Friday, January 29, 2010

Down but not out

So....rough week at work. I was able to vent to Renee and John at dinner last night (holla!!), but long story short:

Our company has these "benchmarks" 4 times a year, designed (in theory) to replicate and predict how our students will perform on the FCAT, that all-important state test, in March. The problem is that the students who have been with our school for a while know that these tests basically dont mean shit (for them, anyway) and therefore don't really try on them. Like, at all.

The problem for ME, however, is that when the results come in, it looks as though I am failing miserably at my job. It is "projected" that my students (and all of 5th grade, as it turns out) will bomb the upcoming FCAT in spectacular fashion. Now mind you, last year my kids sucked on this benchmark and still kicked some FCAT ass. The difference is that LAST YEAR, we had a principal who knew us, knew our school, knew our students and knew ME. She believed in us, had our back, and trusted us when we said that our kids were on track.

Our new principal, however, does none of the above.

So when these "preliminary" results came out, let's just say that we had a meeting where she basically made us feel about THIS big. (You can't see me, but my fingers are, like, a millimeter apart.) Oh, and she p0inted out that our 5th grade scores were THE LOWEST 5th grade scores in the entire company.

OH. And she told EVERY OTHER TEAM THAT IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. (Yes, literally pointed out, very explicity, to every other grade, just how "low" 5th grade was....and that we were the lowest in the company.)

I cannot tell you how demoralize that is. Not only does our principal not believe in us, but she points out to EVERY OTHER GRADE just how sucky she thinks we are.

The only thing keeping me going is that I believe in my kids, and I believe in myself. My kids are working their asses off, and IF, **IF** they don't do well on the FCAT, it's not for lack of trying. It's because...well, they're low students. And a third, A THIRD. of them are ESE ("special ed" in other states). Not to be all cocky, but I was a "Star" teacher last year, which means I was a TOP performer in my company--not my school, but my COMPANY...yes, the same company in which I am now firmly at the bottom--last year. Am I a fantastic teacher? Hell no--and any teacher who tells you they are is full of shit, since any teacher, regardless of how long they've been teaching, ALWAYS has room to grow and improve. But do I do well with the kids I have, in the situation I'm in, with the resources I have, especially considering the fact that I am pretty new to the field? I'd like to think so.

Regardless of what happens in March, I'm giving everything I have, and so are my kids. I cannot possibly give any more, and neither can they.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a bitch.

Renee said...

I can SORT of see why she would panic... she doesn't know your team very well yet. HOWEVER, she SHOULD know that you were a Top 20 in the company last year, along with quite a few others from your school. Not likely that you're (collectively) going to lose your minds and forget how to teach and actually suck knowledge out of the students' heads. LOL.

Here's hoping you don't wind up teaching on Saturdays!

Jen said...

the OTHER principal called us in and apologized today, said she had heard "through the grapevine" what had happened at all the other meetings and that the 5th grade team was pretty hurt and offended, and that she knew us, knew our track record, said we were "The strongest team" in the school, and that she was sorry if our morale was down and apologized for how that was handled. So that was very nice.

Renee said...

Meaning last year's principal, or the current vice principal, or what?

Yeah. Regardless of how well she does or doesn't know you guys, she handled it VERY unprofessionally, IMO.

anna said...

That's crappy. I'm sorry the principal was mean and stupid. Don't mind her/him. Like you said, this test doesn't count for anything. Also like you said, you and your kids are giving everything you can and they'll kick butt on the test that matters! Yoo kin DOO eet!

anna said...

p.s. What other principakl? I don't understand that part...

Jen said...

Current AP, also last year's AP actually

Jen said...

assistant principal, also sometimes called the "principal of curriculum" but basically the ap

anna said...

I thought the current principal was on her way out? What happened to that?

Jen said...

it's a slow process. LOL

Fred said...

That;s the problem with education, everything is too slow. It drives me crazy.

Matt said...

I've never believed that negative reinforcement like that is the best way to incite motivation and loyalty.

Nik said...

Okay, I wanna smash new principle's face in, seriously! There are better ways to handle these types of situations. Lovin your attitude about it all though Jen. All you can do is prepare them as best as you can and hope it all goes well. If not, just believing in your students and more importantly, yourself (regardless of what douche principle thinks/says)is what counts. For what it's worth, I believe in you and your kids, too! ; )