Mom and I drove up to Muskegon yesterday to see my daughter Amanda, now 13 (as of January 6). She looks so grown up now; she's really becoming a young woman. She even had her first eyebrow shaping/waving and MAN, did it make a difference in the maturity of her face.
For the first time in quite a while, Zach, her older brother, came along as well. For those of you who may not have heard this story yet, Zach is actually one of the main reasons I chose this family. For one, I never had an older brother and wanted my daughter to have one. Secondly, during my first meeting with this potential family, I at one point started to choke up and cry. Zach, then just 5 years old, immediately jumped up, grabbed a tissue box, and placed it in front of me. "Here," he said. Right then, I figured any family who could raise a little boy to be that sweet and compassionate couldn't be too bad.
Well--THAT turned out not to be exactly true, ;) but Zach remains, to this day, a truly amazing and caring young man. Plus, he'd beat the hell out of anyone who messed with Amanda, and that's all I really wanted.
As always, it was great to see her and more difficult to be around "her." It's very hard to have to watch every little thing to say, to make sure you don't accidentally slip and say too much. I hate the fact that, after all these years, she STILL doesn't know who I am--or even that she's adopted--and more than anything, one she does find out, I don't want her to feel that I'VE been lying to her this whole time (and trust me, I'll make damn sure she knows whose decision it was). BUT, I've already said everything I can possibly say about that particular topic, so I'll just leave it at that.
They should be coming down here to Holland in June, when my grandparents are visiting from Florida (Grandma and Grandpa have gotten to see her a couple of times, for which I AM very grateful to the G's), so I'll get to see her again this summer (hopefully). And in the meantime, I have her email address now, which means that we can keep in pretty regular contact without my having to go through her mom. It's important to me, now more than ever, to develop a strong friendship with her, so that when she DOES find out who I am, the news is hopefully a little easier to take.
As always, these pics are showing up pretty blurry, so once I get them all downloaded and saved, I'll make sure to email them out.
Her hair is looking pretty cute...highlighted and everything.
This is the one pose where I can kind of see myself in her.
Is it wrong to lust after my daughter's brother?
No, seriously, is it? Cuz he is HOT. ;)
13 comments:
I guess you don't need to email me back cause you wrote it on here :). She looks so much like you Jen and call my crazy, but her and Paige look a but alike too...
PS: good pick on the older brother, HOLLA :)>
Well seeing as how their moms are sisters and their dads are brothers, I suppose that's entirely possible. ;)
Yeah, in her heart she does know. that is what is so sad, she knows but her dipshit parents wont confirm it for her they, or her Mother, I should say, live in denial...reality check. HOLLA
Thanks Momo. (PS, in case you come back and see this...I commented on your blog and am quite intrigued by your current dating situation.) ;)
And it still just trips me out that everyone (seriously, everyone) is saying how m uch she looks like me, because I honestly don't see it...MAYBE in the smile, but--Renee, for example, you know her biological father...don't you think she looks like M. SO MUCH in the eyes, nose, body shape, etc?
PS...even my Grandma commented on Zach's handsomeness, LOL. (She didn't say the Holla part though.) ;)
Holy crap. She's a carbon copy of you, Jen. Really. She's beautiful. I know you're proud.
I would be a mess. You seem to be handling it very well.
I need to check prior posts, but can you answer one thing? What's the premise you use to meet with her? Friend of the family?
Sorry to pry, but it's one part of this I missed.
P.S. Sure, you comment on Momos' blog, but I never hear from you. Maybe it's the deodorant...
LOL, I TOLD YOU Fred, I'm intimidated over at your blog, cuz every post gets, like, 100 comments. I'm much better in small, intimate groups.
And yes, I'm just a friend of the family. I've been in her life for as long as she can remember, so it's somewhat natural. I say somewhat because, on their way to a recent visit, she did ask her mom something like, "And how do we know Big Jenny again?" Like many people have said, I do think she's maybe starting to put the pieces together, or at least question some things.
I hate to say it Jen, but she looks so much like her dad. I don't see you in her at all. I'm sorry to say it, please don't kill me or anything.
ok, now I want to see what her Dad looks like, dig up a picture for Saturday Jen :).
I agree, Nik.
As for her finding my blog, I thought about that, but I don't see how she could. I don't have the link to it in my yahoo profile anymore. I just have to make sure I never send her the link to the SA newsletter, as she COULD, if she were so inclined, click on my name on THAT site and get a list of my other blogs (ie, this one).
Did you see my "mumps" picture from the Free Press, i.e. "the most unflattering picture in the world?
And you didnt tell me the important part...it couldnt lead her back here, right?
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