"Smoke-free" sucks.

I know things have been kind of quiet out of Fort Jen lately. I actually quit smoking about a week ago, so I've been laying kind of low because, frankly, it's been pretty hard. I got sick last week and had to make another emergency asthma visit to the doctor; Mom threw out my cigarettes and I was feeling too crappy to even argue with her. That was last Monday night; and here I am, a week later, still smoke-free (although somewhat more tense and a couple of pounds heavier, LOL).

I'm chewing "the gum"--Nicorette. Going cold turkey doesn't work for me, that's for sure. It's hard, because I'm one of those people where it's not even the NICOTINE that's addictive to me. It's the sheer HABIT of it that I have a hard time breaking. Smoking becomes a ritual. First thing in the morning. In the car. After dinner. Certain times of the day, certain events, just trigger this...internal reaction that's really, really hard to overcome. I think that's why nicotine-replacement treatments haven't really worked for me in the past--because it's truly not the nicotine I'm craving (by now, it's out of my system; I'm totally "detoxed"); it's the ritual of it, the routine. Still, the gum can't hurt. (And yes, I've tried a million other things, too--chewing straws, carrot sticks, etc. If you have any other suggestions, though, please let me know.)

I did treat myself to some new jeans at Penney's this past weekend, once I realized that I can actually fit into Juniors jeans again. I figured that the money I saved in a week of not smoking could be put towards some jeans that, quite frankly, make my ass look FABULOUS. And that makes it a little easier to continue with my smoke-free days--knowing that my "cigarette money" has already been spent on something else. (Sure, for some people, the satisfaction of knowing that they're making a healthy decision for themselves and their families, that they're adding years to their lives, renewing their skin, improving their smile, and are no longer smelling like an ash tray--that may be reward enough. Whatever. For me, I need STUFF. I need PRIZES, dammit. And if a weekly "present" to myself gets me through these first few weeks and months, then so be it.) ;)

So that's what's been up on my end.

On a more serious note, I want to give a big shout-out and long-distance hug to our girl Renee, who just lost her grandmother today. I'm thinking of you, and you know I'm here. Hang in there.