Nanny-ing.

Yeah, so I got the job. I put in my two weeks notice at the preschool. I'm sad to be leaving the school, because I've gotten attached to a lot of the kids. I also really enjoy most of the people I work with. I just feel like...I don't know. Time for a change, I guess. More money, closer to home--and I can build a relationship with one particular family. I'll be helping to RAISE their kids (at least for the next year or two, anyway). That's a pretty big deal.

I've been doing my homework, too. I've been watching Nanny 911 on Fox every Wednesday night, and I ordered a book from Amazon called "The Nanny Textbook." I also ordered "You'll Never Nanny in This Town Again" (about nannies in Hollywood--supposed to be REALLY good).

So...yeah. I feel torn. It's bittersweet.

APB.

Has anyone else noticed that we haven't heard from Anna lately? I got one brief email from her after Christmas, saying that she was leaving the next day for New Years (she was going to Toronto). I do recall her saying that she had a tentative trip to Cancun or some other tropical place planned for right after New Years (yes, our Anna is quite the jet setter). I can only assume that she'll be back from her worldly travels for work on Monday...we'll see if she checks in.

ANNA, WE MISS YOU!

Happy Birthday.

Speaking of growing up...today is Amanda's 12th birthday.

TWELVE.

I feel bad, because sometimes, when people ask me how old she is now, I have to stop and do the math; quick mental calculations so that they don't think I'm a horrible mother. I mean, who doesn't know how old their own kid is? (Except for deadbeat dads or something--parents who aren't really in their kids' lives.)

And that's the thing. Technically, I'm NOT in her life. But it's not because I don't care; quite the opposite, in fact. But it's just so hard, with her not knowing the truth...I've gone into all that before, and I'm not going to go there again. Suffice it to say that 12 years is enough. I've reached my limit. I'm done with the bullshit. When she's ready to tell Amanda, she knows where to find me. Until then, I need to keep my distance. I can't bite my tongue any longer, and I'm afraid of what might happen if I'm around her until the truth has come out.

That's not to say that I won't call and wish her a happy birthday today. I'll fake the usual happiness and laughter; I'll talk to my daughter about boys and music and what she got for her 12th birthday. I'll say how I'm looking forward to seeing her again--knowing, deep down inside, that it probably won't happen any time soon. And I'll realize, once again, that my own daughter doesn't know who I am.

This one was taken inside his classroom. What a big boy! :-) 

This was taken at our house just before leaving this afternoon 

My Baby's Growin' Up

I never thought this day would come. Now that it's here, though, I'm feeling a little trepidation... Brent starts pre-school tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon! He'll go from noon-2:30 on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. He seems to be really excited and I hope he does well. But he's such a mama's boy, I'm a little nervous for him. It's partly our fault that he's like that-- the ONLY people who've babysat him are my parents, John's parents and my friend Chrissy, whose husband John grew up with, so he's not all that comfortable around strangers (I'm not saying that's a bad thing).

So for the first time, I'm a little sad that he's growing up. John's not helping, either. After we put Brent to bed tonight, he said about 10 times in a sad voice, "Brent starts SCHOOL tomorrow" :-)

I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing... in fact, he'll probably do better than John and I do. John's off tomorrow, so we'll both be going to drop him off and then out to lunch. I think the pre-school's drop-off routine will be really good, though. We pull up to the door, and the teachers come out to the vehicles and get the kids out and bring them up to their classroom. And they give us a number to display in the window for when we pick them up.

I'm sure by this time next month I'll be anxiously awaiting Tues and Wed afternoons so I can get a bunch of stuff done. But for now, I think I'll just be sad for a little while :-)

Pros and cons.

I have an interview tomorrow for a nanny position.

A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous (we'll call her April), used to work with me until she left to become a nanny. She left in Sept and says she's been very happy.

Well, at that time, I signed up for various nanny agencies; however, although families have expressed interest, nothing has ever come of it. Either the hours they were offering didn't work with my school schedule, or the pay was too low, or they had a dog, or they lived too far away....I've kept my profile active, just in case something compatable too long, but I've assumed I'd just be at the preschool until I do my student teaching in September.

I got a call from a family over the weekend--a family who lives about 3 miles away. I talked to the mom for quite a while tonight, and so far, I really, really like her. There are three kids: a kinder who would be in kindergarten all day; a preschooler would be gone in the morning; and then a 2 year old who I would have all day. In the summer, of course, I would have all three "full time" (which is still a lot easier than the summer camp I did last year).

Here are the pros for leaving my current job and going to work for this family:

1) Only having to work for ONE family (according to "April," this is a big plus)
2) More money than I'm making now (granted, more hours, too, but that's not the point)
3) Many paid days off, as the father is a government employee and therefore usually gets at least one day off a month. I wouldn't have to work but would still get my weekly rate (I'd be paid a "weekly" amount rather than an hourly one)
4) A summer bonus
5) They're willing to accomodate my student teaching schedule in the fall; I could still do student teach in the fall of 2005, come back and work for my family the following winter and summer of 2006 and then begin teaching on schedule the fall of 2006 (assuming I found a teaching job)
6) 3 kids instead of 30
7) It works with my school schedule.

Here are the cons:

1) I'm leaving a job I like. WHAT IF I don't like nannying? Maybe I shouldn't rock the boat.

Mom pointed out that I'm leaving a "teaching" type job for a "babysitting" type job; however, in my opinion, I can still do the same things with these kids that I do with my preschool kids--I an still do reading stuff, teach them letters, numbers, colors, etc. I'd just be doing it at their homes instead of at a preschool. And I'd be working more one-on-one with the kids, rather than having a whole class of kids at a time.

So...I meet with her tomorrow after work, but it's basically to make sure 1) I like the mom 2) she likes me 3) I like the kids 4) they like me. If all goes well, it looks like I have a new job.

What do we think?

I have a plan.

As some of you know, Jeff gave me drumsticks and a drum pad for Christmas. He used to play and is going to teach ME how to drum, too. We've already started lessons and he says that I'm a drumming genius. (He didn't actually use those words, of course. I had to read between the lines a bit.)

So here's my plan. I'll play the drums and Jeff can start playing the guitar again (yes, he used to play that too). Then we'll have like 7 kids and go on the road. Kind of like the Osmonds, only we'll play 80s rock ballads and stuff (a little Bon Jovi, anyone?). We'll be livin' on a prayer. AND, I can still use my teaching degree to homeschool our kids.

I really think I'm onto something here.

Tragedy.

I can't NOT talk about the tsunami that has wiped out tens of thousands of people in Asia.

I thought it was bad enough last night, when they reported that 22,000 were dead. But every time I get online today, I find that the death toll keeps rising--by the THOUSANDS. Right now, they say that 53,000 people have died, but I know that that number, sadly, will keep climbing.

Frankly, although this historic event is heartbreaking, my mind is having such a hard time grasping the enormity of this that it almost doesn't even seem REAL, you know? It's almost like watching a movie unfold--you can sit back and watch the tragedy, but you keep an objective distance from it. I know that sounds cold, but I don't know how else to put it.

We, as a nation and as a WORLD, are going to feel the effects of this for months and years to come. I think I read that the U.S. is pledging $35 million in aid-and that's only about a portion of what these countries are going to need to rebuild.

53,000. Seriously, I can't even wrap my mind around that. I read a couple of news stories on Yahoo yesterday evening that actually posted pictures of the dead, including children. I didn't sleep very well last night, I can tell you that much.

I'm just...flabbergasted. Yet here I am, going about my daily routine, cooking dinner and reading and playing Ms. PacMan. I feel selfish and self-absorbed....but in a disaster of this magnitude, I don't know what else I CAN do.

Christmas in Holland.

We arrived on Christmas Eve night amidst much drama (a fight with my sister; she was wrong and I was right, of course). After worrying for about 2 hours, Dad finally arrived much later than he had planned to. Spent a very interesting Christmas Eve with Mom, my stepdad, my dad, my sister and my niece Paige.

Christmas day, I woke up at about 6:30 and ran out in the living room to get my stocking. I excitedly brought it back to the bedroom and woke up Jeff so he could share in my joy. He told me to go back to bed (quite grumpily, I might add).

Later in the day, we woke up and prepared for the arrival of The Family. For only-child Jeff, I knew this would be a Christmas to remember. All together, besides us, my mom and my stepdad, we celebrated with:

Steph (stepsister), Dave and their 3 boys
Nikki and Ron (her boyfriend, on and off, of several years now)
Missy and her 2 boys
Katey, Nick (no comment) and her 3 kids

That's 15 people, if you're counting. Plus those of us who were already there. (And that's just the immediate family.)

I expected Jeff to be overwhelmed the whole thing, but he really loved it. My family, who were polite to him the first time, now treated him like one of their own (which he loved). My mom showered him with more presents than she gave me. Paige has taken to calling him Uncle Jeff.

Today, his parents and son came over and we did the Morgan Christmas experience over here. (Yes, they came to OUR place, which, thankfully, was still pretty clean from the Cookie Swap of '04 last weekend.)

All in all, our first Christmas together was wonderful. We managed to see both families in the 3 days he had off (shut up, Kishelle). ;) I feel truly blessed.

And now, I must prepare for a Very Loaded New Years (two words: "open bar"). But first: I would like to begin a conversation about Our Favorite Christmas Gifts. Yes, I know Christmas is about family and friends and Jesus's birth...but I also know that you got a gift or two you're dying to brag about. My favorite gift is probably the Ryan Newman jacket I got from Jeff. How about all of you?

I'm old, part deux.

I just got an email about my upcoming 10-year high school reunion. (Stephanie A. and Mike S. are starting to plan it, Kishelle.)

Crap, now I gotta lose like 20 lbs. Or 30, depending on exactly how long I have. But hell, I was gonna do it for our wedding anyway, so I guess now I just have double the motivation.

I only have a few months to get married, have kids, establish a fabulous career and become rich. I guess I better get started.

Merry, Merry, Merry Frickin' Christmas.

This is my Christmas wish to you...

http://www.vh1.com/artists/az/frickin_a/artist.jhtml

(Listen to the song under "Check It Out.")