Random stuff

I went to visit my friends at the ER again early Saturday morning. I was actually there a good part of the day. (Before you even say it, Mom, I hadn't had a cigarette in 4 days--not a HUGELY long time, but every day is a small victory--and like I told you, a lot of times my asthma actually gets worse at first when I quit.) Anyway, it was one of those things where they were giving me treatments but weren't having a lot of luck. I'm fine now, after the traditional steroid shots/breathing treatments/oxygen tube combo. I'm still wheezing a little and I've got a cough that makes me sound like I should be in an iron lung, but I feel okay--tired, but fine. (Oddly, I've been sweating my ass off all weekend. I'm not sure why. I was running a low fever yesterday, but I am DYING here.)

And yes, I'm that much more determined to quit--cuz I felt HORRIBLE, and I don't want to go through life like that anymore. Although it IS a bit frustrating, to be honest, when I'm trying to quit and I STILL end up in the freakin' hospital. WTF?

I felt good enough, however, to drive to the library today and drop off some books. On the way there, I saw this guy walking down the road. From a distance, he looked HOT--tank top, muscled arms, narrow waist, etc. I whistled to myself in the car--and then, as I got closer, I almost drove off the road. IT WAS ONE OF THE EIGHTH GRADERS AT MY SCHOOl. Yes, my friends, apparently I'm "THAT" teacher. (I *STILL* feel dirty.)

My time with BBBS is done, so I'm looking for my next volunteer project. I have it narrowed down to the Salvation Army soup kitchen or becoming a guardian ad litem--basically an advocate for a child who is struggling with family and custody issues. Go to http://www.gal.fl.gov/documents/GALlayvolbrochure.pdf to read more.

Yeah, I'm alive

I've gotten a couple of "Where the hell are you?" emails in the last day or two, so I figured I should check in. I'm out here, just busy and--as I'm sure you will all find shocking--sick.

1) We had grades due for our report cards at the end of last week, so I was working on that for a few days. Report cards go home tomorrow; I expect to hear from Crazy Parent again by tomorrow evening. Yay.

2) I somehow ended up at the rodeo on Saturday night. A friend and I actually were on our way to the Monster Truck show, but we decided that that wasn't QUITE redneck enough for us. (Just kidding. The Monster Trucks actually sold out, but--lucky for us--there was a rodeo like half a mile up the road, so we figured hell, why not. (No, seriously. I even have the Tshirt--and the confederate flag shot glass--to prove it.) And I'll be damned if it didn't turn out to be a lot of fun. It would HAVE to be, with "cow tail decorating" as an actual event. Hellz yeah!

3) It was around this time in the weekend that I started to feel really, really crappy. One not-so-short visit to the ER later and, whaddya know, I have bronchitis. Awesome.

4) Some of my kids came running in this morning with the news that New Kids on the Block IS COMING TO FORT MYERS!!!!!!!!! (It was funny, too--a whole bunch of former students even came down, because they know of my love for the Kids.) I missed them in the "big cities" of Tampa and Miami in November...so now they're coming to ME. Tickets go on sale Saturday morning. Holla!!

So...that's about it. I'm off to bed now.

Billy Blanks don't play

For those of you who would like to lose weight, exercise more or just improve your general health in 2009, you need to go buy Billy Blanks' Tae Bo Total Body Fat Blaster--right now *.

Several years ago, when I first lost all that weight (about 30 lbs, if I remember correctly), a large part of that was due to tae bo. I've tried many at-home fitness videos, and that was the only one I ever stuck with. It about killed me at first, too. I started with the beginning video and I remember only making it through the first 15 minutes. I hung in there, though, and when I was able to complete the entire beginning workout in a respectable amount of time, I moved on to the advanced workout--and had to start all over again.

I was in WalMart the other day and saw the Fat Blasting DVD. I've lost about 15 pounds in the last few months, but--with about 7-10 lbs to go--I feel like I've hit that plateau. I'm still walking 3-5 times a week, but I've been doing that for so long that I absolutely need to shake things up again. Not to mention the fact that I need to combat the almost-inevitable weight gain that often comes with quitting smoking. Enter Billy Blanks.

I just used the DVD for the first time and, once again, I only made it through the first 15 minutes before I was dripping with sweat and about to collapse on the ground. I am so excited to start my tae bo regimine again. Tae Bo is great because it's actually FUN--plus, he changes up the various exercises so often that you can't get bored. One word of warning: the people in the DVD look so damn strong and badass doing these moves, and you WILL feel (and, chances are, LOOK) like a straight-up jackass when you first start. (I refuse to do the workout unless I'm home alone.)

Trust me, though: I know it'll be totally worth it.

Word.

* You can get it used on Amazon for about $4 for the DVD, plus shipping--an amazing deal.

Please, sir, may I have another?

The good news: I've recovered from the flu, as evidenced by the fact that I ate--and kept down--chicken wings at my post-work "meeting" today (which, by the way, lasted for a record 5 hours--yeah, we had a lot to talk about). Whoo hoo! However, now that I'm over THAT, I have an ear infection (which could explain my recent dizziness and light-headedness). LOL--Brandi, are you adding this to the book?

It's not official yet, but I've been tugging on my left ear like a little kid since Sunday night (after a not-so-smart weekend swim in relatively cold weather). Finally, during our planning period at the end of the day, one of the moms on my team noticed what I was doing ("Uh-oh, I know what THAT means. Let's go"), marched me down to the nurse's office (never mind that, technically, I'm their supervisor--when it comes to stuff like this, they TOTALLY baby me; it's kind of cute) and told her to check out my ear. While I indignantly informed them that I was fine and that this whole thing was "gay," Nurse K. put her light-stick-thing down my left ear and actually WHISTLED before announcing, "Dude, there's some shit going on in there" (no kids were around, obviously) and telling me to go to the doctor for some medicine.

I protested, "But I haven't had an ear infection in YEARS."

(Sidebar: since the COLIN RAYE CONCERT, Mother. Remember that? When I had a fever of 105, an asthma attack, malaria, the Eboli virus, leprosy AND a double ear infection and you were all like, "Bitch, sit down and suck it up, I ain't leaving Colin Raye"? Remember that? But I digress.)

And Nurse K. said, "Well, you're making up for it now. You got a situation in your ear."

"You got a situation in your ear"????? THAT'S a diagnosis now?

As it happens, I have an appointment to see my doctor either this week or next; I have to call to find out for sure. I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later because apparently, I have a situation in my left ear.

But other than THAT, I feel pretty damn good. I had a 5-hour talk with The Girls (and one Very Hot Guy) today, and I'll tell you what, it sure as hell opened my eyes. I LOVE my Florida friends. Don't worry, Girl Tribunal--when you can't be here to physically slap the shit out of me, they do it for you. =-)

Just a really, really weird day

Two very unusual things happened yesterday (and they are totally unrelated, other than the fact that they both took place at our after-work hangout).

The first: about 5 of us were having a few drinks in the outside patio area. All of a sudden, a little tiny baby squirrel (it was ADORABLE) ran up onto the patio. It sat there for a minute and then started scampering around. It didn't seem to be scared of the people; it was more curious, just kind of checking things out. Some of the servers tried to shoo it off the patio and back into the lawn area, but Squirrel wasn't having any of it.

Some male servers and bartenders went up to it, and Squirrel just kind of sat there and watched them. They were talking to it and stuff--it was really cute. Suddenly, Squirrel ran over and just sat on one of their feet. We were like, Holy crap!!--because that right there is something you don't normally see a wild squirrel do. But then--it started to SCAMPER UP HIS LEG (he was wearing pants).

We (all the customers, servers, bartenders, everyone) were just amazed. It was so cool to see. But then it kept going--climbing up his leg all the way to his waist. (At this point, he started getting a little worried--"What do I do? What if it climbs up to my face??") So he and another customer started walking--Squirrel in tow--across the patio and back over to the grassy area. (While this was going on, several other customers arrived and did a double-take--"Is that a SQUIRREL??" Like I said that's not something you see every day.) When they reached the grass, the server did this little shimmy and Squirrel jumped off.

Like I said....just a weird thing to see.

Second: my neck was hurting pretty badly by the end of the school day yesterday. When I'm home, just watching TV or something, it isn't too bad--but after 6 hours of basically turning my head in every possible direction, I was definitely feeling it. One of the other teachers hadn't heard about my latest medical malady yet, so I caught her up to speed. When I mentioned which vertebrae were affected, she goes, "Wow, that's crazy! I have problems with those same exact ones!"

AND THEN SHE GOES:

"And you know what, back when they were trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with me, they did a brain scan and these weird little dark spots showed up on it. They told me they thought it might be MS and everything--I was totally freaking out. I had to go back for a couple of follow-up MRIs, every 6 months--and those dark spots had completely disappeared! The doctors couldn't figure it out, so they figured it was just a bad MRI. And then later on, I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disorder and it was affecting my 3rd, 4th and 5th vertebrae. Weird, huh?"

By this time, of course, I'm starting at her with my mouth hanging open, totally dumbfounded, and my friend Kelly was like, "Oh my God, Jen! Oh my God!" I told this teacher (and the others at the table) that the SAME EXACT THING happened to me almost exactly two years ago--a routine eye exam showed a possible problem of some kind, so I got an MRI; dark spots were showing up in one part of my brain; the doctor told me it might be MS; I was panicking for a few months; went back for a follow up MRI and the spots were no longer there--so they, too, ruled it as a bad MRI. And now, two years later, an Xray revealed problems with my 3rd, 4th and 5th vertebrae. (He didn't say anything about DDD, though--just the beginnings of arthritis.)

By this time, the other teacher and I are staring at each other like we just realized we were separated at birth. (But she's black, so I don't think that's possible.)

I don't know what, if anything, this means or if the vanishing brain spots/vertebrae issues are in any way connected--but isn't that WEIRD?

Karate Kid

I started my karate lessons tonight.

(I'll pause here to give some of you time to stop laughing...and you know who you are, bitches.)

One of the local dojos offered those of us involved in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program a special rate--and I jumped on it. In the time between learning about this offer and actually starting tonight--well, as we know, some shit hit the fan. And as any Breakup Expert (like me) will tell you, finding a hobby and something to focus your time and energy on can be a crucial step in the healing process. So can taking care of yourself physically, getting in shape, etc. Well, this takes care of both. And if I can do all that for $25 a month (and that includes 3 classes a week), I'm definitely in.

I went tonight originally to fill out the paperwork, get my uniform, etc. Well, the sensei, Annie, stayed and worked with me one on one for about an hour (after the advanced group finished). And THAT was awesome--because now, when I start MY first real class on Saturday, I'll at least be somewhat familiar with some of the basic turns and moves. Plus--it was ONE ON ONE. With a real black belt. It was SWEET.

And I gotta tell you--I wasn't half bad. She commented a couple of times that, for my first night, I was hitting a lot of the positions pretty well. And at one point, as she was demonstrating a particular move, she told me to put my hand on her shoulder as she pulled down on my arm (obviously, we used my left arm for this). She said that as she pulled down on my arm, I had to resist by pushing back up against her. Well, this lady is a 4th degree black belt, and she had to really pull down hard. "Wow," she said. "You're stronger than you look." (Was that a compliment or an insult? LOL) And when we stand in the starting position (which is actually a lot like ballet, with your heels together and your feet pointing outward), I noticed that it's actually a little difficult for me to keep my heels totally together because my calf muscles kind of get in the way (from all the walking I do). So maybe I'm not as completely out of shape as I initially feared. "I'm not the most coordinated person in the world," I confessed as we were walking out. "Then this is exactly where you need to be," she answered.

Oh--and speaking of body parts getting in the way: my boobs are already quite the hindrance. Once the last male student had left, I turned to her and confessed that I was having an issue with certain moves. I also told her that standing up straight with my shoulders back was difficult for me psychologically, since self-conscious about that area and I'm used to kind of hunching forward and disguising/hiding my breastal area. She said that yes, larger-breasted women DO have to find a way to "compensate" for that particular "handicap" in certain moves but that it CAN be done. (She also tactfully suggested that I invest in a very sturdy sports bra.) As for the more mental aspect of it: karate is all about being strong, self-confident and poised. "I can tell that you're not that way now," she said. "But you will be."

As I walked out of my first lesson (which, again, was basically one-on-one with the sensei, which is a very rare and special opportunity--but she has a small and more private, personal dojo, which I love), I realized: holy crap, this is absolutely PERFECT for me. It will help me rebuild my self-confidence and self-esteem after being unceremoniously dropped earlier this week; it gives me something else to think about, even if it's only for an hour; it gives me an outlet into which I can direct my anger, pain and frustration; and it gets me out of the house. So frankly, right now, I am SO EXCITED about it and feel like I may just be embarking on something pretty big, something that could be a part of my identity, of who I am.

"But Jen," some of you may be thinking. "You just told us that you're coming off of a manic high--which is characterized, in part, by the tendency to throw yourself into a particular endeavor full speed ahead--only to get bored with it once you come back down again. I know you're all about becoming the next Ralph Macchio NOW--but what happens once your brain chemistry stabilizes again? Are you going to drop it?"

I'm not going to say that that's out of the realm of possibility. But honestly, I feel as though this attraction to karate is more than just a manic reflex. I truly feel that this is calling to me for a whole different reason--one that will prove to be more than just a passing phase. In fact, as we were leaving, Sensei said that that's why she stayed late with me--because she could tell that I was "a sponge," soaking it all in. (And there's SO MUCH to take in, obviously--not just the moves themselves but the words for those moves, etc. It's literally like learning a second language.)

And it's awesome, because this woman is, obviously, in great shape--thin, of course, and strong. And this--karate--is all she does to stay in shape. Now, I'm going to keep up with my walking, of course--but I have to tell you, that after just an hour of karate, I'm already feeling it. I feel it the most in my stomach--standing up straight with my shoulders back automatically makes my stomach muscles tighten up and constrict. And just from the basic moves she showed me tonight, I can tell that my arms are going to get an incredible workout, too. The deliberate, controlled movements work muscles that I didn't even know I had. (I'm also getting sore because we were actually sparring--but, since I didn't know any of the moves, she would basically arrange me in a certain position like I was a poseable Ken doll, tell me to throw a punch--and then she'd block it by twisting, hitting and kicking various parts of my body. And I gotta say, I took it pretty well. Oooh! And she showed me how I could take down a man using just one strategically placed finger. And, if I had someone on their back, how to place that finger to prevent them from being able to get up, regardless of their size or strength.)

Overall: I am SO EXCITED. I'm going to practice some of the moves she showed me tonight and tomorrow. It's funny, because she said that with time, everything about me will subtly change--the way I walk, the way I stand, etc. I think that this will do incredible things for my self-confidence--it will remind me of both my inner and outer strength. It will give me something larger than myself to focus on.

(FYI: she said to plan on being a white belt for a good 7-8 months. So I have a lot of work ahead of me. Oh--and this "type" of karate, isshin ryu, has just 4 belts: white, green, brown, and black--although you may earn "stripes" on certain belts before moving up, so that each color may have more than one step).

Check out http://www.isshinryuinfortmyers.com/instructors to see Sensei Annie. She's a total badass. =-)

The Bionic Woman

I went to bone doc today. ;) He came in and gave me an overview of what we were going to do: keep sling on for another 2 weeks and send me to physical therapy. Then he looked at my X-rays.

"Or not," he said.

After just shy of 4 weeks, my bone has almost completely healed. "Seriously," he said. "I know where the fracture WAS, but I can't see it. It's not there anymore."

Whoo hoo!

He does still want me to wear the sling, just to remind myself not to do too much with it the next couple of weeks, but he did also give me permission to push myself with it a little more. For example, I've been extending it and working on getting back my full range of motion (rotating my arm, etc), but I've been scared to push it beyond the point at which it naturally stops, for fear of worsening the break. But since there's virtually no break anymore, I can get a little more aggressive.

"But not too much," he warned. "It's still a broken elbow, and the healing had to have been pretty recent--which means it could easily break again if too much stress is put on it. So just be careful."

I go back in 2 weeks. By then, he said, I should have full range of motion back, which means completely straightening my arm (I'm almost there; I can even straighten it all the way when I'm in the pool or hot tub) and being able to rotate my arm/hand 180 degrees, so that the palm of my hand is facing down (that's the part I've been struggling with the most).

Whoo hoo!

De-whiskered

My stitches came out this morning. Yay! It looks FABULOUS, too. There's almost no scar to speak of--slightly discolored (and I mean VERY slightly--you probably wouldn't even notice it if you weren't looking for it, like I was), but I bought some Mederma that should pretty much eliminate even that.

I did get the results of the mole biopsy, though (I'm just a biopsy-ing fool these days). I was surprised to find out that there was actually some dysplasia (abnormal cells) taking place. He had been pretty sure that it was totally benign, but not so much. There was no cancer there, but he said that it COULD HAVE (but not definitely) gone that way if we hadn't gotten rid of it. The dysplasia had gone below the surface layer of skin into the dermis underneath, which is where bad things start to occur. However, we officially don't have to worry about that anymore anyway.

PSA, though: ALWAYS have suspicous looking moles checked out!! Skin cancer is just about the easiest cancer to prevent and treat, if you catch it early enough. Be careful out there! As I just learned, it's better to be safe than sorry.

How about some good news?

My biopsy came back negative (which is good). Holla! Now I go back in a month for a follow-up, just to make doubly sure. But it looks like I'm good to go!

I'm sorry, Fred...

but this entire post is about the follow-up to my Pap. Feel free to skip if you wish, but living in a household of women, I'm sure this topic isn't completely foreign to you.

Now normally, even *I* wouldn't publicly discuss something like my Pap smear (at least not in detail), but the follow-up to my abnormal Pap was so--well, ABNORMAL that I had to share it with my girls (and Fred, LOL). And this was the most effective way to do so.

To catch everyone up to speed: as a teenager, I had some pre-cancerous stuff going on down there--but, thanks to a unplanned pregnancy, it was caught early and the "bad cells" were simply frozen off. This was over a decade ago (15 years, actually--God, I'm old), and I've had normal Paps ever since. So finding out that my most recent one came back as abnormal kind of threw me off, to say the least.

It was my GP who took the original Pap--but since she doesn't specialize in that area, she referred me to an OB-GYN to take a closer look (no pun intended) when it came back suspicious. As Dr. C and I were chatting and I was getting him up to speed on my history, a nurse brought in the report from my Pap.

"Huh," he said, quickly reviewing it. It was a statement, not a question. Then he looked up at me. "You have a very unusual case here, young lady."

I kind of snorted and thought, "Of COURSE I do." Historically, nothing about me is ever simple or normal (medically and otherwise). Frankly, I'm surprised that I haven't contracted the avian flu, malaria or a flesh-eating bacteria yet.

Anyway, he showed me the report--and here's the deal.

The Pap showed "severe" cell changes. Generally, he said, changes that severe are at best--at BEST!--pre-cancerous--and often, once they've reached that stage, have progessed to actual cancerous.

(That would suck.)

"However," he said, as I nervously started biting my nails, "changes of this nature are virtually always associated with HPV" (as most of you know, a sexually-transmitted virus--one so common that they now say 80% of all sexually active adults will contract it at least once in their lifetime. For most people, it stays in their system for a couple of years before their body sheds it, without causing any issues--but for some, it manifests itself as cervical cancer or genital wars, depending on the strain). "But--" and he pointed to the report--"you tested negative." He paused, seemingly deep in thought. If he'd had a beard, he'd have stroked it contemplatively. "I've never seen this before, and I've been practicing for 25 years."

I had to laugh. Strap yourself in, doc. With me as a patient, it's gonna be a wild ride.

My first question was this: is it possible that it was a false negative and that I DO have HPV, hence the cervical changes?

No, he immediately answered. The test for HPV is cut-and-dried. Either you have it or you don't. It's virtually error-proof. ("That doesn't mean that a false negative hasn't happened to someone, somwhere, at some point," he said. "But I'm essentially ruling that out.") The more likely possibility, he said, is an error in the Pap smear reading. I didn't know this, but he went on to explain that Paps are entirely subjective--it's basically a bunch of people, sitting around in labs, examining the cultures or whatever, and then writing reports on what they see--their personal opinion, basically. (Somehow, I assumed it was a bit more scientific than that.) Still, he said, it would be highly unusual to "accidentally" label a sample as "severe"--that's a fairly hard mistake to make, since cell changes that drastic would be pretty damn obvious.

The third option, of course, is that both reports are right--I am HPV negative AND I happen to have these cervical, um, issues. (I don't even want to use the C-word, although frankly--and this might sound weird--but even with the worst-case scenario, I'm not all that worried. Cervical cancer is an incredibly curable and treatable form of the disease if caught early, as mine would be.)

So he took a biopsy, with the results due next week. He said he'd call as soon as they came in. "If it comes back that the Pap reading was correct, I'll be shocked," he told me, and then reiterated that it's virtually impossible to have this combination of no HPV/severe cervical changes.

LOL. $50 says I end up in a freakin' medical journal. ;)

Heads up

We're having a problem with the Internet connection at my new place, so until we figure out what's wrong with it (or break down and decide to actually sign up for it, since we've been piggybacking off of a neighbor's wireless connection...sshhhhh), I'll only be online when I'm at Dave's or when I drive to the library (which very well may be every day--let's face it, I don't have a whole lot else going on). Just a heads up, though, so you can try not to send me 20 emails a day (Mother). I only have an hour at a time at the library, after all.

I'll let you know when things are back to normal. Oh, and speaking of which--

MY MRI WAS NORMAL!!!! Those mysterious spots are gone!!!! Whoo hooo!!!! I asked the neuro, "So...that's it? No more follow ups or anything?" and he said no, I was officially given the all-clear.

PLUS my dolphin-painted tshirt came yesterday. Happy times, my friends.

Is there a doctor in the house?

I have this lump/bump thing on my left thigh. It's under the skin--like, the skin on my thigh is flat and smooth, but when you press on this spot, you can feel a hard mass underneath. It's not big--it's pretty tiny actually--but it's been there for a few months now. It's not in the groin area at all; it's on the front side of my thigh about halfway up from my knee. i didn't really worry at first because I've never heard of anyone getting thigh cancer and I figured it might just be a swollen lymph node or something (do you even HAVE lymph nodes in your thigh?), but since it's still there I'm becoming mildly curious. Is this something I should have checked out?

(Note: about 20 seconds after reading this, Mom will be Googling "thigh cancer.")

Teaching is making me sick and tired (literally)

(Note: this started as a comment to my last post but, once I saw how long it was becoming, I decided to go ahead with a whole new post.)

First: Yes, Nik, my busy schedule HAS cut into my drinking time. Coincidentally, I've also lost about 5 lhs. Hmmm. ;)

Plus, I just got hit by a health double whammy, which has definitely been affecting my appetite. Last week, i got this cold thing and was out of school for 2 days. I rested over the weekend (spent it here with Dave but we didn't do anything major, though he cooked me the best steak EVER) and by Monday I was feeling great again...

...Till Wednesday afternoon, during yearbook, when I started feeling kind of achy. By 4:30, I was home with a fever, chills, aches, etc....got slammed with a 24-hour flu. Didn't want to call in since I had been out the week before, so I dragged myself in (told the kids, "Just stay in the room and don't kill each other"). Came here Thurs. night and Dave took care of me. (Yes, he has seen sick, Afro-haired, whiny Jen and he STILL LIKES ME.)

I'm over the main flu part but still feeling pretty yucky in the head (lol, don't say it, you know what I mean). Got up at like 3:30 am because I couldn't sleep and didn't want to keep Dave up (he had to go into work this morning for a few hours and was getting up at like 4:45). He finally woke up and wandered out here to the den.

"Well, I've been doing some research online," I began.

"Yeah? What do you have now?" he asked good-naturedly. (He's already used to my tendency to "self diagnose" myself with rare, random diseases and actually seems to find it rather endearing.)

"I've got it narrowed down," I told him, "to either a sinus infection or tuberculosis."

"Ah," he said. "Need me to stop at the store on my way home for either sinus or tuberculosis meds?"

He's great.

Anyway, I'm not surprised that I've been getting sick so much lately. First, it's the season--even here in beautiful, sunny Florida (high in low 80s today). Second, due to my afore-mentioned busy schedule, I'm tired and run-down so of course my already-less-than-stellar immune system is even lower. I've been getting less sleep, due to stress and things just being so crazy. Plus,--and this is an epiphany I had whilst talking to Renee on Friday--as a middle school teacher, I see 125 kids every day instead of 25. No WONDER I get sick so much--I see five times as many kids as "regular" teachers, thus increasing my chance of picking up some kind of germ. (Seriously, next to nursing, there couldn't BE a worse profession for yours truly.)

So there you go. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go. That Nyquil is kicking in again.