Friday, July 01, 2005

Contact Lens Nazi.

Remember the now-infamous Soup Nazi from Seinfeld ("No soup for you!")? Well, I just met his optomologist counterpart. At my eye appointment yesterday, the doctor examined me and talked to me for a while; then he clicks his pen, closes the file and says, "Well, I'm not giving you contacts today."

Huh. I've never been refused contacts before. (And I felt strangely desperate, like I was trying to score some presciption drugs and failed or something.) As it turns out, he made a pretty persuasive argument:

1) I went in there thinking it would be cheaper to get contacts ($20 or so a box, vs. $100-200 for a new pair of glasses). However, I was going to keep my current pair of glasses (with my current old-ass prescription) and alternate between my new, updated contacts and my older, less effective glasses. This is the primariy reason why contacts were a no go--he said that going back and forth between the two prescriptions would wreak havoc on my eyes. He said that he'd rather have my new, updated prescription in glasses that I would wear all of the time instead of contacts that I would wear 8-10 hours a day, mostly at work. And regarding the whole "contacts are cheaper" argument...

2) Not, as it turns out, for me. SINCE NOTHING ABOUT ME IS NORMAL, of COURSE the surface of my eye is irregularly shaped. Due to the severity of my astigmatism, I would actually need customized contacts--so in this situation, glasses are actually cheaper.

To make a long story short (something I suck at as bady as Renee does)...the doctor told me to get glasses now, and if I still want contacts I can come back and get those later. But he'd rather have me seeing well ALL of the time with one prescription than seeing well PART of the time and going between two prescriptions.

Harumpf.

PS--my eyesight is so bad that at one point, while asking me to read the Letter Chart with my right eye, he actually said to me, "Your eye IS open, right?", since I failed the test so miserably. And later, during the Depth Perception test, he showed me a series of circles with a dot inside each one. He said that in each group of 4, I was supposed to tell him which one looked different. I said, "Oh, one is supposed to look different?" to which he replied, "Oh, geez." (I guess one was designed to have a 3-D effect or something--but they ALL looked 2-D to me.) He said, "Don't feel bad, they do get harder the further you go," to which I observed that we were still on #1.

34 comments:

Anna said...

lolol! Funny stuff!

I'm not sure the doctor is supposed to say things like "Jeez." Where did you go- Walmart?

I've got astigmatism too and the hard contacts are Not fun. Go with the glasses.

Jen said...

NO. America's Best.

Jamie Dawn said...

"Your eye IS open, right?" FUNNY!! And sad too you poor, little, blind thing.

Jen said...

I think you guys are laughing at me, but I can't see the computer screen to be sure. ;)

jevanking™ said...

"Your eye IS open, right?"

For the second time tonight, I've spit water all over my computer monitor...

Jen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Fred said...

I'm with Anna. I also have astigmatism and now only wear glasses.

The last time I wore contacts was when I got married (vanity!); it felt like there was a sand castle under each lens. But, damn, did I look good!

Jen said...

Last time I got contacts was for skydiving, but this time I really just wanted them for appearances too.

Nik said...

Now that's pretty frickin bad Jen!

Renee said...

I, too, have astigmatism. And that's why *I* can't wear contacts either. Fred, your sand castle metaphor is perfect! Still, I try the new ones every time I get my eyes examined, to no avail. I'm gonna be a dorky glasses wearer all my life :-(

Renee said...

Unless I ever get the balls to get Lasik or something. Which isn't likely :-)

Jen said...

I'm getting Lasik when I'm rich.

Renee said...

But dude, it's your EYES. What if they fuck it up? It's not like you can just go get a new pair or something!

Jen said...

Shit, by the time I have enough money for it, it'll be so routine and commonplace that they'll have Lasik At-home kits or some shit

Jen said...

I said "shit" two times in that one comment. Holla!

Fred said...

Nee, we have the same outlook. With my luck, if I were to do Lasik, I'd be the one-in-a- million that had blindness.

At this point (old guy), I'll take what nature gave me and live with it.

Renee said...

LOL. "old guy". Fred, how old are you? You've got a 14-yr-old daughter, right? You can't be THAT old. Shit, *I* could technically have a 14-yr-old daughter!

Jen said...

yeah, if you were pregnant when you were like 14.

Jen said...

oh, wait...

;)

Fred said...

48 in August. My latest post describes my pathetic effort to try and stay young. *Sigh*, I'm afraid it may be too late...

Anna said...

I tried contacts for a year in college- sand castles all day every day.
I just went without my glasses for my wedding.
Renee, We're so cool that our glasses only increase our coolness. Go with it Babe!
Lasik- I've heard bad stories.
Young Fred, age is only a number and you're only as old as you want to be. I think you're mid-twenties, although you slip into teen every once in a while.

LocuTus of Borg said...

Shit.

Just didn't want you to be lonely Jen ;) haha

Wow can't believe he refused you contacts - guess he is the "Contact Nazi" - great story though! My eyesight sucks really really bad - without my glasses I cant see unless it is 2 inches in front of my face.

Rob said...

Am I the only one that doesn't need any of that shit? Damn, I'm special! Holla!!

Nik said...

Dude, I don't need any of that either Rob, so either we're both special or you're just not all that special!! lol

Anna said...

Yeah, both Rob & Nikki are "special" all right.

LocuTus of Borg said...

ditto Anna heehee

Jen said...

Rob, nice of you to finally post on my blog again.

Clearly, now that my friends are all over at YOUR site, you dont NEED ME anymore.

F*@&#@^&@*@(@.

Renee said...

Jen, yours is still the first blog I go to every day. Love ya babe!

Jen said...

You all will be glad to know that Rob has apologized for being a fucknut.

As you were.

;)

Rob said...

I did? I don't remember apologizing.

Renee said...

Drunk, per usual...

Rob said...

Wrong!!! I remember Jen apologizing for getting all crazy though.

Jen said...

Oh man, it's sad when someone drinks so much that his memory is distorted and clouded.

Rob said...

Riiiiiiiiiiiiight Jen Jen.