I want to know what love is...sort of.

I'm a commitmentphobe. At least, that's what Katie Couric told me. Apparently, certain things happen in your childhood that make you more prone to this (I'm not going to get into all of THAT, but those of you who know me really well can probably figure it out). My "fear of commitment" can be resolved, according to Katie Couric and the Today show....but you have to commit to long-term therapy. And therein lies the problem.

Now the whole "commitmentphobe" thing was kind of surprising for me to learn. I mean, I've been searching for love throughout a good part of my dating career...and it's not exactly a secret that I very much look forward to getting married and starting a family. But yet, when a good thing DOES come along, I generally go out of my way to mess it up (namely, by picking fights and pushing him away). I also tend to go after men who are "ungettable," either geographically or emotionally. (That's all I'm going to say about that.)

It's not just in relationships, though. I don't commit to ANYTHING for very long. I get incredibly excited and gung-ho about a particular idea or project, I'll devote myself to it for days, sometimes weeks--and then I get bored and drop it. This web log, for example...if I suddenly stop writing in it, you'll know why. The only "commitment" I've stuck to in recent memory was the decision to return to school and become a teacher (and I'm not finished yet--so don't get too excited until this time next year).

I don't know WHY I refuse to follow through on anything meaningful. I could probably figure it out if I analyzed it long enough...but that would take quite awhile and frankly, I'm ready to move on to something else.