Monday, January 30, 2006

A visit with my daughter.

Mom and I drove up to Muskegon yesterday to see my daughter Amanda, now 13 (as of January 6). She looks so grown up now; she's really becoming a young woman. She even had her first eyebrow shaping/waving and MAN, did it make a difference in the maturity of her face.

For the first time in quite a while, Zach, her older brother, came along as well. For those of you who may not have heard this story yet, Zach is actually one of the main reasons I chose this family. For one, I never had an older brother and wanted my daughter to have one. Secondly, during my first meeting with this potential family, I at one point started to choke up and cry. Zach, then just 5 years old, immediately jumped up, grabbed a tissue box, and placed it in front of me. "Here," he said. Right then, I figured any family who could raise a little boy to be that sweet and compassionate couldn't be too bad.

Well--THAT turned out not to be exactly true, ;) but Zach remains, to this day, a truly amazing and caring young man. Plus, he'd beat the hell out of anyone who messed with Amanda, and that's all I really wanted.

As always, it was great to see her and more difficult to be around "her." It's very hard to have to watch every little thing to say, to make sure you don't accidentally slip and say too much. I hate the fact that, after all these years, she STILL doesn't know who I am--or even that she's adopted--and more than anything, one she does find out, I don't want her to feel that I'VE been lying to her this whole time (and trust me, I'll make damn sure she knows whose decision it was). BUT, I've already said everything I can possibly say about that particular topic, so I'll just leave it at that.

They should be coming down here to Holland in June, when my grandparents are visiting from Florida (Grandma and Grandpa have gotten to see her a couple of times, for which I AM very grateful to the G's), so I'll get to see her again this summer (hopefully). And in the meantime, I have her email address now, which means that we can keep in pretty regular contact without my having to go through her mom. It's important to me, now more than ever, to develop a strong friendship with her, so that when she DOES find out who I am, the news is hopefully a little easier to take.

As always, these pics are showing up pretty blurry, so once I get them all downloaded and saved, I'll make sure to email them out.






Her hair is looking pretty cute...highlighted and everything.











This is the one pose where I can kind of see myself in her.












Is it wrong to lust after my daughter's brother?













No, seriously, is it? Cuz he is HOT. ;)

24 comments:

keesh said...

I guess you don't need to email me back cause you wrote it on here :). She looks so much like you Jen and call my crazy, but her and Paige look a but alike too...

keesh said...

PS: good pick on the older brother, HOLLA :)>

Jen said...

Well seeing as how their moms are sisters and their dads are brothers, I suppose that's entirely possible. ;)

momofeight said...

Oh man she does look just like you. I'm pretty sure she already knows.

keesh said...

Yeah, in her heart she does know. that is what is so sad, she knows but her dipshit parents wont confirm it for her they, or her Mother, I should say, live in denial...reality check. HOLLA

Jen said...

Thanks Momo. (PS, in case you come back and see this...I commented on your blog and am quite intrigued by your current dating situation.) ;)

And it still just trips me out that everyone (seriously, everyone) is saying how m uch she looks like me, because I honestly don't see it...MAYBE in the smile, but--Renee, for example, you know her biological father...don't you think she looks like M. SO MUCH in the eyes, nose, body shape, etc?

Jen said...

PS...even my Grandma commented on Zach's handsomeness, LOL. (She didn't say the Holla part though.) ;)

Fred said...

Holy crap. She's a carbon copy of you, Jen. Really. She's beautiful. I know you're proud.

I would be a mess. You seem to be handling it very well.

I need to check prior posts, but can you answer one thing? What's the premise you use to meet with her? Friend of the family?

Sorry to pry, but it's one part of this I missed.

P.S. Sure, you comment on Momos' blog, but I never hear from you. Maybe it's the deodorant...

Jen said...

LOL, I TOLD YOU Fred, I'm intimidated over at your blog, cuz every post gets, like, 100 comments. I'm much better in small, intimate groups.

And yes, I'm just a friend of the family. I've been in her life for as long as she can remember, so it's somewhat natural. I say somewhat because, on their way to a recent visit, she did ask her mom something like, "And how do we know Big Jenny again?" Like many people have said, I do think she's maybe starting to put the pieces together, or at least question some things.

Nik said...

I hate to say it Jen, but she looks so much like her dad. I don't see you in her at all. I'm sorry to say it, please don't kill me or anything.

keesh said...

ok, now I want to see what her Dad looks like, dig up a picture for Saturday Jen :).

Anna said...

I think she looks like you in parts.
I think it's probably pretty wrong to lust after the brother (even if he does look pretty good ;)
I think she knows who you are. I think it's a shame that her mom continues to lie to her.
What if she found your blog?

momofeight said...

Hi Jen I have been reading your blog for awhile now and only commented a couple of times. I'm one of your anonymous commenters. Well I think I was able to answer your questions about the guys.

LocuTus of Borg said...

She's adorable! I agree with Kishelle and Momo ... she probably already feels something for you. I remember reading aobut a study where they had separated some children from their birth mothers for weeks at a time. However, when they went back with their mother - the bond was still there, like they had never been apart. Do you feel that when you are together? The bond?

I think it would be good if she "found" your blog ;)

Jen no its ok to lust after your daughter's brother only if he was say 10 YEARS OLDER! HAHAHA :P

Anna said...

I think she has your eyes and your chin.

Renee said...

Okay. Yes, I think she looks like M, esp the nose. But the chin is DEFINITELY yours. And for those who've never seen M, she's all you. John said last night how much she looks like you. And I'm LOLing at Kish's comment, cuz I think she also looks like Katey and Paige :-)

LoB, Zach is ALMOST legal, so it's not too bad to lust after him. I'm sure you've thought girls 10-12 years younger than you were hot :-) Plus, the kid is just CUTE. And he looks older :-)

Jen said...

I agree, Nik.

As for her finding my blog, I thought about that, but I don't see how she could. I don't have the link to it in my yahoo profile anymore. I just have to make sure I never send her the link to the SA newsletter, as she COULD, if she were so inclined, click on my name on THAT site and get a list of my other blogs (ie, this one).

Renee said...

Jen, I typed your name into a search (mainly to see what she would find if she would do the same, which she probably has). There are a TON of things out there... lots of letters and times you've been published, newspaper articles, etc. You rock. And then also a million articles written in Polish with your last name in them :-) Nothing for my name, btw.

LocuTus of Borg said...

Yes I know I have been quilty of lusting after 10 year younger girls. Ok I'll go sit back down :P

Yes Jen, I agree that she has features that remind me of you. At least we see some pictures of you now ;)

Renee said...

Thank you LoB ;-)

Jen said...

Did you see my "mumps" picture from the Free Press, i.e. "the most unflattering picture in the world?

And you didnt tell me the important part...it couldnt lead her back here, right?

GreatOne said...

Hi! I love your site. I am starting a wrestling blog as an experiment in Sports Entertainment and I was wondering of you could take a minute and check out my blog and tell me what you think and how I can improve it? Thanks!

LocuTus of Borg said...

Oh wrestling!! awesome!! lol

Renee said...

I didn't actually open the links. I was just concerned that she could find this by doing a search on your name. No, nothing that *I* found would lead her back here. But you know how literate I am when it comes to this stuff. LOL. But now I'm going back to look for that picture :-)