Get your motor runnin'

I’m used to friends and family—you know, people who have actually RIDDEN with me—giving me shit about my driving*. I’m not so accustomed, however, to getting it from strangers.

*And again, I don’t know WHY. Let the record show that I haven’t been in a car accident (caused by me) since 1995, and I haven’t even had a ticket since 2006 (and that was a really gay one—getting into the turn lane too soon).

Anyway, I was at the tire place today, getting two new front tires. (Since I’ve never rotated my tires, my front tires were worn down to the cords, while my back ones were practically brand new.) While the guys were working, I wandered over to the grocery store and the nail place, for a much needed eyebrow wax. When I returned, Benji (my tire guy) and 2 other guys started in on me almost immediately.

“Hey, Speed Demon is back!” called Benji from under my car.

I tried to look both innocent and offended. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Oh please,” one of the other guys said. “No one’s tires can look like this unless they’re hauling some ass.”

“I’ve never seen a woman who rides their tires so hard,” added the other guy.

“Oh, and also?” added Benji. “Some people actually slow DOWN for speed bumps.”

“I do!” I exclaimed.

Benji just raised an eyebrow at me.

“Well…the big ones,” I muttered.

“ 'Cuz your alignment is shot,” he went on. “You’re a teacher, right?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Are you actually running over small children in the parking lot?”

The other guys, of course, found this to be hi-LAR-ious.

“Your car is totally out of whack,” he added.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my grin. "Okay, I get it," I answered.

As I was leaving, I heard Benji yell, “Remember….speed bumps are your friend! And slow down!”