Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Crappity crappity crap.

So Jen met a great guy who makes her happy--and, more importantly, makes her feel SANE AND NORMAL? It must be time for the other shoe to drop, naturally. (And those of you who know me know how rare that whole "sane and normal" part is, LOL. I'm not calling too much, emailing too much, looking ahead to the future too much, getting too clingy or emotional or ANYTHING. I'm just sitting back and enjoying the time we spend together, letting things develop at their own pace while still enjoying MY life and keeping up with MY interests. I don't plan my life around him, I merely fit him INTO it. Seriously, this is the most normal relationship I've ever been in. Which makes this whole next part that much suckier.)

For those of you who don't know, Tyson used to be in the Peace Corp, which means that he is able to go to grad school virtually for free. That federal program only applies to certain schools, however; and the closest one is Western Illinois U., a good six hours away. This past weekend, he drove out there to check it out--to look at the campus and the town and to learn more about this particular program he was interested in. It's something I've known about pretty much since the beginning, but, in New and Improved Jen Fashion, I've been trying not to think about it or worry about it too much till it actually HAPPENED, till I knew if I actually had something to worry about or not. He emailed me on Sunday (he had snuck into the computer lab) to say that so far he wasn't too impressed with the town itself but that he still had his official university tour on Monday. Well, he got back today....and here's the email I sent out (with, of course, my usual blog-related modifications, post-email changes, additonal thoughts, etc...okay, so it's not at ALL like the my original email). ;)

He called me tonight. Although he wasn't impressed by the town, he did like the tour of the campus, the people he talked to and the program itself. He still doesn't know if grad school is what he wants, though, or if he just wants to get out of radio in general. So he hasn't made a definite decision on the grad school thing yet. The bad news (for me) is that he hasn't ruled it out yet, either. He's applying, he said, but mostly just to keep his options open at this point in case he DOES decide to do it.

We had our first serious "us" talk tonight, and that part was really good. Basically, it was established that we're both pretty into each other, we aren't dating other people and we don't WANT to. We really enjoy the time we spend together and every date we have ends with us liking each other more. HOWEVER, I dont know what's going to happen if he decides to leave. We talked about that a little, about how LD relationships are incredibly hard even for established couples, let alone one who has been dating a relatively short time.

I told him that if we weren't going to try to carry it on after he left, that *I* wouldnt be able to date him until he DID leave....that I didn't see the point, frankly, in spending all that time with him, growing to like him even more, and then having it flat-out end in June (which is when he'd leave). As far as I was concerned ( I told him calmly and adultly), if we weren't going to carry this on after he left, then *I* wouldnt be able to date him until he DID leave....that I didn't see the point, frankly, in spending all that time with him, growing to like him even more, and then having it flat out end in June (which is when he'd leave). (I know myself well enough to know that I'd get way too emotionally involved and then be that muc more hurt when he left.) My bottom line, I explained rationally and thoughtfully (really, I did damn well) was that I've dated enough to know a good thing when I saw one, and that as far as I was concerned, I'd rather see HIM once a month than some other guy every day. He said that although he pretty much felt that same way about ME, he also knew that LDRs never worked for him in the past and he didn't know if he'd want to even try one again. I told him that I understood, that it would be hard enough to try to make a new, fledgling relationship work long-distance without his added stress of starting graduate school, etc.

Anyway, we left it at this: first things first, he has to decide if he's going to go or not. We're going to keep doing what we've been doing while he tries to sort all this out. I told him he has to decide if it's this particular line of WORK he wants to do (some kind of tourism thing) or if it's just a general CHANGE he's after. And that's what he doesn't know yet....if he's just excited about a change in general or about THIS SPECIFIC CHANGE. Then we hung up cuz he's getting sick and he had to go to bed.

I have to say (this is me again, not my email. I orginally had my email italicized but that kept screwing up the formatting of my whole blog for some reason) that I'm really proud with the way I'm approaching this whole thing. As much as I want him to stay, I'm also being as objective as possible when I talk to him about it. I told him that relationship aside, I was also his FRIEND, and I wanted him to reach the decision that was best for HIM. And I really do. I want him to be happy. And if that means grad school in Illinois...then yeah, that would suck, and frankly, I'd be pretty crushed, especially after our talk tonight, when, ironically, I feel closer to him and more "couple" like than ever before. Okay, back to the email.

Sooooooo....I dont know, guys. Especially after this conversation, I'd be walking on air normally cuz we both really like each other and this could really be something....which makes me even sadder that he might be leaving and, if he is, it may mean the end of "us". And it sucks that we have to talk about ANY of this after like 6 weeks. The timing is just horrible. He said something about that tonight, how if we hadn't just met, if this relationship wasn't so new, it would be a whole different story (as far as continuing this thing if he DOES end up going).

So we'll see.

On a somewhat related note, it's been two weeks today since I quit smoking, and although I've slipped up here and there, I'm choosing to focus on the hundreds (literally) of cigarettes that I HAVEN'T smoked in that time frame as opposed to the 7 or so that I have.


keesh said...

I say just enjoy each other, if it is meant to be and he goes, you guys will figure it out.and i am very proud of you on the smoking thing. that is a ton less and it is better than nothing, so DEB you best be given a shout out to your daughter, every little bit is saving her a little bit at a time!

Mom/Deb said...


(I know, Jen, you never want to hear me say "shout out" again either.) :-)

Jen said...

Yeah, don't ever say that again.

LocuTus of Borg said...

Its ok to to slip up a little because of those darned little temptations but create job on the quitting.

As I see in life all the time, if it supposed to be, then it will happen. Even if you both are completely into each other, the circumstances might not just fit and you will know that. You know ... you could entertain moving to Illinois :). I think that you are right to keep everything VERY friendly until he decides because heart-aches suck.

Anna said...

Ditto to Kish.
I'm really proud of you for the many great improvements you've made in this relationship! Way to go - you've really grown :)
Like Kish said - Enjoy each other and you'll figure out the rest as you go.
Also, way to go on the non-smoking! You're rockin'!

Nik said...

I second what everyone else said. As much as I'd love to Dr. Phil ya, I got nothing else to add. It's very true, whatever's meant to be will be and don't try to force anything one way or the other (as hard as that may be not to). For the record, LD's can and do work, if you really want them to. I wish you the best of luck and remember it's all learning experiences-that's what life's about.

Anna said...

When Tim & I did the LD thing it was hard but a lot of good came out of it - We appreciated the time we had together more, we learned to communicate in different ways, when we were together was really passionate, etc.

We had dated for a year and a half before he left. We were LD for a year. Then we lived together for a year and a half, got married, and lived happily ever after.

I couldn't have done it for more than the year we did but I'm glad we did it for that year because it made us stronger.

Anna said...

lol - now whenever I see the "LDs" in this post, I think "learning disabled." heeheehee

LocuTus of Borg said...

Yeah Anna! See Jen, sometimes it works out perfectly =)

John Cowart said...

Hi Jen,
Your post makes me so glad I'm not young any more! 38 years ago, Ginny & I tried this long distance thing for almsot a year and we both went nuts. I can't remember how we survived it.

I wish you both joy, true love, and peace.

Jen said...

Sounds like a year is the limit of sanity for a LD thing. Too bad this would be two years, minimum. Pretty tough stuff for a 3 month old relationship (he'd be leaving in June). If anything, I think we'd keep in touch, hang out when he's back in town, and see where we both are in a couple of years.

I should confess, btw, that I'm not doing too well on this non smoking thing the last few days.

Nik said...

I did the LDR for 3 years, Jen, remember Ronez? Our entire relationship was long distance. Admittedly it was tough, but we made it work.

LocuTus of Borg said...

Keep going Jen ... the non-snoking thing is hard, but as in the words of Rob Schneider from Waterboy: "You Can Do It!" =)

Jen said...

Yeah, but you guys were at least in the same STATE, Nik. You're right, though.

LoB--non snoking? ;) That sounds like a whole different problem.

Jen said...

And technically, Nik, you DIDN'T make it work, since you're no longer together.

I'm just saying. =-)

Nik said...

The reason we broke up wasn't because our relationship was LD though, so it did work, for the time we were together.
As a matter of fact, there have been a couple opportunities for possible reconciliation, I just couldn't do it.