Ya gotta have faith
Some of you may have seen a post that I (briefly) had posted here. After recent events, I decided that it didn't really say what I wanted it to say.
The hallmark of a true friendship, I think, is having faith in someone and believing in them, even when they don't have faith or believe in themselves. As you know, there's someone in my life who has caused me unmeasureable stress, pain and frustration. But more than ever, I truly believe that this person, at his core, is good. He may have his head so far up his ass that daylight is nothing but a distant memory, and he's certainly made mistakes, but I believe that every single one of those has led him to the point at which he currently finds himself. My wish for him is that he figures out what he wants and then gets out of his own way long enough to go GET IT. When all is said and done, I still see the good in him, and that's why I love him. (Hell, with all of his flaws and chinks in his armor, I think I love him more.) Maybe that's a flaw in ME--a character trait that does nothing but allow me to get hurt over and over again (not just by him, but by others, as well)--but the thing is, once I love someone, I stand by them...even when they make mistakes. More so than ever before, I think, because God knows that I've made some pretty major f-ups in my life, and I've been let down by people I always thought would be there for me. By anyone's definition, I have some pretty major flaws, issues and challenges of my own--but those who love me still see through that to the heart of me, the core of who I really am.
So I guess what I'm saying is this: I have faith that he'll find his way, that he'll sort out who he is and what he REALLY wants in life...and I have faith that things will work out the way they're meant to (whatever the hell that may be). Whether he stays in my life or not (and in what capacity) remains to be seen--but I hope he knows that he has someone on his side, no matter what. He knows what *I* want, and I hope he remembers our conversations over the last couple of days--now he's gotta see what HE wants, and if I, if WE, fit into that in any kind of way.
And before you all have freakin' heart attacks, please know that I'm not putting my life on hold or "waiting around." Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm going to move forward, and as hard as it is, I have to have faith that we'll each find our own happiness. Whether that's with each other is anybody's guess.
So this is for my "beef" (and no, that's not dirty in any way).
Rihanna, Umbrella
You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because
[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because
[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
You can run into my arms
It's OK don't be alarmed
Come here to me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because
[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
