're just a different kind of sparks. The kind that comes from slowly getting to know someone, the kind that develop as you get to see new parts of their personality, a little at a time. The kind that come when you become attracted to someone for who they are and not what they look like. The "sparks" I've always had before were based on pretty much the physical stuff--and that's what drove me and kept me in the relationship, even when it became clear that the guy was a jerk. This is a new kind of spark.

We spent a lot of time together this weekend, and I can now officially say--WOW. What an amazing, amazing man. I already care enough about him to have explained to him about Dysfunctional Jen, my evil twin, and how in the past, she's had a hard time dealing with the good guys. So every now and then, when the niceness is getting to be overwhelming, I'll tell him so and he'll call me a sufficiently sarcastic name, and all is well again. =-) He loves the fact that I can be incredibly sweet and a huge smartass, sometimes in the same sentence. "You have an edge to you," he said. He tried to tell me that HE had an edge, too, to which I replied that he was about as edgy as the Pope.

The best part of the weekend was when he was teaching me how to play Texas Hold 'Em on Saturday. (He has a monthly poker game, and we're now in training for me to get ready for the March one.) This guy LOVES poker and he's pretty good at it. After he showed me the basics, we started to play for real: and my sweet, nice Dave became a hardcore player. We talked shit to each other and went for the jugular. He took no mercy on me and, I'm proud to say, I was able to wipe him out a few times. (And I'd do it with this fake kind of innocence: "I have all shovel thingies. Is that good?" I'd say as I laid my cards down and he cussed a blue streak.) It was AWESOME.

Anyway...I don't know what will happen and, for once, I'm trying to just enjoy it as it happens and not think too far ahead. (Although I will say that he's the first guy I've dated since my Psychic Adventure with Anna a year and a half ago that actually fits the description of "the one," pretty much to a T.) As I'm learning, though: sometimes nice guys aren't all that bad.

11 comments:

Jen said...

Yeah, he does. I asked already. He's a "non dues paying member" so he can go and bring people.

Jen said...

Oh. LOL.

Well, for future reference, then. ;)

keesh said...

Good for you jen!! You should find that post you did about the psychic and link to it so we can read what it said :). Just for fun :0

Jen said...

Well he's not saying for him and JOHN, necessarily, it was more of a conversational thing (I asked if he was allowed to golf there, etc)

keesh said...

Hello?? DO I not exist? My comments seem to go ignored. Nee, could you tell Jen that she should post a link to her post about the psychic or at least suggest it to her, maybe she will respond to you...

Jen said...

Hahhahahhah.....I actually did that this morning, Kish. I was going to go back and actually post it tonight when I got a chance to find it again. Sheesh.

OK heres the relevant (maybe) part of that original post:

1) The million-dollar question: Will I ever get married--and when? And to whom? (Okay, that was three questions.)

Yes--although not as soon as perhaps I would have liked. Marriage is in the cards (literally) for me in 5-10 years--not within 5, she said, but definitely within 10, putting me at about 34-39. However, she said that marriage is "definitely going to happen."

Interestingly, I have a LOT of "kid lines"--2 girls and 4 boys. However, she said that these are not necessarily the kids that I'll HAVE, just those that I'll become closest to. She said the two girls are "really strong." I'm thinking that those are Amanda and Paige. I'm not exactly sure about the boys, as I currently have 6 nephews to choose from--but I'm hoping that at least one or two of the boys she's seeing are MY future sons.

2) BOLO (be on the lookout) for:
A man with lightish brown hair and light eyes (blue/green/hazel), who is very loving and kind, loves nature and animals and is shy and quiet. Yes, you guessed it--that's HIM. The One. And no, she said, I haven't met him yet.

Mom said...

:-)

Mom said...

I think our little girl is growing up. (sniff sniff)

Jen said...

So she throws a giant hairy fit about my "ignoring" her request to post the pyschic encounter and then she doesn't even comment when I do?!?!

;)

KIIIISSHHHHHHH i LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

keesh said...

I need to see a picture of this man :)...does he have that color hair?

Edward said...

That's one for the good guys.