Livin' la vida bipolar
Well, it appears that I have bipolar disorder.
This has been--oh, about 10-15 years in the making, although it's only been official for about 2 hours now. I've been told by no fewer than 7 mental health professionals over the years that they suspected I had it, at which time I stopped going...until the next episode, that is. I was absolutely unable to admit to myself that I might actually have this. A bad temper? Sure. A fiery disposition? Absolutely. Mood swings? Sure, but I'm a Scorpio!! We're very broody, intense, passionate people!
However, due to certain events, it's become impossible to ignore. I still hate that I have it, but as my psychiatrist said today--denying that I have it doesn't make it go away. It's still there, no matter what I do. However, leaving it untreated will only make it worse, and I'll continue to ruin relationships, my finances and my own well-being.
I start lithium today; we'll see how that works out.
I know that there's still a certain stigma attached with bipolar disorder. Intellectually, I understand that it's an illness, just like diabetes or asthma. But emotionally? It's really tough to admit--to myself, to you, to everyone--that I have it.
But it's not who I AM (which is why I've been careful throughout this post to avoid saying "I'm bipolar", as so many people do. After all, you wouldn't say, "Oh, you know Jen? She's diabetes."). It's a medical condition that I'm learning to manage so that someday, it will no longer affect my day to day life....at least, not very often.
So wish me luck on this journey. Many of my posts about this will be irreverant because hey, that's how I roll. ;) And as I've discovered, bipolars have GREAT senses of humor. Hell, they have to, to deal with everything that comes along with this disease.
Anyway....any time I make fun or crack jokes about this condition, please don't take it to heart, especially if you or someone you know has it, as well. I am in no way making light of the disease itself. Trust me, I know know how heartbreaking and tough it is, both for people who have it and their loves ones. But as I mentioned, this is just MY way of dealing with things. I make jokes and use my sarcasm to make OTHER people laugh.
So sit back and enjoy the ride (although frankly, from here on out, it SHOULD be a lot smoother....).