Come ON.
 
Those of you who remember my recent low-carb rant are going to LOVE this one. This Yahoo news story caught my eye today (

School Cafeterias Resist Low-Carb Pressure

). I swear, I thought my head was going to explode. The article discussed requests by parents for schools to include Atkins-friendly and other low-carb options in school lunch programs.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all about students eating healthy, especially since childhood obesity is at an all-time high. But if you feel the need to jump on every Fad Diet Bandwagon that comes along, then at the very least, LEAVE YOUR KID OUT OF IT.  If you don't know that "such diets aren't appropriate for growing children and active teenagers," then you probably shouldn't be responsible for a PLANT, let alone a kid. If you're worried about your kid's health, then don't send him to school with a "low carb candy bar"--shit, don't send candy with him at all. Give him a freakin' apple.  Have them turn off the goddamn Xbox every now and then and go outside. And I swear to you, if your kid goes through the lunch line and requests a "bunless hamburger," I am going to come to your house and step on your head.

I have a ten-year-old girl at camp who always says, "I hate my thighs. Look how big they are." (They're not.)  And at school this past year, a FIRST GRADER--who, by the way, is skin and bones--always talked about how "fat" she was. KIDS SHOULD NOT BE WORRYING ABOUT THIS STUFF. If you have body-image problems, fine. But don't pass them on to your kids.

Yee haw.
 
Taylor, one of the cities Downriver, is having a Pickup Parade this weekend, which involves people driving their pickups up and down the street. I am not even making this up. In a situation like this, me making Downriver jokes is just unnecessary.

Congratulations to...
 
Missy, who passed her state cosmotology test!! (Pretty much. She has to retake two of those mandatory sections, but she passed the test overall.)

Jeff, who was named Department Head of the Month at his store. I'm so proud of you, babe!

Me, who rollerbladed today for the first time in years. Wednesdays are Wheels Days at camp, so I busted out the blades today. I did pretty good, too--except for when I was skating over to help one of the little boys who fell off his bike. I was being the ambulance (which involved making ambulance noises as I skated over). Unfortunately, I was on a downhill grade. Also unfortunately, I don't really know how to stop. Good thing there was a fence there to help. However, the kids all got a kick out of my "Oooooo eeeeee ooooo eeeeee oooooo eeeeee ---OOOOF." (I didn't really know how to spell the sound one makes when getting the wind knocked out of them, but that's pretty close.)

Damn cat part two.
 
Guess who else is back?

Yep. Beavis, who apparently decided to stage a hunger strike until his new mom told me to just come and get him because she was so worried about him. Of course, once he got back here again, he was totally fine. Hmmmm...

Spoiled ass cats.

Damn cat.
 
Well, one of my cats is back. We got a call last night that she had bitten everyone in the house, including the kids. They kept Beavis but we had to go pick up Snowflake. Once she saw me, she started purring and licking my hand and I was able to pet her with no problems (she's NEVER bitten me). Apparently, she doesn't do well with kids.

Jeff said I could keep one cat but there's no way that we can have two.  So now, sinceI have to find a home for either Snowflake or Tweak before I can relocate, it looks like The Big Move may be pushed back a month. There's so much to do and only 5 days to do it.

Happy Birthday, Cable Guy!

I forgot to wish Jim a happy birthday, what with my frantic packing and cat-relinquishing and all. I don't know why you had to have your birthday right in the middle of my Big Move and all (some people are just selfish) but whatever.

Hey Jim--I told Jeff that we should take you out for a drink for your birthday. His response:

"Babe, there's no such thing as taking Jim out for *a* drink."

Happy Birthday!!!

Take me out to the ballgame.
 
Our field trip today was to Comerica Park for a Tigers game. A lot of our 30+ kids (yes, it was a big group today) had never been to a "real" baseball game before, and seeing the look of wonder and amazement in their eyes as they entered the stadium was truly touching. We sat down in our seats and gazed down in awestruck silence at the diamond before us.

For about 30 seconds.

Then:

"Miss Krzys, I'm hungry."

"Miss Krzys, I'm thirsty."

"Miss Krzys, I want to go to the gift shop."

"Miss Krzys, I have to go potty."

"Miss Krzys, we are going to carefully time our requests so that you don't get more than 5 seconds of peace and quiet at any given time."

(Okay, they didn't actually SAY this last one, but I'm pretty sure they were all thinking it.)

Seriously. I saw about a minute and a half of the game. The rest of my time was spent escorting various groups of kids to the bathroom, food stand, gift shop and then back to the bathroom.

It sounded like a good game, though. Loud cheers kept erupting from the stadium.

I couldn't even tell you who won.

Ah, happy times.

Oh, and one other thing.

I'm moving. In like 10 days. There will be a moving party sometime next week, most likely in the evening (under cover of darkness). If you would like to attend the Social Event of the Season, please let me know. (This will be an easy move. Jeff and I are setting up a household together, so I'm not taking half my furniture. Most of the move will just be boxes.)

Please RSVP at your earliest convenience. Black tie optional.

A plea to parents everywhere.
 
Please, please, PLEASE do not spoil your kids. If they grow up thinking that the sun rises and sets on them, then their innocent childcare providers will have to be the ones to inform them that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them. At which point the spoiled brat will scream bloody murder FOR AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES.

Do not let this become your child.

Damned old rodeo.
 
I am proud to announce that I was able to check off another item on my "things to do before I die" list. On Saturday, I rode a mechanical bull.
 
And it kicked my ass.
 
Y'all (I can say that, since I'm a cowgirl now), I am SO SORE. The secret to staying on is to grip with your inner thighs and knees and to keep your upper body relaxed. Well, I sure felt the effects of all that gripping when I woke up on Sunday. And today, the pain is even worse. I can barely walk. My arms hurt, too, from--well, from all the times I went flying off the bull.
 
I reckon that I'm getting too old for bullriding.

Back in the Real World.
 
This guy I know (okay, it was Jeff, but I don't want to feel like he's all I talk about) just got In Demand (or On Demand, I can't ever remember) through Comcast (mad shout out to Jim). It is so cool. Among other things, it has an archive of old cable shows. Under "MTV", you can find past seasons of Real World. I've gotten quite hooked (rehooked?) on the San Francisco season during the past couple of days. I have to say, I'm almost crushing on Puck again. Yes, he may be an asshole, but *I* can change him! It would be different with me! He just needs the love of a good woman!
 
Um...anyway. What was your favorite season of RW and why? Who was your favorite cast member?
 
Anna, does this post meet your approval?

And you're saving this WHY?
 
Today I found an empty 2 liter in Jeff's fridge. (I don't mean that it was ALMOST empty. I mean COMPLETELY empty.)
 
My new favorite joke:    
 
Knock knock.   
 
Who's there?   
 
Impatient cow.   
 
Impatient cow wh--   
 
MOO!! 

Congratulations, Lisa!

Lisa passed her bar exam!!! I am so proud of her!! She got pregnant during her first year of law school (you don't mind me broadcasting your business, right, Lisa?) ;) and, although it took her a little longer, she still finished law school AS A SINGLE MOTHER. Now, she's a full-fledged lawyer.

I am so proud of you, Lisa!

What is WRONG with people?

I was selling some CDs on eBay. All of them (Anthrax, Boyz II Men and something else, I can't remember now) sold except for one. Can you believe that NO ONE wanted O-Town's second CD?!

Discuss.

(No seriously, I do have something else to talk about, but not quite yet.)

Ugh.

I'm getting really, really sick of salt water taffy.

Salt water taffy.

One of my sisters is taking her state cosmotology test on Monday. Good luck, Missy!!!

Salt water taffy is "da bomb," as the kids would say. (The kids from the 1990s, anyway.) My mom and stepdad went to NJ and brought some back for me from Atlantic City.

I am really, really hard up for something to write about. (Which is probably abundantly clear to you, after my salt water taffy dissertation.) If you would like, you may post some possible topics for me. What would YOU like me to wax poetic about?

ABBA rules!

Okay, so I'm getting really, really old. Why?

1) Anna and I are going to an ABBA show at DTE Energy theatre on Wednesday night (and it's not even "the" ABBA--they're like ABBA impersonators) and
2) I'm actually EXCITED about it.

I will never forgot how old I felt when I actually wrote "ABBA" on my calendar.

It's going to be cool, though. A show with all of ABBA's music. Niiiiice.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a plunger. Apparently, they aren't kidding when they tell you not to flush paper towels.

My day was cooler than yours.

Our Thursday field trip was a tour of the Q95.5 radio station. I GOT TO MEET SPIKE AND MOJO (of my favorite morning show, Mojo in the Morning). It was so cool. I even got their autographs! (Yes, I actually lined up with the kids and had them sign my sheet of paper.) Four other radio stations, including The Drive 106.7 (Channel 95.5 might have the best morning show, but when I'm just listening to music, The Drive is definitely at the top of my list; it's a rock station, mostly 80s stuff but also 70s and 90s), so I got to see their studios, too.

One side note: have you ever taken 17 kids to McDonald's? If not, I highly recommend it. It's an experience not to be missed.

All in all, I had a really, really great day.

Sniffing stuff.

I don't know why Jeff and Jim are all about the glue, personally. I mean, I inhaled Elmer's at work today and it did NOTHING for me. Nor did the rubber cement. (Seriously. After all of this glue talk the last couple of days, I grabbed a bottle during art time to see what all the fuss was about. And I wasn't impressed.)

You know what smells really good, though? Play-Doh. I can sniff that stuff all day. The kids all look at me really weird--but come to think of it, they're usually doing that anyway.

So yeah. The smell of Play-Doh is one of the best scents out there.

One-week anniversary.

As so many of you know, I've been struggling to quit smoking for a while now...days, months, years--it just depends on when you start counting.

Well, this latest time, I've been cutting back quite a bit for several weeks now; however, with the prices in Michigan going up ANOTHER 75 cents a pack, I received another much-needed kick in the ass. In fact, I haven't had a single cigarette since last Thursday (so it's officially one week tomorrow--and holy shit, it's been a LONG week). I'm chewing on straws like crazy, but other than that, I'm not "using" anything (like the patch, etc). I just want to get the nicotine out of my system, and things like the patch keep "feeding" me nicotine. I understand the theory behind these nicotine replacement systems and I know that they've proven to be very effective for some people; but for me, this is what I need to do.

I can usually quit short-term like this; it's keeping it going for weeks and months that has been my downfall. It's so stupid, too--I'll quit long enough to get the nicotine out of my system, so that it's no longer a matter of PHYSICAL addiction (just mental--but that's bad enough)...and then I'll start smoking again, get re-"hooked" and have to go through the withdrawal process all over again. And let me tell you, it's quite unpleasant.

SO...I'm trying my damndest to make this my final quit attempt. I have the support my fabulous friends, the nagging of my mother and, luckily, I'm spending quite a bit of time with a nonsmoker, which makes this whole thing SO much easier.

Because of my health situation, quitting isn't really an "option" for me. It's a necessity. YOU all have known this for quite a while now. And honestly, I have, too. And now, I'm summoning every ounce of strength I have to finally do something about it. I'm even reading "Quitting Smoking for Dummies."

...I still want a cigarette, though.

Welcome to my new home.

Thanks to Kishelle, for the brilliantly simple idea of moving my blog address so that Jackass can't post anymore.

Apparently my blog IS still up at the old address, but it doesn't look like anything NEW will appear there. (That's partially what this post is for: to test that out.)

So...have fun.

And yes, Jeff and Jim, if you really want to, you can go ahead and mess with him at the old address. Just make sure he knows that that's my OLD blog and no one besides you guys (and him) will be reading that one anymore.

Me love you long time.

I've heard a LOT of "old skool" songs on the radio this 4th of July weekend, including Me So Horny, O.P.P. (I actually heard that one two days in a row) and Boom! I Got Your Boyfriend (I heard this one when I was out on my walk last night...and let me tell you, it lit a fire under my ass for a good mile).

What other old songs do YOU guys like? (I also LOVE Ditty by Paperboy.)

Jeff ROCKS.

Jeff presented me with a dozen roses tonight when I came over--"just because," he said. It's been YEARS since someone gave me roses. And you know, Jeff has no idea how much those flowers mean to me. It makes me feel so good to know that he was thinking about me today, and that he took the time to buy those roses just because he wanted to and because he knew I'd love them.

He continues to amaze me every day, and I am so, so glad that he's in my life. I just hope that I make him even half as happy as he makes me.

Thank you, Jeff.

I get to marry somebody!

As some of you know, I was ordained online back in April by the Universal Life Church. Well, it looks like I'm actually going to get to use my reverend-ness. One of the girls I work with (named April, actually) is getting married later this summer and was looking for someone to conduct the wedding. It's an outdoor wedding (on the beach, which I think is beautiful), so they were having a hard time finding a church-affiliated person to perform the ceremony (plus, neither the bride nor the groom is really associated with a particular church). When she found out that I was ordained, she asked if I would drive out to West Michigan to perform her ceremony and offered to put me up at a bed-n-breakfast with the other guests. When I told her that South Haven (where they're having the wedding) is about 30 minutes from my mom's house and I could just stay there, she was even MORE excited.

She was going to pay the officiant about $200 (plus the cost of the room); I wouldn't feel right taking THAT much, but I figure $75 plus the cost of the materials I'll need to purchase (certificate and a ceremony book) would still save them $100--not to mention the cost of putting up a different officiant.

I became ordained on a whim and didn't really think too much more about it; however, I am really, really honored that April would entrust me with one of the most important ceremonies of her life. I mean, I get to MARRY two people. That's pretty awesome.

Universal Life Church

Something to write about.

Really, I got nothing right now. Oh sure, there's that whole "shopping for a ring" thing, but most of my dedicated blog readers already know about that whole situation. (And if you HAVEN'T heard, it's because you don't work with Anna.) ;) BUT, if you insist on discussing it yet again...Jeff and I looked at rings this week. He claims to already know when everything's going to go down; as far as I'm concerned, though, I was just giving him ideas of what I like. (Otherwise, I will be way too giggly and anticipatory. And I sure can't live like that indefinitely.)

Do YOU want to know what I like? Go here...

It's SOOO sparkly on my finger