Just when I think things are on an upswing in the romance department....they drastically head south. What else is new?
Yes, folks, it's true. Shawn is no longer in the picture. Let's just say that I found some raunchy texts on his phone that were neither to nor from me.
(I should stop here to say that I truly had a non-psycho reason for playing with his phone. See, his phone was originally MINE. I had ordered a new phone through T-Mobile but then put it aside because it's so much work to switch over phones. Then Shawn's phone died and since he also had T-Mobile, I said he could just take mine. When I was over there last night, I was playing with it after he went to bed (I'm usually up later)--checking out the features it had, the layout, the ease of use; basically comparing it to mine to see how good of a phone it was, since I hadn't so much as turned it on before giving it away. I went into the message section, just as I had explored every other section in the menu--truly innocently, not thinking I would find anything--and I was sorely mistaken. I saw these messages and my first thought was "WTF?!" (Literally, I thought the letters "W-T-F." And then, in the midst of all this, I laughed at myself, thinking that I clearly needed to cut down on my emailing and texting.)
Anyway. After he called me his girlfriend, referred to this thing as a "relationship," called me "all his," told his parents about me, and started calling, texting and hanging out more frequently, I--silly me--assumed I was his girlfriend and that this was, in fact, a relationship. Not a SERIOUS one, mind you, but that we were at the least not dating other people. Well, I found these texts and called him on it--and man, you guys would have been so proud. I never once raised my voice, threw a plate, called him names, etc--I was calm and SANE. I just explained what *I* thought we were and that it seems he had a different point of view. He said yes, we were dating, and things were going great. He loved hanging out with me. However, he continued, he never meant to imply that it was exclusive. "I don't know why you thought I was looking for a serious relationship," he defended himself.
I don't know, jackass. Maybe because the headline on your Match.com profile is "Looking for a serious relationship"????????
And THEN, he said he didn't want to be exclusive because he "wasn't ready to go ring shopping yet."
(I shit you not.)
First and foremost, I pointed out that he was a bit mixed up. ("Fucked up" would have been more accurate, but I digress.) "Exclusive" and "serious" were in no way synonymous. We could date only each other but still have it be the way it HAS been--casual, fun and light-hearted. Nothing would change. I told him (quite honestly) that "ring shopping" was not on MY agenda, either. (Frankly, I was thrown off balance to even have that thrown into the mix. WTF?) I then told him, calmly, that if he wanted to date around, he certainly had every right; however, I could not--STOP READING HERE, MOM--have a relationship of our particular nature knowing that he was "naturing" with other people, too. I'm done dating around and I'm looking for something more. I know myself, and knowing he was out on dates with other people and doing who knows what else would just hurt to much. It would, almost literally, drive me crazy. So I opted out.
I left a note for him this morning (this all went down at 3 am--long story), again very calmly reiterating my point of view. He seems to think I want this big, heavy, serious thing and I don't. I told him I want exactly what we've had the last couple of months but have it be just the two of us. That's all. No more, no less. I said I thought we had a good thing going and I was perfectly content just hanging out with him and seeing what happened--and if he didn't feel that way about me, it's better we found out now. I told him I truly hoped, if nothing else, that we could be still friends (shut up, guys--you know how I am). Really, everything went down as civil-y as they could have, considering the situation. Can I say again how proud of myself I am? =-)
So yes, I'm disappointed. I'm pretty damned bummed, actually. But, hey. It was two months. Shit happens. If he still feels the need to "look elsewhere," fuck him. Somewhere, there's a guy who won't.
(Thank God I never told him about the bipolar. Good call, Anna.)